I’m 50 - identified as a straight male with grown kids, and currently single. Inside I identify as a female (mostly, with a component of genderqueer - I’m still figuring out what “category” I fall into). I want to feel like my authentic self, and don’t really care how others choose to identify me. I also want to continue to have meaningful relationships/partnerships. I don’t have great desires to where makeup, women’s clothes, etc - but I would like people I care most about to know who I am inside. My question isn’t so much about “if” I should come out, but more about advice on when. I’ve figured a lot of it out - but do I wait until I’ve come to a more concrete decision on how I want to present? Or do I come out now, and let people know what I figure out along the way? (I realize there is no right answer here … just looking for the wisdom of other peoples experiences)
Identified.....So sorry that no one has responded to your post before now! Just my opinion...and of course you have to make the final choice...I think it would be better and easier if you came out now. Then you could gradually change how you present. That might be easier for your friends, etc. than a sudden, total change in how you look as well as coming out all at the same time. Good luck and I hope all goes well! .....David
Hi Unidentified, I don't have any personal experience with gender identity questions, so I might not be of help. But I'm inclined to agree with David. Even if you were just to tell others generally what's going on, I think they would be able to understand, and expect, that you will be continuing to undergo life changes. On the other hand, if you have people in your life who are going to doubt or fight with you, it may be easier to come out to those people after you change how you present yourself. -PBB
I came out to my best friend first- it was definitely a shock and at first she asked if I was sure. I gave her time to process it, in fact, I was still processing it myself (I told her very early on). Now when it came to my parents, I'd had time to process somewhat and I didn't come out- I was found out. My best friend is my biggest ally, and my parents essentially police me so that I find myself walking a tightrope/ living a double life to a degree. I wish I could come out. The biggest advantages I can think of are as follows: you don't have to hide anymore, you can figure out what stops your dysphoria, you can change your name and pronouns and seek medical transition if you want to, your mental health will very likely improve, and most importantly- you can be yourself!