I'm a 39 year old male, that is totally 100% confused on my sexuality..... I've always found women to be beautiful and love having sex with them and love vagina. I was married for 7 years and have two young girls, and am now divorced now. I can remember since I was little playing with my butt and putting things in it and it was always exciting ..... I went on to live the macho life with the stereotypical guys guys... I played football, was in the Army Infantry, etc.... I always watched a lot of porn and it seemed like I would need more stimulation something more taboo to have an orgasim, and I started watching gay porn and really enjoyed it especially the trans world.... i have always dressed up in my sisters or mother panties when I was a kid and would buy some later in life but after I would buy some dildos or bottom toys I would feel like it wasn't me so I always would through them away, but I always seem to come back to them. I have had sex with several guys, I am defiantly a bottom, and only one or two experiences I was able to get into? I still LOVE beautiful women and their sexuality, and have never noticed a guy that I have ever found attractive or attracted too? I love the thought of being submissive and other guys penis's, and being a bottom, but I can't ever see myself being with or dating another man.... My family and my friends would be totally supportive with what ever I came out with.... Now that I live by myself I was having great sex with a woman but having a VERY hard time orgasiming, and when I get topped I almost never am hard? I just shaved all my private areas and play with dildos all the time and wear a jock strap or thongs.... I have always daydreamed about being trans, but I have a beard, I've created a meat head body, and I think I would love to be passable and dress in sexy clothes, but keep my hardware and be with another person that is trans.... I appreciate anyone that reads my all over the place post and thoughts and feelings..... So confused and wish I could figure this out..... I've always suffered from severe anxiety and bouts of depression.... I think there is something I need to discover and be comfortable with about my sexuality... Thank you for any responses!!!
It sounds like you've had a lot of different kinds of sex. I acknowledge u for experimenting & trying different things out. It also sounds like you're a bit preoccupied by sex … some would call it obsessed …trying different things out, porn, toys, etc. You're free to do what u want, obviously, that's what freedom is all about! However, I notice u said nothing about individual people or relationships. I've had a preoccupation w receiving oral sex … yet always noticed that the guys I find to service me are not friend material, they often do poppers or other drugs, which I'm not into. A trusted friend asked me last week "Are u happy w the kind of men u attract to service u,?" The answer was a big "NO!" Sex is really an expression of the heart. U look for someone u have some attraction to. It's not just about putting your dick in a warm container. So I ask u: Are u happy w the people u attract? Are your sexual practices giving u happiness, satisfaction & fulfillment?
Thanks Tomas, I've been married for 7 years and that ended last summer, and then I went into a 10 month relationship with a woman...... I guess right now I'm not obsessed with sex, just really trying to find my way in who I am for the first time in my life. I'm not seeing anyone or screwing anyone, I just have these mixed messages that I'm trying to sort out.... I just feel really scrambled in what attracts me but that is different from how my body feels.... if that makes any sense?
Brian, Only u can make sense out of the scrambling. Part of being a human is having choices & alternatives, tho different people handle them differently. An analogy often used in this area is "Do u want to be guided by your upper or your lower brain?" There are consequences here, according to how u to xpress your sexuality. Sexual urges & drives can be very strong - I got that they are for u, yet what I was trying to say in my prior post, is that ultimately, sex is a way of connecting w others. I suggest getting in a quiet place, going inside, & asking your gut, "what do i for my sexuality?" Our gut is the source of our deepest wisdom … far more true to our nature, than our head or our dick.
