Last night was one of hope for me. I've been trying to make LGBTQ friends and expand my community. Trying to make new friends as an adult was something I never really had to do in life before, so it felt a little uncomfortable for me. I had gone to an event previously which left me feeling depressed because although everyone was nice, I had nothing in common with anyone. I took some time but vowed to not give up. Last night I went to another event, and it was so awesome! I met great people, had lots of fun, and a renewed sense of hope. I actually made some great friends and we're planning more outings together. This was a first for me...making new friends intentionally in my adult life, and making many friends in the LGBTQ community in one night. It probably sounds trivial, but it was a big deal for me because I don't have many gay/lesbian friends. Another first for me last night was mustering up the courage to go into a lesbian bar by myself. The event I went to wasn't at a lesbian bar...it was at a pub. One conversation that I had with others there was that I've always been too intimidated to step inside a lesbian bar, especially by myself. Another woman there said she felt the same way. Two men who were sitting with us said they go into gay bars alone all the time and it's not a big deal. They gave me courage. There was a lesbian bar a block away from the pub. After the event, I decided I need to stop being a baby, and just do something I've never done. I think I walked past the entrance to the lesbian bar about twice before going in, lol. I said to myself that I'd just go in, have a beer, and leave. Friends, I can't even believe I was scared...it was so foolish. I went in, and before I could even spot the bartender, I was invited to sit at the bar by some ladies. I drank my beer, had some good conversation, and spent about 2 hours there. Not to mention I spotted some hotties that I hope I see again. It couldn't have been more pleasant, laid back, and non-scary. So, it was a night of firsts and conquering fear. Now if I can muster the courage to introduce myself to a person I like, that will be great. I guess that's my next challenge for myself. I wanted to share my story from last night because I think a lot of us late in lifers like to hear these expriences. I know that last year when I came out to myself, it helped to hear these stories from others (Jackie comes to mind! @jackiescutt17 ?). I hope you all have positive new experiences. ❤️
Congratulations Rana, well done! I have found, after coming out to myself some 5 years ago (already!) that the self I came out to was suddenly transformed into someone I barely recognized! All the old certainties that defined who I was vanished in an instant; all the "I am this" and "I am that" constraints no longer applied to who I have become. The way most people describe this coming out is sudden relief from the heavy burden of carrying our old selves around on our backs, this sudden liberation means in a very real sense a new identity. So here you are, a new you, someone you barely recognize who is able to walk into a bar and greet people, able to make new friends with ease, someone who is free to explore long-suppressed desires...this is the purest form of freedom, the freedom from what you thought you were!
Omg I used to do this sooooo many times lol That sounds amazing! Congrats on everything and thank you so much for sharing your story!
wow you go girl. so fantastic. i hope i get your courage, i want friends and stuff outside support groups, but sooo nervous and introverted.
Congratulations @Rana .. The first steps are always the scariest and you conquered your fears. You're brave and deserve all the best. Baby steps through what you want to achieve and everything will fall right into its place like you've never imagined.
Yay Rana! Thanks for your post, it was truly uplifting. I wish we could see by a show of hands how many of us have walked by the door of a gay/lesbian bar without going in! I remember trying to look confident, as if the whole world was watching me, failing to get my feet to turn in, and walking on like, "Naw! I didn't mean to go in there!", and then trying to figure out what to do next. I haven't found a full-on gay bar in town, but there's a gay-friendly place where I like to go. The thing that made the difference for me, to actually go in, was to realize my intention was just to talk with people.
Thanks for the lovely words. You're right about the sense of freedom. I first felt this a few months after coming out to myself. I remember texting a friend (the first one I came out to), and saying that I had this surprising feeling that I was previously a fragmented puzzle that now all of a sudden fit. This feeling went beyond sex/attraction and permeated so many other aspects of my life. It was like I got a jolt of confidence. Your examples of a burden being lifted and the gaining of a new identity are good ones. Ofcourse it has taken a while for me to actually implement the feeling of confidence into action, lol...but I truly feel exactly what you describe. ♥
Haha. It was so weird, I trolled passed the door twice, and the first thing that came to my mind as I thought about chickening out was reading the stories of others here on EC....all about getting courage to do whatever they need to in life. It made me feel like I'm just being a baby and I need to just do it already! It was totally fun! ♥
I felt the same with respect to certain situations, like going to a lesbian bar by myself. When I actually did step outside my comfort zone, I realized how that feeling is really just that...it's a feeling, devoid of reality. You can do it! ♥
Thanks Bear! This was a big one for me. The next big ones will be approaching someone I like (never done that before), and online dating which I've feared for so long, lol. You have given me hope for the latter, so thank you for that! ♥
Yes, I can totally relate about realizing intention. When I was walking past the place, first I thought of everyone here on EC who had done brave things, then I sort of made a deal with myself that my intention would be just to do it so I can say I got it over with....to just go in, have drink, maybe say hello, and leave promptly. It went so much better than that. But you're right, the realization of a simple intention is helpful.
Thanks friends, for your kind words. I have many more fears to conquer, and I will update you as I do. I know reading about all of your brave acts in life has helped me push myself and be more confident. I hope to give even a fraction of that back. I'm truly grateful for all of you.
A bit late to the party, but another cheer from me! I still have to actually find the courage to just go for it and go to a GLBT meetup/club/bar/pride by myself (I once stood in front of a bar for about an hour without going in. Any longer and they might have asked for a retraining order ), but it's definitely encouraging to read stories of success! I'm actually curious now... Was this second meetup an entirely different group from the first? Did it have a specific "theme"? Or did you just select the next one you could find?
Hi Filip, That's a good question. The 2nd meetup was different. The 1st one was a charity event with entirely different people who were nice but not very happy for some reason; even though the charity event was at a restaurant/bar during "happy hour," there was an overall somber mood in everyone that made me really sad and depressed afterwards. The 2nd event definitely had a different theme in that the main purpose was just to mix, mingle, & have fun; it was a pub happy hour that was located in the gay area of my city (the first event was in a very conservative part of town for some reason). The 2nd event had a more fun, light hearted theme, and it attracted people who wanted to relax and have a good time. I think this made a big difference because people actually came there for the purpose of having fun, so they were in a more festive mood. I selected the 2nd event because I wanted something with an entirely different theme/purpose to see if it would be a better fit for the purpose of making new friends. I was totally happy that it worked out. I'm going to test out different events, and see how it goes. I can certainly relate to your feelings of not wanting to do things on your own. I think it's natural to feel this way. I learned that most of the time the reality is not nearly as bad as we fear.
