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A question for gays & lesbians: Is the opposite sex more like “Ew” or like “Meh”?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lyman, May 26, 2020.

  1. Lyman

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    Long story short, I’m trying to figure out my sexual orientation, but have no real-world people that can help me with this at the moment. I’m almost certain that what I feel for other men is genuine, but I don’t know if I do feel “nothing” for women or if I’m a bi that feels two very different kinds of attraction depending on the gender (does that even make sense?).

    If I ask a straight dude to imagine getting to 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th base with another dude, the answer will be “Ew, shut up, that’s gay!”, with a grimace of disgust. What’s that? Is it (internalised) homophobia? Or is it that monosexuality always involves repugnance towards the gender that is not your sexual object?

    I’d love to hear some of your experiences on this, to see if I resonate with them. My onomatopoeia for women is clearly not “Ew”, but rather “Meh” (especially by comparison with men). Hopefully your replies will help me decide if that’s compatible with bisexuality.

    More generally, what I’m trying to ask is... Why are you sure that you’re gay and not bi?
     
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  2. HM03

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    I definitely understand the sex appeal to women. Often I have a good feel for if a woman is attractive or not ( although being rude, occasionally I'm really surprised when guys find someone superrr hot). While I can think "yeah she's attractive", I will always think women look much better with clothes on lmao.

    I think people who have an "ewwww" mentality to naked bodies (in general) to be kind of immature. Occasionally I'll be watching a movie and there will be some sort of "artistic [female] nudity" comes up and I feel "meh" or "ah yes, almost forgot what that looked like" rather than be sexually or aesthetically attracted.

    In terms of bases - I just don't think about what opposite couples do. But if I personally was factored in, I would have an "eww factor". I can't explain why. I have never really thought I was attracted to girls and thankfully never had to fake any sort of interaction that I didn't desire with them. Perhaps I subconscious factor in how uncomfortable I would be and that translates to ew?

    TLDR- I understand the aesthetics to clothed attracted girls. All naked people I am not attracted to (male and female) have a "meh" factor. Thinking of me reaching opposite gender bases = ew
     
    #2 HM03, May 26, 2020
    Last edited: May 26, 2020
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  3. case121

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    I am not particularly attracted to naked women i see on pictures or movies, they leave me kind of 'untouched', but do like to make love with them and feel attraction when they are near to me. Complicated, sure:slight_smile:
     
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  4. Canterpiece

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    Personally, it tends to be a meh. I've never even kissed a girl so I've been asked before how do you even know you're gay? For me, I base it on a few things. All of my crushes have been on women. I've never felt that way about a guy. However, I'm not repulsed by seeing a guy shirtless. I don't find it particularly captivating though either.

    When I was questioning my sexuality, I used to imagine such things as well to see what my reaction would be. Sometimes it'd be based on supermodels, other times just random people I saw on the street or people I knew. At first, it was a eh this is kind of boring and the further it progressed the less comfortable I became and the closer to an ew it was. In comparison, I didn't have that issue when it came to imagining women most of the time.

    At one point, I wondered if I was just into feminine men instead or something. However, when I imagined that I wasn't interested so I guess not.

    I tend to think of labels as a way of recording patterns and communicating what you want others to know. Occasionally I've been asked what would you do if you fell for a guy? In that situation, I'd be surprised. Chances are I'd probably ask myself how far I'd be comfortable with going if we were to have a relationship. I wouldn't be opposed to changing my label to bisexual if such a situation occurred and I really liked this guy. This has led to people asking me "Then why not just identify as bisexual from the get go to cover your bases?"

    However, I disagree with this approach. With my current experiences, I don't feel bisexual and using such a label wouldn't feel right. At this point in my life I'm only interested in dating women. It doesn't make much sense to me to identify as bi just in case, since I could always just change my label if I found that lesbian wasn't cutting it anymore.
     
    #4 Canterpiece, May 27, 2020
    Last edited: May 27, 2020
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  5. LostInDaydreams

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    I would say it’s more “meh”.

    I was in a long term relationship with a man, thought I was straight, but just not as into looks as other people. We had been together for four years and had a daughter, before I realised that I was gay. I would say that elements of sex were “ew”, but on the whole, it was all very “meh”.
     
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  6. gurlinred

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    For me, it is definitely "meh". If I were to images myself kissing and stuff with a guy I would feel "ew" but I can appreciate how others would find men attractive but I wouldn't be getting a boyfriend anytime soon.
     
  7. OGS

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    I would say "meh". I've actually been with women--a long time ago--and it was fine in a "fun with friction" kind of way, but there wasn't that electricity. At the time it felt really good to be normal and I just kind of thought: well, sex isn't how it is in the movies, but what is really? Well, sex is. Once I gave in to the urge to be with guys I knew what everyone was singing about. Haven't looked at a woman like that in over twenty-five years.
     
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  8. case121

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    'Opposite sex or 'sex with the opposite sex?:slight_smile: t

    To have sex with women, can be 'wow' too...but not every sex experience is the same, some are better than others.
     
