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A conversation. Help please

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by badger, May 14, 2015.

  1. badger

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    When do things get normal?

    I told my friend 2 days ago that I'm attracted men. I am feeling a little weird about my friend knowing this secret. She is extremely supportive and wants to help with anything if possible. How do I become comfortable with her knowing that I think men are cute and saying it out loud or anything. Will things get easier?
     
    #1 badger, May 14, 2015
    Last edited: May 14, 2015
  2. confuseddreamer

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    Things will become easier, yes.... I promise.
    Your friends will accept this in time as you become more accepting in this yourself.
    It is great that you have a good friend there, and you feel comfortable talking to her about it and she is being supportive towards you. Just try and be comfortable with her, after all, she is being accepting of you.
    Would I be right in saying it feels a bit weird, because you feel embarrassed about it? Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Many, many people, including me, feel like that. You are are just being you, and it is in your nature.
    You will be fine, I promise. (*hug*)
     
  3. Camel

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    Well done for telling your friend. I am glad it went so well.

    It is funny isn't it, when you share a secret? It isn't quite your secret anymore! And it all makes things kind of irrevocable and more 'real'. I mean, someone else knows. But it will become more 'normal' as time passes, and you will get used to it.

    I am so glad for you, that you had the courage to do this.
     
  4. confuseddreamer

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    Hi Camel.... That's true actually, yes. You sort of cross that line between only you knowing yourself, and someone else knowing.
    You are right, it will become more 'normal' as time passes, and Badger will get used to it and more accepting of it.
    It always takes a great deal of courage to talk to somerone openly about it.
     
  5. allnewtome

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    It'll get more comfortable for both of you. Really the only person who is a daily part of my life is a female friend who I'd dated previously when I told her it kind of went through a strange cycle where after initial conversations it was never really brought up by either of us (unless booze was involved) then there were points when it felt like she was using it as a weapon against me once and a while...now tho she sends me pics of guys lol she'll ask if whether I find certain guys she may be interested in are attractive. It's not an everyday part of the conversation but it has added a fun element to our friendship.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Yesterday, I went into a business meeting. Without even thinking about it, I started talking to people at the meeting about my partner. Some of the people there only met me for the first time at the meeting. Only a few hours after the meeting did I realize that I just told everyone there that I was gay.

    No one blinked an eye, not even a pause in the discussion. It was as normal as it ever could have been. My catalyst moment was about three years ago.
     
  7. Kalopsia

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    This is so true. The life that you had compartmentalised, put in a box and decided was unattainable is now suddenly a possibility... I'm still trying to decide whether that is mostly exciting or scary.

    The first conversation was very awkward for me as well. I remember I was shaking all over and almost had the information extracted from me, rather than me coming out and saying I'm gay... It does get less awkward as you tell other people (I'm on 5 at the moment, though in my head I've only done 'the easy ones' so far). It takes just talking about it a bit more to make it less weird :slight_smile:. The only thing that slightly bothers me in supportive friends are the over supportive 'you must do something about right now' ones. I'll do things at my own pace, thanks.

    The scariest thing for me at the moment is telling some male friends. It's not like any of them are homophobic or anything, but I like the relationships I have with them, the banter. I'd hate for things to become awkward and for me to lose that, but I guess I'll have to try it out soon.

    So hang in there, try talking more to your friend until things become more comfortable. And don't forget, you are not alone!
     
  8. Monraffe

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    You feel uncomfortable because you don't own it yet. But you will with time. And then you can start going after some of those cute guys.
     
  9. hanshotfirst

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    I've also only came out to one Lesbian friend at work too. It took a long time for me to work up the guts to just tell her. I was so worried to bring it up to anyone but figured she be the best one who would understand. Still waiting to tell my wife and kids, which I'm really afraid to do. It was such a huge weight to get off my shoulders being able to speak about coming out aloud!!! We've spoken quite a few times about different things/feelings/worries and it's been very helpful. Still wish I actually knew any gay guys to talk to more in depth about what to look forward to or to expect. Good luck!!