I have come out as non binary officially and for the first time it feels right…I have had trouble with my gender for so long but since being single and leaving dating behind (because of the pandemic) it has given me space to accept myself. problem is that I don’t want to date another non binary person…I have casually dated non binary people (Mostly male bodied) in the past with hopes of them fully understanding me…but they didn’t. Whenever I told any of them about my gender identity they all completely misgendered me a few mins later or did something that completely crossed my mentioned boundaries. It hurt so much each time because I thought more than anyone they would respect and believe in my identity. It’s honestly scarred me…I’m actually more attracted to cis people now and would ironically rather date a enlightened cis person. I know most cis people would misgender me (I have experienced this) but at least to me it’s not nearly as hurtful as someone who’s non binary misgendering me. Am I still non binary if I am only attracted to cis guys? I feel that I am but I was curious to ask…
I agree with Lemony. Your gender and your sexuality are two separate things. As far as being a bad non binary person, avoiding people who invalidate you does not make you a bad person. It is a good thing to stand up for yourself. For years I myself refused to get involved with cis men due to them either fetishizing me or hating me. This changed when I finally met a man that demonstrated that I could trust his intentions, we are now married.
This right here. We try so You are you, made of a combination of traits that has never happened exactly the same way before, and never will again. It sounds like you know who you are and what you need in relationships and life. Please forgive me if I’m presuming, but it sounds like you want permission. You don’t need permission from anyone, but if it helps, you have mine! We’re all messy in our own way. It kind of doesn’t matter how anyone answers your question, whether they agree/approve. But there is nothing wrong with you or the combination of traits that make you you.
Tbh I also would prefer to date someone cisgender, because I feel like two trans people in one relationship is an overload. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with dating nonbinary person/people. What the heck, they should know better...
I know a lot of people who gave up on cis people because they became tired of being someones fetish and not being seen as who they see themselves, I was in this category until I met my current husband. While trans people do come with a huge load of baggage some people find that being with someone who has similar baggage is easier. I have actually never found anyone who did not come with baggage, the nature of the baggage often varies though.
