1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Almost coming out to my mom, kinda..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TomboyGoth, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. TomboyGoth

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2016
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere in space and time
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I saw my mom last weekend (i usually see her like once in a month or two). We were talking about my childhood and about my gender identity mostly. I got to open up about my feelings about my gender identity and i told her how i feel like i'm not a woman, but i'm not a man either. But that i like to dress in mens clothes and how i just now finally feel like i'm starting to be totally ok with it. How hard it was growing up without any "role models" (or just older kids i could have identified with). She was actually a bit sorry that she didn't quite get all that when i was a kid and couldn't help me more and buy me clothes that were more me. I didn't quite understand myself all that then either so it was my fault too for not saying something.

    She was totally fine with it, and of course she has seen how i like to dress and my haircut etc, she even has noticed that i walk very manly. She actually told me that when she was pregnant she first thought that she was having twins. Then she was certain i was going to be a boy. Ha, i guess she still kinda had a partly boy. :wink:

    Of course subject of gay people came up too, she is very supportive about lgbt movement and she has always been. I had a couple openings when i could have said something but i just couldn't do it. It's very hard to say you are questioning. When you say that, you can never get it back, even if you realize you aren't gay.

    I never told her i'm bi sexual. It didn't seem so important because i was with my now husband then. But i think it would have been easier to say now that i'm questioning if i had. I just could have done it like this: Hey, do you remember when i said i'm bi, well, i'm not so sure anymore, i might be gay...

    But how can i now say anything to her. It would be quite a surprise, i think. Or how the hell i know, she might suspect something but i have been with my husband so long that she probably has forgotten all those little signs.

    I just feel that i would need some motherly support in this. And she is divorced so that might give me some extra insight also. She also has a lot going on with my grandmom who is sick at the moment and requires a lot of care. So i don't know if it is a right time. I should be more of a support to her right now.

    Have any of you told anyone when you are just still questioning and how did you get on with it? Was it useful for you to open up to someone? I'm totally out to my husband but talking to him doesn't feel so useful or so tempting because i need to figure some things out myself rather than just speculating with him about everything.
     
  2. OutofZCloset

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    redlands
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am technically bi but when I left my husband I just told my family and friends that I was lesbian just to keep it simple. Straight people sometimes have a hard time that accepting that sexuality can be more fluid than just straight or gay. If however I were to go back to men then I would just tell them I was bi and I like both. I'm not really into labels myself but some people need that. As you get older it becomes less important...as do other people's opinions. But I do find it useful to have someone to talk to besides your spouce to get a different unbiased opinion.
     
  3. TomboyGoth

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2016
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere in space and time
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Haha, well, i'm not that young anymore and a label for me is kinda important right now because it will determine the future of my marriage. It feels just plain weird to talk to my husband about everything. He is very understanding but i still want to figure some stuff out before talking with him. I can't second guess everything with him, it is not very helpful and i think it influences my mind way too much. But thanks about your comment. I just might have to force myself to open up a bit about my situation with my mom.
     
  4. OutofZCloset

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    redlands
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hmmm....I don't know how unbiased your Mom could be. There's no good way to say it.

    "Mom I think I'm a LESBIAN and might be leaving my husband, what do you think?"

    I'm not sure my Mom would have been very helpful in that situation.
     
  5. TomboyGoth

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2016
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere in space and time
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Haha, yes, that sounds bad when you put it that way. Me and my husband are still bffs so i think i could just tell her that we are ok and since we do everything together anyway we are divorcing together also. :grin:

    I don't really have any good friends. We mostly have friend couples and i'm not so close with any of them. We just usually hang out and play games or watch movies. I don't really have anyone i could tell while i'm still questioning. I would come out of course after i have figured everything out. In my country it is not so bad to be out, i think there's little risk for violence etc so i don't see any reason not to come out. But in this stage i'm not ready to make it public. I just need even a one person i could talk to.