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Advice for Mom & Daughter Both Using EC

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Supportivemom, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. Supportivemom

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    Hi,

    My daughter is turning 13 soon and I want to encourage her to use this site for fortification and community.

    Any advice appreciated on:

    -- parent AND child both navigating the site
    -- 13 yo setting up profile - how much to reveal?
    -- usernames - confidential or not -- and here I mean both ways, me knowing hers, her knowing mine

    Thanks!
     
  2. Reggie

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    I have no clue if my (trans) son is here or not.

    I know he is in some online communities. I intentionally decided not to look to see. :slight_smile:

    On one hand, I worry that some of what I have written could identify myself to him. On the other, I'm not writing anything that he couldn't or shouldn't see.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 05:56 AM ----------

    How much to reveal? As little as possible. My son is 14, and we've talked about not revealing info that could lead to city identification.
     
  3. Supportivemom

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    Hi Reggie,

    Thanks for your advice. I like and will follow.

    I agree - I've gone back and looked at what I've posted and if my daughter could figure out it was me then she would just see some honest self-disclosure and vulnerability along with the love.
     
  4. Shadstack

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    From the perspective of a yonger person, I'd hate for my mum to be seeing what I would be doing on this forum, even if I was out to her. The point is you can just be yourself on here, but with your mum looking over your shoulder, it'd feel like you can't. I'd feel very discouraged from saying certain things that I wouldn't if I was alone. I know you want to look after your daughter and you're a great parent for doing so, it's your call at the end of the day, but take it from someone similar to your daughter's age.
     
  5. Shorthaul

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    I would keep her location pretty obscure. The site is already pretty focused on not putting your personal identification out... I mean there is that big, bright yellow warning up at the top. At least there is one I see.

    How much the two of you interact on the site, really depends on what your relationship is. She might want a little anonymity from you, so she can ask questions she might not be comfortable with you being able to read.

    Its a difficult balancing act, you want her to be safe and she would want some freedom.
     
  6. Reflect Manta

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    I don't think children should have their exploration and experimentation interfered with. they'll figure out life and come for support/information on their own. until then, leave'em to it. introduce too many of these elements at a young age and you'll set them to looking for it, often to get attention from you. whether that's to prove you right or wrong, you're still robbing them of some unnecessary degree of their agency.
     
  7. TraceElement

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    you could point her to this site, but id suggest not asking for her user name, just be aware she is on it. as you can see from being here, there is a very low tolerance for bullshit, and part of the rules are limiting identifying characteristics and we (at least I do) try to keep an eye out for suspicious things/posts and alert mods. We're not allowed to give out our phone numbers, addresses, facebooks, or anything that could link us to another social media site.
     
  8. Spartan 117

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    While I appreciate that I might be a bit late to this thread, I just thought I'd say you are welcome to post a thread in Ask The Staff to discuss this further. If there is any way we can protect the privacy of you and your child, we're happy to do that for you.

    In terms of our safety, EC is heavily moderated and monitored. We know we have young members here and work hard to protect them. However, normal common-sense online safety guidelines apply. You may want to talk to your daughter about our rules - to use a unique username, be very careful not to disclose any information that could be used to find you off-site. It's against our rules to give out contact information publicly, so it might be good to remind them not to give out their email address or any social media usernames.

    I will say that we have a dedicated staff team here who work around the clock to keep this website safe for young people. There are many other 13 year old users here who use the website safely and without incident.
     
  9. bubbles123

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    I appreciate you supporting your daughter so much and helping her to explore herself and the community she's a part of!! One thing though is perhaps it would be better for her if she could do it knowing that you didn't know her account. As long as you keep communication open about Internet safety and things and ideas you and her don't seem safe or appropriate, I'm sure she will be fine on her own on the site. I know you want to protect her and make sure she's being treated okay, but I think this is one of those situations where she needs to explore on her own. I think the experience will only be valuable and helpful to her if she is doing it on her own and feels she can share her thoughts and feelings even while she's still sorting them out or doesn't feel comfortable with family seeing them yet. That doesn't mean she wouldn't trust you seeing her thoughts, but it's often easier to be open and vulnerable with strangers while you're still figuring things out and exploring.

    And I can 100% with assurance say that this is a super safe site in every way: negative comments, sharing of personal info, innapropriate or hurtful threads, all of this is kept a close watch on and actions are taken as needed by site staff immediately. And regardless it's a very safe and helpful community on the whole so there aren't many problems like on other sites. And this is coming from someone who was afraid of using any social website alone. Seriously, it's a great site and this is a stage where she needs to explore and find answers to questions she has deep inside. I hope this is helpful to you and good luck!

    Also, in terms of personal info you can choose if you want birthday shown or not, which many don't and it will still show your age if that's what you want, which is what matters the more to most people anyway (since you can find and talk to people at similar ages as you more easily) and if you decide you want to show less specific info about anything at any time, you can change that. You can even change your username if you choose. Good luck!
     
    #9 bubbles123, Jul 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2016
  10. R M

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    good to hear. i wouldnt put out too much personal information. also maybe your daughter wants more privacy and youll have to respect if she doesnt want you to know her name. or maybe have her write her account name and password down pn a piece of paper and use that in case of emergencies
     
  11. GoodVibes117

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    i agree very much with everyone saying
    a. reveal very little personal info
    b. respect that she may want to keep her username private
     
  12. Supportivemom

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    Thanks so very much everyone. I will follow the advice of having a general internet safety talk with freedom and confidentiality for her as a user here on this site. My experience so far of this site has been very positive and I feel comfortable with her navigating on her own -- thanks for the further reassurances. In fact, she saw me using it a few months ago by accident and I told her about it so it's already on her radar screen.