For quite some time I've been posting about discovering a missing human component - human love. I've posted in the past about learning how to love myself and another human being. I never learned any of this in my mind teens - due to child / young adult abuse. Most people learn how to love and process their feelings towards another human being in their teens. So lets introduce math, aka, arithmetic. 1+2+3+4+x+6 = 21 What does x equal? So here's the argument. If you do not know that x exist, how can you solve for it? 1+2+3+4+6 = 21 Something is wrong. Exactly. The numbers do not add up. You know there is something wrong, you feel there is something wrong, but you cannot put your finger on it. Not being able to put your finger on it causes CONFUSION. Then shame sets in. Why shame. Because you internalize the confusion and shame - called internalized homophobia in the gay world. But wait there's more! You see others running around with the number 21 (called dating and love and sex) and you say WTF - what the fuck. Now there's confusion, shame and a new strong label - there is something wrong with me. (internalized homophobia grows stronger.) Now you begin to feel sad. Sadness grows with time. With more time sadness grows and grows. All explained with simple arithmetic.
