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A wonderful day

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leynz45, Jul 23, 2020.

  1. Leynz45

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    Today was my first metting in a specialist.
    I told him my problem and he gave me at first xanax.I cant believe it.I took on pill and suddenly all the fear gone.Now i can focuse me for another thinks.I can now go out to trigger places without Anxiety.Now im feeling like wtf why i had all the weeks,months the same thought about my sexuality.I cant understand it but iam ready :slight_smile:.I love you all :slight_smile:.I believe that the thought will be come again and i must fight back.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Leynz45, I’m pleased that the first meeting with the specialist went well and hope that it continues to be a positive experience.
     
  3. Chip

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    I'm glad to hear things are feeling better. However... I don't mean to scare you, but please be very, very careful. Xanax is extremely addictive and in California, psychiatrists are all but banned from prescribing it because of its highly addictive nature.

    I would not ordinarily second guess, but I have seen way too many people addicted to Xanax. If it were me, I would seek a second opinion from another specialist about alternative medications. To be honest, you are the first person I have heard of who was presenting with OCD-type symptoms or symptoms on the anxiety spectrum who has been prescribed Xanax, which is why I am thinking it may not have been a wise move by the physician.

    The very fact that Xanax works so effectively is *why* it is so addictive. There are numerous anti-anxiety medications that are not benzodiazepines and do not have the addictive risk Xanax has. (They also don't work nearly as quickly but are much safer and do not operate on the brain in the same way, so the risk of dependency is considerably lower.) And part of the problem is... the very thing that gives rise to the symptoms that Xanax is solving, also put your brain at particular risk for addiction to it.

    If you do continue to use it, be very, very cautious. If you ever feel yourself being tempted to take an additional dose beyond what is prescribed, or to take a dose before you are due for it... immediately contact your physician. Also, if you are taking it regularly (i.e, daily or more than once per day), you *cannot* abruptly stop taking it, as it would be extremely dangerous to do so; sudden withdrawal can cause seizures.

    Again, I'm not trying to be a wet blanket here, I just want you to have something that is effective but is also safe, and does not put you at significant risk of addiction. It is absolutely beyond me why a physician would reach for this as a first choice when there are so many better, safer alternatives.
     
    #3 Chip, Jul 24, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2020
    out2019 and Lyman like this.
  4. Leynz45

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    I know many friends told me that xanax makes someone really addicted and after few times you need more dose to get this effect.My specialist told me at first why iam afraid to be gay.Than he want to know whats different fears that iam have.I told him all my fears.I was really ashamed but at the same time happy.He said to me that my brain is in a mode where every activities what im find gay is a
    exaggeration in my mind.He asked me about my relationship experience.I told him that i had until today no relationships and iam virgin.I told him i watched for more than 7 years porn where i saw lots of dirty thinks but no gay porn.Im told him that my thoughts begins every morning until when i go asleep.He wanted to know what is the really problem.Suddenly he said that i have a obsessive problem with different steps.Also to he said to me homosexuality is ok its a natural feeling.I said to him that i have few times accepted that iam gay but the thoughts didnt gone.He said to me "first at all you must relax and focuse for other thinks" .He gave me an recipe to let my fear go away.He want be know in 2 weeks my feelings result after that he want start with me a practise.I dont know
    when i went out from the surgery i had an smile in my face.It felt very good.iam really excited to my next meeting.
     
  5. Chip

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    Was the specialist a psychiatrist? If so, it does not sound like he has a lot of experience with OCD-like symptoms manifesting as intrusive thoughts about being gay, which is completely different than dfficulties coming out. Sounds like he was trying to validate someone who is uncomfortable about being gay, which isn't your problem, from everything you've said.

    At this point, it sounds like you are aware of the risks of xanax. The thing to know is that the addiction sneaks up on you. The best and safest thing you can do is to use it as sparingly and as rarely as possible, and absolutely do not increase the frequency with which you are taking it. The effect will decrease over time, and that's where the temptation to take more comes in. Don't give in to that. And I would discuss what alternatives there may be to benzodiazepines, because there are a bunch of options for OCD-like symptoms that are a lot safer.
     
