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Advice on coming out to parents as bisexual

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mischa91, Jan 14, 2010.

  1. mischa91

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    Hi, i never thought i'd say this but it's times like this i wish i was a lesbian.

    I want to come out to my mam (and of course my dad, but really what she knows, he knows) as bisexual but it just seems like if i sit down with her and say "mam, i'm bisexual" it would raise alot more questions than if i sat down and said "mam, i'm gay".

    I'm pretty sure she knows i'm not 100% straight (same with my dad); they've both said things in the past that made me think they suspect.

    my mam: she's talked to one of my good friends about my 'views on men', she told me that one of her aunts was a lesbian, when we went on vacation (just me & her) to miami she told me there was a gay friendly beach nearby. shes never out right asked me but she's skirted around the issue.

    my dad: not long ago we got onto the subject of gay people and homophobia, it's not really important how we got to that discussion but we did, he said that he the way he saw it being gay was a genetic thing so he didn't have a problem with it. this completely surprised me at the time as i've always thought my dad was a little closed minded about a lot of things.

    Anyway, what i'm looking for is advice on how to approach the topic of bisexuality and maybe reactions from other people who've come out as bi to their parents.

    Once i'm out to them i could care less who knows, i'll tell everyone on facebook, hell i'll call up my grandma and tell her (even though she'd forget within about 10 minutes, bless her). It's just them i'm a bit stumped with.
     
  2. adam88

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    I don't know how helpful my experiences could be, but here goes.

    I simply told my mother the truth, that I had recently come to the conclusion that I was a bisexual, where I thought I was straight before. She said she was surprised but relatively open. If you're concerned about stereotypes, there's a great list of rebuttals against common bisexual stereotypes somewhere on the net (found it! On this very site, of all places...:slight_smile:) you can read and maybe print off if you feel you'll need it.

    In any case, it sounds as though your mother will take it well, supportive even.

    I wish you well. It feels good to get it off your chest. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Prccgeek

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    I recently had the same issue when I came out to my mom as bi. I didn't even think that it would be a problem. I thought she would just react the same as if I said I was lesbian. However, it did really throw her for a loop. she was very accepting of it, but she did bombard me with questions. "Why bi? What do you consider bi? Do you like one sex better than the other?" And yes, it went on like that for three hours. Okay, but telling you this isn't probably making you feel better.

    What i would tell you, is just to be prepared. Adam88 idea of printing stuff off is a great idea. It will give your mom solid information and give you a chance to breathe if she is throwing a lot of questions at you. And also keep in mind, questions are good. Yes, it is not always comfortable to answer them, especially after you have been working so hard to hide it all and now you are supposed to answer them all at once. I didn't even have answers to all the questions my mom asked me, but I was just honest with her about it. Even if it feels like a lot to handle or is just long, tedious, and annoying, it is better to have that open dialogue. It makes it easier to talk in the future and shows she really just wants to understand and get to know this part of you.

    Just be confident, honest, and very patient. my best of wishes to you. feel free to pm me anytime too. :slight_smile:
     
  4. littledinosaurs

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    Coming out as Bi to your parents can often be harder than coming out to them as gay.

    With my mom she asked a lot of questions along the lines of "Have you kissed both? Had sex with both??" and was probably more thrown off by those answers than me actually being Bi. She really couldn't understand the idea of liking both at the same time at all. They also really want to look for which way you lean which to me is an attempt to say "oh she's actually just gay/straight and this bi thing will go away" Also don't assume she'll tell your father; I thought the same thing till it came up once and he was like "you are?"

    Another note with coming out as bi is that I think for a while it can give parents a false hope that you'll just end up with someone of the opposite sex no matter what. It gives them an opportunity to ignore the part of you that likes people of the same-sex. So I'd suggest if you date to introduce them to your parents (at an appropriate time in your relationship) so they can see that this bisexuality is here to stay.

    (Also to promote my Bisexuality thread which may or may not contain useful info for you: http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26224&highlight=Bi/pan-sexuality)
     
  5. mischa91

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    Thanks for the info and advice. I'll definitely print off that list, thanks adam88.

    I have a feeling there'll be a lot of awkward questions so being prepared does seem like a good plan.

    also, i had a look at that thread littledinosaurs and it was very useful so thank you!
     
  6. adam88

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    Let us know how it goes! :slight_smile: And don't worry, it'll be fine.