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Always considered straight, bicurious?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by heyooo, Apr 19, 2014.

  1. heyooo

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    Hi guys!

    I'm a 20 year old guy in university. My whole life I've considered myself straight. Although never having had a serious relationship with a girl (quite picky), I have had 'friends with benefit's' with a girl when I was around 17, and I loved it! Felt very sexually attracted to her while we were at it, but I just didn't find her relationship material I guess. Since then I've slept with a girl I knew as a kind of one night stand and enjoyed that too.

    A few weeks ago I had a gay dream, and found myself enjoying it. From what I recall, it was only him (some random guy, don't even remember knowing the face) going down on me, and it felt good. However, before I came, I woke up, and was kind of startled to what I had just dreamt. This is kind of what set me off on thinking whether I could be bi-curious. I don't really fantasize about guys, don't watch/jerk off to gay porn, and really all my guy friends I've only really considered as 'bros', nothing more. However, I can appreciate a good looking guy, like I'll see a guy and say yeah he's good looking, but I wouldn't really feel attracted to them like I would with women sometimes. I feel that my recently developed insecurity/lower self esteem (due to early balding) could cause this, and that these thoughts are also mixed in with jealousy? I don't think I could ever see myself dating/being in a relationship with a guy. I have thought what it would be like being with a guy, and although I guess I'm a little curious, to be honest I'm not sure I would enjoy it.

    Right now I'm also in my final exam period at university, so I guess I'm a little stressed out. I find myself thinking about this/being anxious for a while. A lot of the time I come to the conclusion that I am straight, but I still have this anxious feeling. Not sure why I'm feeling this way. I'm certain I'm not totally gay, and like I said I can't see myself dating/marrying a man, and have kind of accepted that I might be bi-curious, but I still feel this kind of anxiety/stress.
    Any thoughts?
    Thanks!
     
  2. Feardrop

    Feardrop Guest

    Hey there,

    From what you describe here you're not even curious. You're just a very standard straight guy. :icon_wink

    I also find it quite startling what human beings are able to dream of. You don't want to know what I already have dreamt of in my life. :help:
     
  3. StarlightBunny

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    Hi, I think dreams have some sort of meaning, even if it is only dreadging up feelings you have inside that we don't always acknowledge on the outside. An uncurious straight guy would not have even brought up the dream or had any feelings about it and certainly would not be thinking about gosh, that guy is cute or noticing sideways glances from him. You should definitely bump into him sometime and just say hi or wink or what I usually do to break the ice, as I am very shy even just for making regular friends is give him something like an Easter egg with candy in it or a stick of gum or find something to mention or ask about in that class you had together, like something you liked about it or make fun of the teacher's tie or something to get a smile and that always makes things easier. I like that you are not flying off the handle with this and thinking about it as more than what it is, so start off light and you are right, maybe you will find a new friend, maybe not, maybe it will lead to more friends.
    And being attracted to someone isn't always just about looks, sometimes it is their vibe or chemistry, many people can only date with someone they have very deep connections with, so not everyone is like Sex and the City and just dating every cute dude or girl that comes along, but more into starting as a friendship and seeing if it flows from there or not. I say go for it!
     
  4. heyooo

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    StarlightBunny i don't think you understood me properly. There is no guy which I am attracted to/have ever been attracted to, in the dream it was like I was seeing two guys with no faces, and one of them went down on the other, but it felt like he was going down on me, if that makes sense. I think I've realized I am bi-curious, but I still don't feel like I could be in a relationship with guy. I have 'moments of clarity' so to speak, where I know that I am straight, and always have been, and that I'm just a little bi-curious. I'm totally fine with that. however, it's like anxiety creeps up on me, and i get these tight chested feelings (anxiety i guess), and then i start to overthink it all over. But most times i just get to the conclusion that a guy would always be a friend, nothing more. The anxiety isn't helping with concentrating for revision for exams. meh, i dunno it's just kinda confusing
     
  5. StarlightBunny

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    Woops, sorry I mixed up posts.
    Sounds like you know exactly what is going on then buddy. I have no idea why you would even post here then if you have absolutely no thoughts about a guy. Getting a bj does not mean a relationship as you have pointed out.
    I would not hang around here so much then and start reconditioning to get rid of those thoughts if they are bothering you so much or talk to a counselor to help with the anxiety.
    Maybe start a mindfulness or meditation practice to help relieve that tightness in your chest and stop with any caffeine and less ssugary stuff. Good luck!
     
  6. Chip

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    I disagree there's nothing to indicate you're curious. You wouldn't take the time to post on a site for LGBT and questioning people if you weren't at least a bit curious, and the dream, which is a measure of what's going on in the unconscious, is often at least a pointer to something worth exploring :slight_smile:

    Now... whether that means you're gay or bi is something different entirely. You said you don't masturbate to guys or watch gay porn... but have you tried doing that? One of the problems with the coming out process is that, inherently, it involves stages (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) and it can sometimes be confusing to tell the difference between denial and genuinely having no interest whatsoever in the same sex.

    I know people (of which I was one) who were really amazingly clueless for years until something broke through the cluelessness/denial. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but if you're questiioning, it makes sense to rule it out.

    So you do that by watching some gay porn, and by trying to fantasize about guys while masturbating. If neither interest you in the slightest, you can't get hard, you don't get off... then you're straight. If, on the other hand, you find that you do get really aroused thinking about guys (even if it grosses you out in the process)... then things are less clear and point a little more toward being bi or gay.

    Again, the denial can get in the way of getting a clear answer, but someone who is truly straight won't be able to get aroused at the idea of being with another guy, or fantasizing about being with guys.

    I realize even thinking about this is probably terrifying. Don't let it be. Don't make assumptions that you are gay or bi. Just explore and see what happens, and feel free to post more here after you've done so.
     
    18breanna likes this.
  7. Kriskluwe

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