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After Coming Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheStormInside, Jun 3, 2016.

  1. TheStormInside

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    It's been some time since I've posted on this board, and I'm happy to report that I am now out to all of my immediate family. I came out to my parents a little over a month ago. It was a bit of an odd talk, I spoke to my mom only, and still have not directly spoken to my father on the issue, though the letter I sent to them was for both of them so he definitely knows. My mother's initial response was weepy but accepting and loving.

    I'm an adult and I live some distance from my parents so I don't see them very often, but I visited them about a week ago, and the silence around my coming out was incredibly awkward. Eventually I did bring up the subject myself and it was a difficult conversation with my mother. She's expressed that she and my father are "not happy about it" but they still love me, and she had some weird but humorous fears, like being worried I was going to shave my head.

    Anyway, my question is, how do you handle it when you know your family is having a rough time? I was initially really elated about coming out, but now I feel kind of down and a little like I need to keep things to myself despite wanting to be able to be more open and free. I know as an adult I don't have to worry about a lot of the things teens do, but it still hurts that my family seems disappointed in me, despite their acceptance.
     
  2. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    I handled my parents taking it not so smoothly by talking to them about it. My mum's biggest regret in how she dealt with things (as she has now told me) is that she didn't realise I was having any problems dealing with being gay and with their response to me coming out.

    My mum had some funny fears too! Talk it through with them - it sounds like they'd be open to it as they have made it clear they still love you.
     
  3. TheStormInside

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    Thanks, Connorcode, I will try that. It's tough because while my parents have always been loving we've never had the type of relationship where we talk about emotions and things. So this is awkward all around for all of us, especially with my father and I whose deepest conversations consist of the latest twist on Game of Thrones. (And even then, they're brief heh).

    How did your parents react? And how long ago did you come out to them? I imagine it's going to take my parents some time to come around, as they seem to have a lot of odd ideas about what being gay means. They come from a generation where coming out was not nearly so common. I suggested to my mom that she could check out a PFLAG group, but she's told me she doesn't want to do that yet, though she'll think about it when they move to their new place and there is one closer by (which will be some time from now, but I guess we'll see).