  9. Leah061

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    To reiterate what others have said, I think "meh" is a pretty good way to describe how I feel about men as a gay woman. I've actually been thinking about this a lot on my own recently because the thing that kept me sooo confused when I was questioning (and still does tbh) is that I do find men attractive. I even enjoy being around men sometimes, and I used to date men. But finding someone attractive, thinking they're "hot", enjoying their company, caring about them, just isn't the same as being attracted to someone.

    Sometimes I'll start to have something that feels a bit like a crush on man, and it freaks me out and makes me question everything again, but I always find that whatever it is that I'm feeling, those feelings end at a certain point. Like, I'll see a good looking guy, and recognize it, but there's no part of me that wants anything to happen beyond that. If I imagine myself talking to him, or him coming up to me, I loose interest. Or I'll think fondly of a guy that I care about, and have genuinely warm feelings for him, but I'm unable to see us in a relationship. I can't see myself wanting to be intimate with him, or introducing him to my friends or family, or anything that I'm supposed to do with a boyfriend. That pull just isn't there, and no matter how great the guy is, there's always something about him that feels at least a little off.
     
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  10. Vesta

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    I wouldn't say men to me are 'ew', I just don't have any physical attraction to them. I look at a man and I feel nothing at all, I look at another woman and the first thing I think is often, 'Wow she looks cute'. Depending on what she looks like, I'll think perhaps a little more of her than just 'cute'. I know I'm sexually attracted to women. I like the whole package.

    I've been with two men and I was never sexually attracted to them in terms of their physical appearance. There were no feelings there. I liked being with them for what they had to offer in terms of personality. Their looks meant nothing to me at all. I had sex with them, and enjoy being intimate with men, it's just not very engaging. It's just sex. Nothing more.

    The whole time I was with them, I would look at other women and feel like something inside of me was missing. Men don't make me feel complete. I'm not attracted to the whole package. Not even close to how I feel about other women.

    I like men in terms of the romantic aspect, but that's it. Those times I feel that way about men are also very few and far between. It could be said that part of me is bi-romantic. I can be with both gender romantically, but with sexual attraction, it's women all the way.

    I prefer to identify as gay because I know I will never want a relationship with another man. I know that I will never feel complete if in the event I do. I don't think it's fair of me to label myself as anything other than gay, as it could lead men to think they have a chance with me and that's not very fair at all. They should have the ability to try and shoot for a relationship with someone they know they can succeed with, and their partner be completely happy with them. They wouldn't be able to get that if they were with me. I'd be sat there some nights feeling like I wish I was elsewhere. That would be terribly cruel.

    So, to answer your question, I know I'm not bisexual because I have no sexual attraction to men. I've labelled myself as gay and that's all there is.
     
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  11. Destin

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    Neither. I just enjoy nudity and sex. My preference is guys of course, but I still like looking at and being with all hot naked people. On the surface that would seem to make me bi but I don't think I am due to the emotional component only being for guys. I guess I just enjoy the natural beauty associated with naked humans like artists who paint nude models.
     
  12. Snowqueen

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    It's a men for me where sex with women are concerned, don't get me wrong, women are amazing, but a man's body just rocks for me.
     
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  13. Phoenix92

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    I’m personally repulsed by the male form, but based on very likely employment in the near future I’ll need to put that aside.
     
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  14. mellissa

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    Same. When I see a handsome man I think "meh". He is good looking but that is just that. However, when I imagine what kissing, holding hands, or sex would be like there is a huge ''ew'' that goes off in my head
     
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  15. musicteach

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    I can appreciate the beauty of the female body, but it doesn’t do anything for me. Very meh. The only time I’ve had sex with a woman (how I ended up with my biological child) I was drunk/high and have very little recollection of it. Wasn’t exactly my choice to do the horizontal mumbo with her.
     
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  16. La Corbeau

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    I would say boys are like a meh. Most of them are overly immature and annoying to begin with, but if you add romantic/sexual attraction into the mix it's a big ew.
     
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  17. Out late

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    For me it’s definately meh, as others have said I can appreciate a beautiful woman, but that’s it. I don’t feel anything resembling sexual attraction towards women, but I am also not disgusted.
     
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  18. Unsure77

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    As a lesbian, I don’t dislike men as far as friendships and things. I’ve always had warm friendships with men. Aesthetically, I can appreciate the (at least partially clothed) male form in the same way I appreciate art. It’s not arousing or exciting for me. But, when I kiss a man, I feel nothing. Being romantically touched was repulsive and penises are repulsive to me.
     
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  19. Lyman

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    Woooow. I didn't expect so much attention. Heartfelt thanks to all of you for your replies! <3

    I'm glad that this thread I created turned out to be something beautiful and constructive, that can be useful for others (not just for me).

    I'm going to read everything carefully and think a little bit more about the topic, to see how all this extrapolates to my case. I may well post something here afterwards. In the meantime, if anyone else wants to contribute to the poll, I'll appreciate having a larger sample size, ha ha. But, seriously, N=16 is great!
     
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  20. Adz6

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    Hi Lyman,
    I’m that old I had to look up what Meh and ew meant!
    I find woman good looking and fun to be around But I don’t find Vaginas attractive at all
    I could never be intimate with woman again, I think I would find being intimate as meh
     
    #20 Adz6, Jun 4, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020
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