For the most part I have left this forum, but this is something I really want to discuss. I am a college student (not going to name where I go for privacy concerns), and I told one of my mentors (who is required to keep things confidential) that I struggle with Same Sex Attraction, and I was in my apartment, and I thought my roommate was gone because he didn’t come out to say hi like he usually does, but he was home and overheard the entire conversation! Now I’m worried he will tell everyone he knows! I go to a college that is not very gay friendly and a lot of people will judge me if they find out.
anonmember.....I am so sorry that you find yourself in this spot. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your roommate, but if he is any kind of a decent person you should be able to talk to him and explain how important it is to you to keep what he heard private. Unless he is a real jerk you can hope that he will respect your request. Better talk to him soon though...he may not realize how important this piece of information is to you. I would hope he does, but it could be hard to tell. The sooner you speak to him about this, the better your chances of keeping this from getting out. .....David
Unfortunately, there may not be a whole lot you can do about this. I echo David's thoughts; talk to your roommate and discuss it with him. The problem is, that sort of info tends to be juicy gossip, and it's hard to resist not telling *one* person or two people... who invariably tell someone else, and it spreads. So... in the worst case, where it does spread around campus, what does this mean for you? From your previous conversations, as I remember, it's pretty clear you are gay or at least at the gay end of the spectrum, so perhaps this could simply be an opportunity to get into integrity with yourself. Unless you're really at a hostile place (like a right wing Christian school), even relatively conservative colleges are usually at least somewhat open to gay people these days.
I agree with the above, have the frank conversation, soon. When I was in college a guy I knew from an activity group revealed he was gay. More unusual back in that part of the 20th century than it is now. Later when a group of different friends was saying “I don’t think I know any gay people” I spoke up and said, yes you do, we know Charles, he is gay. (Ooops. Outed him. First and Last time I have done this.) A friend spoke up and wisely said, “you shouldn’t out people, even though Charles is fine being out, it is his to share.” Good advice, decades before “Love, Simon” movie was in the theatre and echoed the same message. Your friend might think it is no big deal. You need to let him know it is to you, and yours to share when you are ready.
Can't really add anything that hasn't already been said: I think it really comes down to what kind of dynamic you and the roommate share, if he's ever expressed views against or for LGBT+ rights, etc. Try to feel things out; how do you know he heard the conversation? Is it possible he had headphones on and was blissfully unaware that you even were there, talking to your mentor? Has he expressly said he heard, and if so, did he say anything else? What was his tone, his body language? If he did in fact say he overheard, then I think it might be a good idea to talk to him about it, see where he stands with you and your confession, and ask point-blank if needs be that he not reveal your private conversation to anyone else. If he makes trouble for you, I imagine it would be like doing it to himself, since you do occupy the same space. What's to stop anyone from thinking you guys are more than roommates if he lets it slip? Given you said your college isn't exactly LGBT+ friendly, if he were to blow the whistle on you, he could be opening himself up to the same kinds of abuse. If he seems inclined toward doing so, I'd bring that up. I'm not saying threaten him with it--just that it might not be something he's considered and to throw you under the bus might backfire on him, as well. Hopefully your roommate is a decent person. I hope things work out.
I agree with all thats been said above. I have been in a similar situation so I guess what I can say is take the advice of the good people of EC who have given it on this thread and go ahead with it. Maybe it won’t turn out like @Chip said the way it turned out for me. At the time I didn’t know how to deal with it and I didn’t have any support. But through this forum. I am beginning to understand better about what people go through and how people may struggle for years for being different. Anyway only you should be the one to say something or not about a matter that I think is very personal.
