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Afraid of change.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by anon4ever, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. anon4ever

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    Hi!
    Just discovered this forum and thought it would be a good place to start.
    I'm a girl who likes girls. But I never got the chance to explore. Unfortunately I have been raised to believe that as a female, I belong to the man - sex is penis in vagina missionary style, and convinced myself that I like it. I never actually did. I don't even find men attractive. I just started to love them after a while, after they fell in love with me.
    Basically everything has been a total lie and it's come to a point where I can't stand it anymore. I'm so jealous of all lesbians who are proud and content with who they are - and OUT.

    I have a boyfriend now who is also the father of my child. If I come out to him - everything will change. He thinks I'm bisexual. We have talked about this but I convinced him that I love him and want to be with him. I'm afraid to loose him because I depend on him financially and emotionally. I would probably end up alone, unemployed, with no place of my own - and god knows what would happen to our baby!

    I long for the day I can be free, and completely myself. It feels awful that I might stay with a man for the rest of my life, even though I do love him. Just not like THAT.

    What do I do? Tell him or just keep going? I haven't told anyone at all - it's a super secret...
     
  2. BiBarefeet

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    Hiya, I do not want to tell you what is best for you, only you can decide, and we all have our own little unresolved problems and situations. But at least you are not married, so that's something at least.
    Perhaps you should think about getting yourself to a point one day where you are not financially dependent on him. Once you have that freedom, then you can decide how to proceed, but safe in the knowledge that you will be ok with your daughter, without him.
    Then you can attend LGBT clubs and groups, meet like-minded people, and slowly plan your life as a lesbian mummy.
    Be strong sweetie x
     
  3. Lia444

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    We only get one life and don’t we all just want to be happy? You don’t sound very happy at the moment but you could be. Do you have a friend or relative you can talk too as just getting it out there will be a huge weight lifted. You can then work on how to be financially independent etc and work on a plan for the life you want? Do you mind me asking how old you are? Have you read through the late in life section? As you will find a lot of stories similar to yours. If you are young then do you really want to wait til your 30s or 40s to live the life you want? At least you know who you are, some (like me) didn’t even figure that out til later on haha. Baby steps and you will get to where you want to be. We can’t tell you what to do but from your post I think you know what you want, you are just scared and not sure how to get it. Hugs.
     
  4. anon4ever

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    Thank you for your reply!
    You're right that only I can decide... It sounds wise to start building a life for myself, to take it slowly... Get a job and plan for the future. I think that would make me feel safer in case it ends with us breaking up. I have a lot of gay friends who I know would be supportive. It's just draining to lie to everyone!
    Hugs to you xx

    ou
     
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  5. anon4ever

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    Hey, thanks for replying!
    No I'm not very happy... I've tried to hint to friends and family but I want my boyfriend to know first, because it involves him. I'm 21 - so I still consider myself young and I know I have my life ahead of me. But it's serious with my boyfriend as we are parents and live together..
    I said earlier, but it does seem like a good plan to slowly start to earn some money, think about options. And eventually tell him.
    But yes, it's SCARY!
    Hugs!!! x

     
  6. BiBarefeet

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    My pleasure, I feel your pain. With time you can at least be free to make the decision to stay with him or be with a woman. X
     
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  7. Lia444

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    Yeah that’s the main reason I told my family, I couldn’t keep lying anymore and worrying that I couldn’t be myself and not say the wrong thing. 21 is very young, don’t do what I did and get to 34 as you will feel that you wasted so much time. I didn’t know that I was gay but I didn’t exactly put any effort into figuring outwho I was, I just pushed it to one side. Time can go by very quickly so it’s good that you have time on your side. Good luck.
     
  8. anon4ever

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    I'm glad to hear you found the courage to tell them :slight_smile:
    I've been talking to my boyfriend today and tried to bring up a discussion about sexuality. I didn't say exactly what I want to say but at least now he knows that Im struggling and questioning things. We'll just take it from there.
    Thanks again!

     
  9. Lia444

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    Well done that’s a good first step. We are always here if you ever need to chat.
     
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