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Agender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by covert direwolf, May 18, 2017.

  1. covert direwolf

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    Hello everyone,

    I've done a lot of research about gender stuff, and I think that I'm agender. If you're trans, please help me figure out if I've got this right.

    I experience social dysphoria concerning she/her pronouns along with just flat out being called a girl. I am more comfortable with he/him pronouns, but I still don't think they fit right. I can deal with this mostly because I haven't come out and people don't know I'm questioning my gender, but my body dysphoria is much, much worse.

    I hate my tiny hands, short height, female sex organ, and, most strongly, my chest. I wear a cup size of DD, so I have some serious chest. It's so uncomfortable, and I have cried myself to sleep because I hated it so much and I don't feel myself in the body that I have. I hate that I'm expected to be this weak, submissive girl (my family is VERY traditional), and I can hardly take it anymore. I recently got a more androgynous haircut, and this has helped a lot though.

    One part of this whole questioning my gender thing really gets me, and it's that apparently, most cisgender lesbians still would like to have things inside them such as toys, and the idea of this disgusts me. I don't know if this is due to my gender, or if maybe I'm not a lesbian after all and I'm lithosexual. However, I would be perfectly fine having sex if I had the genitals of the opposite sex.

    Many online quizzes and things have told me that I could be trans masculine, and I do consider this a possibility. I kind of resonate with the male gender, but I'm really not sure. I hope to go on T sometime soon, and maybe when I start to transition to a neutral gender I'll keep going.

    The reason that I think I'm agender, though, is because I think that I don't really fit into either of the binary genders, and I feel like maybe I don't have one. I'd just like to be me, and express myself the way I want to express myself. I also would like to have an identity that reflects how I feel.

    Any advice is helpful. Thanks for reading. Have a good day! (*hug*)
     
  2. AlexJames

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    I don't like having anything inside me either. With penetration, though, it just doesn't bring anything to the table for me so i avoid it even just masturbating, cause i'm still a virgin.

    The only thing i know for sure rn is that i'm a lesbian (i use the word gay tho, i just prefer it.) I'm questioning my gender too, using the label bigender for now cause it most suits what i feel though i think the label genderfluid could fit to a point. Most days i just want to put some clothes on and am very neutral about it, but some days there's a distinct desire to be very feminine and do my nails, youtube search how to put on basic makeup, and actually open and use the hair straightener i bought but haven't used yet, etc. Other days i look in the mirror and wish i had a gender neutral haircut, a binder, and a variety of guy/androgynous outfits to put on instead. So its so varied i have no idea what i really feel and how much is just me obsessing or being in the moment versus how much is suppressed thoughts that were mentally blocked for years (like how i was with my sexuality).
     
  3. Worker Bee

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    Hi there. I identify as agender. I was born female. I don't feel any dysphoria although there are loads of things I'd like to change about me physically if I could.

    I wear men's clothes and scents and have a unisex haircut (I guess).

    However the reason I identify as agender is that I simply don't feel any aspects of feminity or masculinity.
     
  4. summersun

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    Same with me. I don't feel any dysphoria as well plus I wouldn't change anything on my body. I'm biologically a woman, but I don't feel a gender. I can't relate when people talk about female or male behaviour, attitude, communication, feelings -I don't know what gender feels like. I have never in my life felt it. Agender for me has no physical aspect. Love my body, love penetration, think mens scents smell better, mens jeans fit better. My body, look, scent is no male or female statement. It's just me and what I like. Both female and male pronouns create an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. If there was a neutral pronoun I'd choose it.
     
  5. Rickystarr

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    You could be agender or you could be FTM and just not used to the idea of being referred to as male because it is alien to you. Before I actually decided to transition, I always referred to myself as androgynous and felt no connection to femaleness yet I wasn't comfortable claiming to be male either because I felt like a liar in a way or like I wasn't masculine enough, particularly because of the way I looked and sounded pre-T. The more masculine my body/face looks, the more comfortable I become in my male identity. I realize now that is what I wanted all along but I was afraid to admit to it.

    However I have an old friend who had the opposite experience. They came out as FTM a few years before I did and started physically and socially transitioning soon after. They had top surgery and everything. Maybe four years into this, they came out again as agender and started using they/them pronouns (or attempting at least. I think they mostly still have to put up with he/him). They still take testosterone and everything and they're still happy with having had top surgery and still considers themselves trans, but over time realized they weren't really comfortable with male pronouns either and considered themselves more gender neutral. They seem a lot happier now that they're not trying to fit themselves into a binary gender box. I think the one thing they probably regret is not picking a more gender neutral name to begin with. And sometimes they'll go out dressed more femininely (and yet they do a pretty poor job of reading female) and that makes restroom experiences awkward for them all over again.
     
  6. covert direwolf

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    All of your advice has been really helpful to me. From what all of you have said, I have concluded that I would like to identify as male.

    I feel more masculine than feminine rather than neither or both, and that feminine side is mostly due to insecurity like wearing makeup because I think that my natural face isn't good enough. Today, actually, my religion teacher called me sir, and I got so happy. I had never been referred to as a man in society before, and I have found that this resonated with me. I also recently cut my already short hair so that I now have a more masculine-looking haircut, and I have been so much more confident in myself with just that aspect of who I am being expressed.

    Rickystarr, your comment about feeling like you weren't masculine enough to be male is exactly how I feel, and I'd like to thank you for giving me someone to relate to. And the name that I've picked for myself is Spencer, so it can be gender neutral if I realize that I am either nonbinary or androgynous after all.

    Thank all of you for your advice. I have never really talked to nonbinary people about how they feel before, and now that I know, I don't think that fits me as well as I thought it would. I had never talked to a trans man either, and this was very eye-opening.

    Thanks again! This really has helped me a lot.
     
  7. Rickystarr

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    Ha actually this is quite a coincidence but the name my agender friend goes by (and is their legal name at this point) happens to be Spencer...They feel like it should be a gender neutral name but pretty much everyone assumes they are male because of the name.
     
    #7 Rickystarr, May 19, 2017
    Last edited: May 19, 2017