Hey all. I recently (about 8-9 weeks ago) got into a new relationship with someone who I thought I had a lot in common with. We both like geeky stuff, both like similar films etc. and we hit it off when we met. The problem I'm having now is that the more I think about it the more I realise we don't really have that much in common, we both like technology but I'm more into the gaming side and he's more into the technical side, we both like gaming but I have an eclectic (retro, indie, WRPG, JRPG etc) taste and he's only really into shooters (despite my attempts to broaden his horizons), I like the tabletop side of things with geek culture (warhammer, mtg, dnd etc.) he show no interest in even learning one of them, we both like science but I'm into the human and animal sciences and he's into physics and technological science. I guess I'm wondering if maybe I rushed into things (we spent over a month talking before we even met and we didn't get together right away or anything) that I glossed over the differences. I'm also concerned it may not be so much that we aren't as similar as i thought but also that not long after getting together I was contacted by a younger guy who shares all my interests and the ones he doesn't share he wants to learn, perhaps it's just some sort of selfish fear that I got together with the "wrong" person? Another factor I think might be influencing it is how easily we got together, there wasn't much "working" for it, we hit it off and after a while got together. My last relationship (although disastrous) was with a guy who was much more similar to me (and closer to my physical ideal) who I really had to work for and despite having to put a lot of effort in before and during the relationship (he was very closed with his feelings and I always felt I wasn't keeping him interested enough) I never felt this way about him, I never had any doubts about him and me. So I guess...help? All this sort of arose a while back when I wanted to go out to a club with friends and I asked him along but he wasn't interested and I was put in the position of pickin between him and guys I hadn't seen in two weeks or more, got me thinking of all the other differences... Thanks
Hi Janos, I think I am in a similar situation. I am very close to my three month mark with this guy I recently been dating. Occasionally I get these intense feeling of wanting separation, like some kind of animal instinct. Having experience this right now I pin point down the following: - Do you have doubts in this relationship? - Temptation - The younger guy who share more interest with you, have you imagine/thought of being with him? - The concept on "working" for it - Do you feel like it was given to you too easily and therefore it's not worth as much? Last but not least, do you personally want to be in a relationship right now?
If you fall in love with two guys. Always pick the second because if you love the first you never would have fallen for the second.... Don't force something thats not meant to be. Yes, relationships require work, but if you are having doubts this early on, chances are it isn't something that is going to be what you are looking for in the long run.
Yes, relationships do require work, but if only one of the two is doing all the work...there's something not quite right. Insist on getting as well as giving! You are worth it.
Relationships are not founded solely on shared common interests. Is there love, devotion and commitment present? When we think of hetero couples, there are many stereotypes of the man being interested in sports, tools and fishing etc. while the female loves shopping and knows nothing of sports. Just a thought...not trying to change your mind if you feel it's truly not going to work. Just wanted to offer that perspective.
I'd say stop and consider what you truly feel. Do you feel a real attraction to this younger guy (as a person), or just what he represents (the possibility of a "better" lover)? If you really do like him, I'd say give him a try. But before anything, seriously decide whether you want to end your current relationship. Do you love each other, do you make each other happy? If you're not happy, and/or your boyfriend isn't making a fair amount of effort to spend time doing things you like (it should be balanced), then maybe it's time to end things.
This is not true! Humans have the ability to love many at once. Do you love your mom or dad less because you love your sister who came later? I am very much in love with two men right now and my heart aches for the one I can't have anymore due to I am loyal to my husband. The first is my best friend who I became FWB. He did not want to get tied down since we met at the end of his last relationship. Once I got tied down by my current husband we went to just friends. See my current man an I fell in love too and he was not afraid of comitment and did not want to loose me. So the first did lost me and got upset about loosing out. I was honest that I wanted more than FWB and I would keep looking until I found it. He did not believe me and thought I was wrapped around his finger. I do not wish to be with someone just like me. That would be boring. We are opposites and he constantly introduces me to new things and I him. I am a housewife, he is a man who needed one. He is a country redneck, I'm a big city society girl. We are as diffrent as we can be, and it makes us the perfect couple. so give your man a chance! Don't just throw a relationship away on a maby with a younger guy. You have to work on a relationship and make goals and acheve them together. Grow stronger as a couple, not grow apart. Good Luck, June
After reading what everyone has to contribute on this, I personally think the hardest and probably the "right thing to do" is to tell your partner how you feel right now. I know it's early, and I know it's going to be SUPER awkward, but If you don't open up yourself now to this individual about your doubts/fears and your questions about your relationship, when would it truly be a good time? After you figure all this out on your own? (with the help from us ) Sort of related stuff: There are neat ways of being transparent without the "ahem we need to talk" speech. Try using goggle docs and share a document so both of you can express freely. The concept of "working for it" - Sometimes you just DON'T have to "Work" for it. Yeah it's hard to accept that, but it happens. Be grateful and feel good about it. For E.g. It would suck if you gave a gift to a friend and they were nervous or somewhat unsure of what to do with your generous gesture