  6. Leynz45

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    I believe thats not many people are obsessed from their sexuality.If i tell somebody what iam thinking about my sexuality he would be automatically say that iam in denial.I think that he had no experience about this topic.For me was more important to tell someone my problem after 2 years who can trust.I think that this specialist want know am i in denial in internalized homophobia but i cant have sexual contact whith somebody what dont turned me on.I said to him that i have tried to turn me on to different thinks like gay porn or pictures but after 30 minutes i gave up because i felt nothing with a half aroused penis.I try to focuse to different bodyparts like muscles dick and the biggest dirty thinks.I told him i dont find that disgusting but i dont like it.He was little paralyzed.I will see what is his next step.If iam not satisfied i give here a small Feedback.
     
    #6 Leynz45, Jul 25, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2020
  7. Chip

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    Again, it sounds like the specialist did not understand the nature of your intrusive thoughts and confounded or confused that with denial of being homosexual, which are completely, totally, different things. One is an anxiety spectrum disorder that has a neurochemical origin, the other is a psychological response to not wanting to feel different. From what you have described, your problem is the first, not the second. If he is treating you for the second, it isn't going to help you.
     
  8. Leynz45

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    Hmm, thank you, sir, I start researching specialists in my area on Monday. I found someone, but he is an Alternative practitioner. I don't think that's legitimate. What is your opinion?
     
    #8 Leynz45, Jul 25, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2020
  9. Chip

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    I'm with you. You don't want an alternative practitioner to deal with something as serious as OCD-related symptoms, because most will not have adequate training to properly help you. Are there really no psychologists/psychiatrists in your area other than the person you saw?
     
  10. Leynz45

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    Today i told my father about my problems like social phobia and my fear to beat someone and sexual obsessions.He was really angry and he said that iam really sick.I think he is a person he has no respect for people with mental ilness.He cant understand me.He cant understand why iam afraid to drive a car or go out in a community.He want a perfect guy like my brother.Now he thinks iam gay.Its bullshit man.I told him that i cant go out like fitness center or to a beach because i notice every feeling.Today i have visited my friend.He take out his tshirt .I had a lots of fear that iam attracted to him with this hot feeling i was frozen.My friend live with 2 another guys.One of them is gay.I said him with his boyfriend and had a lots of fear.My friend made jokes about him and he laughed but i was in my mind so afraid.I was really angry to him because i had homophobic comments about person.I found someone he can help me.I told my doctor about my problem and he found someone.I hope he will understand me.I dont know when iam busy with another thinks like playing or repair something iam in a mode where the thoughts lose their position.In the morning its really cruel.I have a lots of headache and my thoughts begins automatically with a boner and the gay thoughts.Compare is really a think that make me a lots of fear.I have also to fear to be attracted to a girl because i compare like a puzzle where something equal to boys.If i feel a equal think than im for 3-4 days really depressed but my routine starts after that in a begin station.I saw a depressed guy he had depressions because he lost his brother.I felt very sad and wanted to hug him but my mind said "attention that is gay".Yesterday i saw a friend and wanted hug him to test me and he kissed me on the jaw(its a oriental think in our culture).I felt nothing and i was happy for few hours but i saw a guy in a youtube video with pretty eyes.I noticed him and was really afraid.I switched to the comments and girls wrote "he is really handsome" and my routine began again.Chip you are an angle iam really thankfull that are you helping me.I dont know i had a fear that this community are against me but i wasnt right.I dont why i was in my childhood against people with different sexualities,cultures or religions.I hate that i was a really dumbass.
     
  11. Chip

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    I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Sadly, a lot of men simply don't undertsand mental health issues.

    I suspect you're going to need medication (likely something other than Xanax) to help balance out your brain chemistry, at least for a while. Once that happens, it's like a completely different perspective on the world. Living with the level of anxiety and intrusive thoughts you have going on has got to be miserable. But you will get through it. You may have to advocate more strongly to get the professional help you need, but I'm confident you'll get there.
     
  12. Leynz45

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    Yesterday i was in a amusement park with my family.It felt very good to focuse for another thinks.I think The Corona pandemic made my thoughts stronger.I must go out.