Hello, I'm not having a good day and I feel that I need to share some thoughts that are going on my mind right now. For a long time, I really thought that I wasn't hiding anything, that I simply didn't want to and didn't need to talk about my sexuality or act on it. I tought that I was completely fine with it, but I'm not, and I've been trying to act "normal" not because I want to, but because I'm afraid. I've convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal, but the time is passing and now I'm feeling stuck with my life. Today is my birthday and I'll have dinner with my family, but I'm not feeling very good. Suddenly I feel the weight of hiding for all these years, and for the first time I understand why people care so much about coming out. I know my family won't see me the same way after I come out, but hiding is so tiring. I appreciate advices. Thanks for reading and I hope my words aren't too confusing.
Firstly, happy birthday! I felt exactly the same way prior to coming out. I had denied it and tried to convince myself I didn’t need to come out but it reached a point where I felt I couldn’t move forward with my life until I came out. It is not a nice place to be and can cause a lot of stress. Is there anyone you could come out to other than family? If you are not sure how they will react it is probably a good idea to have someone you trust who would be able to give you a bit of support if necessary. As hard as it can be to hide, try not to put yourself in danger by coming out. Take care and stay safe
Yep! I get the whole hiding and trying to be "normal" thing. I tried it for years, even to the point of being in a straight marriage, it didn't work. When I came out, yes, people did see me differently, but only a teensy bit differently. They began to see the real me. That meant that my relationships with them were more honest and real. The biggest thing is that I saw myself differently. Those that were important to me were loving and supportive, (that included my wife!!!!!). Just remember that coming out is about you and it is something you do only for yourself. BTW happy birthday.
Happy birthday! Hey I know how you feel and am sorry you're so down. I did the same rationalization you've been trying too. Birthdays became such a depressing time since it was a reminder of another year lost, another year older and not feeling worthy of any recognition. I tried to believe life was good enough and many things were very good so I shouldn't expect to have a bf. How greedy could I be to want that with all I had? I hadn't dated my whole life so I should be able to continue that. That's what I tried to tell myself to be content, but it didn't work eventually. The guilt of not being honest with people and having to face them at birthdays and such got worse and I pushed people away to avoid that guilt. Self confidence/esteem dropped and not wanting to meet new people greatly hurt my career. This all lead to depression and anxiety from always editing what I said and worrying what others thought. Loneliness is also a problem. I wanted to let you know you're not alone and to encourage you to come out sooner rather than later so you can avoid the mistakes I made. Good luck and I hope the best for you, take care!
Thank you for your replies, they really helped me feel better! ♥ I’m out to a few friends, but I’m honestly worried about my family’s reaction. I’m thinking about coming out to my mom and my sister first, because they are the closest to me, and I believe they are going to be the most accepting. That's exactly how I feel, thank you and I hope things are better for you now!
