TLDR: How can I come out as non-binary at school (or at least change my name and pronouns) without making it awkward for anyone? I'm out to most of my family and one close friend, and I'm able to easily pass as gender-neutral on my online accounts such as this one, but at school, everyone knows me by my legal name and he/him pronouns and assumes I'm a guy since that's what I am biologically. I want to be out at school but I'm not sure how to approach this. My school is very liberal and inclusive with plenty of LGBTQ+ students and even more straight allies, so I'm not concerned about people's reactions. However, I'm extremely shy and can be socially awkward when I communicate verbally, so having to answer a bunch of questions and handle a sudden change in attitude towards me from my classmates would be like hell for me. Any advice on how I can come out at school (or at least change my name and pronouns) without making it awkward for me or anyone else?
Hi Alex.....That is a bit of a difficult question to answer. Your description of the school however, makes me think that you can do this. Your school sounds very accepting so I'm wondering what you think the reaction of the students and faculty would be to a Facebook-type post that explains what you want to do and what your concerns are. If you were to request that it be handled low-key do you think that most people at the school would honor your request? You could even go so far as to anticipate several of the most likely questions that people would have and do a FAQ in your post with the answers posted there so that you wouldn't need to deal with them face-to-face. These are just thoughts off the top of my head...give them a thought and then get back to me and let me know what you think might work and what you think might not. You sound like a very thoughtful teenager...I hope that we can help you work this out! .....David
Thanks for the advice, Quebec! Unfortunately, though, I haven't been able to come out at school yet due to a couple of barriers. For one thing, I'm not allowed on any social media platforms, so I can't make a post. The only way I can communicate online with most people in my grade is through our school email accounts, which we're not allowed to use for non-academic purposes. Also, at my last school GSA meeting (on Thursday,) I heard some not great things about how the LGBTQ+ community is treated in my grade. I always just assumed that they were accepted since there are a few LGBTQ+ students in my classes and they seemed pretty happy, but another non-binary student has said that there are serious problems with anti-LGBTQ+ slurs and teachers who don't do anything about it. Next week though, some administrators will be giving all the classes "social-emotional learning" lessons, so these might address the LGBTQ phobia that has been going on. I'll just have to wait it out and see what happens. I understand that it might be difficult to give me advice in this situation, and that's fine, but I just thought I'd let you know so I'm not leaving you in the dark.
Hey Alex.....That's great that your school is making an effort to talk about social issues and, like you, I do hope that they bring up treating LGBTQIA+ individuals like people...because that's what we are people...not freaks. I spent 41 years as a high school teacher and my school never talked about anything like this, so I'm hoping that this is a sign that things are improving! Please let us know how the "social-emotional learning" lessons went after they are over. .....David