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Afraid to take the leap

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by love dont judge, Jul 10, 2020.

  1. love dont judge

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Lost in the storm clouds
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I went to college this year, I did so completely socially transitioning. Everyone knew me by my name and pronouns, I was/am part of a woman's only scholar group, and I presented myself to the world entirely as my true self. And yet, when I got back home, I can't seem to assert myself with my name and pronouns to my family. I desperately want to start hormones once I get back to school in the fall. And yet, I'm torn and I'm holding myself back. I already know this is the right path for me. I've been socially transitioning in various increments for 2-3 years now, the largest and most definitive being this last year. But I can't seem to get past this hurdle. My parents/fam all know I'm trans, I've presented as fem with them, etc. But I can't seem to initiate the conversation or make any appointments for hrt or anything like that. This is like... my last hurdle but I don't even know how to get past it. Does anyone have any advice for getting through it? Or even any personal anecdotes?

    I think I'm just afraid because hormones to me signify a point of no return (I am aware that change is slow and I can stop taking them whenever I'd like with doctor supervision so its not really a point of no return). But it's such a definitive and "final" step that I can't seem to go through with it. Before, I was able to make excuses (I was a minor, I just needed to get out of my small, closed-minded town, etc), but now I'm in a very accepting environment at college and my fam is more or less on board so how do I get myself on board?
     
  2. ChescaC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2013
    Messages:
    196
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    70
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Look at Hormones as the next step, not the final step.
    Hormones are a required part of SRS, if you’re thinking that route. If you are wanting SRS, hormones are just the next step.
    You’ve probably heard it before, but the reason SRS requires the year of hormones is because doctors(and insurance) want to make sure you can commit to a lifelong change.

    As for getting onto hormones, I went to my local Trans Resource Center on the day they had a Nurse Practitioner there and was able to get my appointment to see my Endocrinologist scheduled for a little over a month out from that point.
    Getting onto hormones is liberating.

    So please, don’t look at Hormones as the ‘final’ step. Just the next step.
     
  3. solarcat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Messages:
    125
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    15
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Even when you really want something, a big step like this can be a bit daunting.

    I remember being really nervous about calling for an appointment for HRT. I knew it was something I wanted, I knew my family would be onboard (they had been pretty accepting so far), so there was nothing holding me back except for nervousness. I hesitated before taking my first pill because it was very "first day of the rest of my life".

    I just had to keep reminding myself why I wanted HRT. I was nervous making the appointment, but figured I'll have a long wait before they can even see me, so the idea that is was still a while away made me less nervous about it since it's not looming over me as much.
     
    ChescaC likes this.
  4. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,588
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    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do you want HRT? Or is it something you have second thoughts about?