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Advice about my trans cousin's mom??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MyFlowerKing, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. MyFlowerKing

    Regular Member

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    Alright, so my cousin is trans(female to male). All his life, he's been extremely un-girly, and whenever he had to learn about like female puberty or the female body in school, he would just be completely disgusted and depressed and he also refused to wear dresses. He absolutely hates identifying with anything that's known for being girly. So when he came out to me as trans, I really wasn't surprised. He's also asexual, biromantic. When he came out to his mom-actually the first to know- she completely rejected the idea. This is probably because he's only 12.
    Now, I'm not saying that he's too young to decide his own identity. To be honest, I think he's right and 10 years from now he'll be transitioned or transitioning. He's also really mature for his age- me, my friends and family, even himself frequently forget that he's that young. He's got the mentality of like, a 15 year old, which is more towards the age people envision when they think trans people coming out. (That I know of, anyway. I'm not saying people in their 20's, 30's, even older than that don't come out because they do. And younger people- I mean there's people as young as 13 on this site and I've read stories of even younger kids who don't necessarily know what transgender is but know they are not their birth gender.)
    So my aunt is completely dismissing that him being transgender is a possibility. In fact, she blames that my cousin has access to the internet and found these terms and therefore thinks its a 'craze'. She also thinks it's because my cousin isn't boy-crazy or anything yet, so she thinks that he thinks there must be something wrong with him. Along with that, she doesn't believe in the seperation of romantic and sexual attraction and is being really inconsiderate about that aspect of this as well. Basically, she forced my cousin into saying he's a tomboy and asexual. She also spoke with me and told me not to encourage it, and that if I knew someone was influencing these thoughts I had to tell her so that she could stop them. I'm not doing either of those things. I'll support him no matter what, and I wouldn't help her cause him emotional pain.
    On top of this, it makes me afraid to come out to my mom as bisexual. I'm afraid she'll tell my aunt (her sister) or mention it accidentally or something and that my aunt won't let me and my cousin hang out. This would be AWFUL. Though he's 4 years younger than I, me and my cousin are basically best friends. We trust each other greatly and have a connection that makes us such great friends. But I know my aunt would interpret me being bisexual and close to him as me being 'evil' and 'putting these thoughts into her daughter's head'.
    This turned out to be kind of long but I felt like I needed all the info, as well as I probably accidentally went off on a tangent or two. I need advice because I'm sure my aunt will confront me about it again, so I want to be prepared with some ideas of how I can respond. I also don't know if I can tell my mom I'm bi now. I could ask her not to tell my aunt, but she'd wonder why I was being specific about not telling her, and I don't think my cousin would be comfortable with me telling about him. He only gave me permission to tell someone else once, and it was because the other person was transgender as well. So yeah.. anyone who could help me.. it would be much appreciated.
     
  2. Im Hazel

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    You could get your cousin to show her the Mermaids/NHS's articles about dysphoria and transexuality (etc.). I find that they are pretty good. I have never had to deal with transphobia (yet), so I don't really know how to persuade people. Try just talking to your aunt about it (hopefully with your cousin), and explain it. Getting your cousin to explain how painful living as a girl is for him - and why he is actually a boy - could be very powerful. You say he is mature, so assuming that he is a good speaker, he could say something very persuasive.
     
  3. MyFlowerKing

    Regular Member

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    Thanks, I'll have to look up the articles! And yeah, it's difficult encountering people who are phobic of anything LGBT+. (in my personal opinion its biphobic/people who think that I'm 'gay but still trying to get into heaven' as they say) It's pretty hard for him and I just want to support as much as I can. We keep trying and she doesn't accept it, even though we both clearly know what we're talking about. Thank you for the advice very much :slight_smile: I'll have to look up the articles and tell my cousin about them.