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A bit saddened by how obsessed people are with labels and binaries here

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GenderLump, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. GenderLump

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    Of course, plenty of people are just trans, and very much want to be either a man or a woman, but I see pretty much no one acknowledging that there's no reason to consider yourself either of those things, or any gender, really.

    There's especially no reason to force yourself into behaving in a way that conforms to this weird two way scale most cultures have created. You can just do you, y'know?

    Like, me for instance, I've never even really understood gender, I never liked acting the way most boys act or exactly liked my body (yeah, I was AMAB), but I never felt all too comfortable with the idea of being a woman either, with all the fierceness and gossiping and breasts and whatever. I jokingly refer to myself as a "soft boi" sometimes, I imagine some people would call me a demiboy, personally I use nonbinary because I just don't see much reason for gender to even exist as a concept, frankly, and when I'm introspective I come up totally blank. I just want dat mori / moriboy fashion, some calm vibes and a hot chocolate. Also kittens.

    Point is, to anyone who's been questioning their gender and feels frustrated by trying to force themselves into one of two restrictive boxes, just keep in mind that the boxes really don't need to be there.
     
  2. alwaysforever

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    Labels are important to most people. There is nothing wrong with not being into labels for yourself, but I would caution critiquing how others label themselves. Labels are something that can help us find understanding personally, even though they are imperfect, and don't truly describe the full spectrum of humanity. It's very hard when someone else puts a label on you that is incorrect or uncomfortably incomplete. Try to remember, most people aren't trying to judge, they are trying to reach an understanding about the people around them, and language has inherent limitations on how to do that.
     
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  3. Harjus

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    In a way that's an interesting way of seeing things but it's not always that simple. I just am a man for example. It's not about a label or how people see me. That's just what I am and because I was born in the body I was I experience gender dysphoria.

    I see gender as something that is usually very binary. It happens in nature and it happens to us too. Of course us humans have these amazing brains and a freedom of thinking and also existing in a way that purely physical beings can't but we can't fully escape the biological and physical reality. My brain was propably masculinized by something in my mothers womb and after that I simply suffered in an overly feminine body. I got the brain that evolution meant for a masculine body. Men and women were made a bit different by evolution to ensure our survival as a species. It's mental and physical. That's the reality of being binary transgender.

    But nothing is black and white. I am not 100% masculine and being masculine and feminine doesn't mean that someone is a man or a woman. I wish I could simply live without transitioning but my dysphoria didn't let me do that. I am not a social person and the older I get the less I care about what people think about me but even if I lived alone in some remote island I would still be a man. It's like when someone is straight or gay and they just aren't attracted to some people based on their sex and gender no matter how much they think that labels don't matter. Most people are hard wired like that.

    But it doesn't need to matter if it just doesn't. Labels are sometimes just not needed although sometimes they aren't just labels. All words could be called labels but no matter what you call that banana it's still a banana and it would be silly to refuse to call it a banana. Names of different languages could be called labels but I still can't understand Chinese. Chinese would still be a language if it's own even if it wasn't called Chinese. Black holes existed and were black holes doing what black holes do even before we knew about them and named them.

    I see what you mean though. Humans don't need all the labels we have created. It's usually just pointless to try to classify someone as an introvert or an extrovert and some people really don't even fit those labels. For some gender and gender expression or sexuality are propably like that. It's ok to just exist and be you. Without gender dysphoria I propably wouldn't care that much either. I wouldn't propably understand what living in a wrong body would be like.

    The weather in here has been nice by the way and it's been a great summer in here. I hope you are all having great times wherever you are! :bug:
     
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  4. BradThePug

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    I think it really is human nature to create categories, and really categories are similar to labels. We all have a collective understanding of what each catagory means. Now, that collective understanding is what causes us all some problems. Not everybody is going to fit in the categories that have been created, and that is ok. But, that's not the point I'm trying to make. It is ok to not fit in a label, but I think that labels are a good starting point. For example, I came out as being a trans Male originally, but I now identify as masculine of center. Exploring my original chosen identity gave allowed me to understand myself better. I hope that makes sense.
     
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  5. Chip

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    We are hardwired to want to organize information. When we look at animals, we classify them, instantly, as "dog" "cat" "possum" "parakeet" or whatever. It doesn't even occur to us; it just happens, and that's because of our brain wiring. Same thing with pretty much everything we experience in life... objects, people... just about everything.

    So that's why people feel the need to categorize. This isn't a judgment good or bad, just an observation. So, for example, when an individual who isn't terribly aware of gender variance sees someone dressed ambiguously (i.e, gender neutrally) who carries themselves without any particular cues as to whether they are male or female... the observing individual's normal, unconscious desire is to fit that observation into a box. When that isn't possible, the individual will sometimes ask... "Are you a boy or a girl", not even aware there's a variant or other option. We do the same thing, unconsciously, when we observe people in small groups... "Oh, that must be a family. There's the dad and the mom and the kids".... "Oh, those people must be co-workers; they're dressed in work clothes and they're sitting together and it's lunch time". So when those sorts of groups don't match an existing pattern... again, it motivates a desire to classify.

    And most of us feel the need to conveniently fit into the categories that others create. Thus, the desire we have for labels.

    But the truth is... there's no need to conform to society's designation of labels or categories. I'm perfectly allowed to describe myself as 'unicornsexual' if I want. But I must also be prepared, in doing so, that some other people may not understand, as it may not fit their existing categories, and if they aren't totally open and flexible, it may be challenging to their perception of the world to create, in their own taxonomy, a new category.

    So these conflicting needs and values, in turn, create conflicting strategies for dealing with the conflicts... if that makes sense. The more we understand where others are coming from, as well as to understand ourselves, the more we are able to relate to each other with respect.
     
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  6. DirectionNorth

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    Don't you mean subconscious, not unconscious? Unconscious means passed out cold, subconscious means what your brain does and ways of thinking that one isn't fully aware of or controlling, at first.
     
  7. Chip

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    Subconscious and unconscious are used synonymously. Jung used 'unconscious' because he wanted to differentiate and make it clear that what goes on there is completely outside of conscious awareness. I use both, but seem to default to unconscious. I do get the other meaning.
     
  8. YaTee121

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    I am on board with “losing the labels” but I have taken so much flack from people for that. I also think some people rely on labels to find their “tribe” or to put a name to their feelings, which helps them keep sane. If labels are important to you, I say label the crap outta yourself!!! Have fun and get saucy with some labels!!! There are SOME labels I cling to- namely “ADHD” and “mom” because these two things help me remain calm when I can’t find my keys every single morning . It’s that way for people who use labels to explain their sexual orientation and gender identity. Even I find myself clinging to labels sometimes when it comes to sexual orientation, though I think I’m at a point where I would rather drop the label there altogether too. Regardless, whether you choose a label or not, I challenge everyone to ask themselves WHY the labels they choose have meaning to them and what it would be like to live in a world that saw us all on a spectrum rather than in specific boxes. It is as if being unlabeled is a labeled box even. We can’t escape it. It is engrained in our society. Just is what it is. But what if it didn’t have to be?
     
  9. EverDeer

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    Honestly I stopped being active on this site a long time ago due to the heavy binary points of view of many of the members here. Yes humans are naturally inclined to create complex social categories for organization but when the interest in the debate over that is stronger than simply empathizing with and trying to relate to or support non-binary experiences, then its pretty shallow imo. It all stops being about supporting individuals and about pushing a political agenda.
     
  10. TrevinMichael

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    Labels are just labels. Each person is unique. I am me. I am a lot of things. My sexuality is only a small part of who I am.
    I am many things and honestly Labels are important to some people not all. And their importance depends on several things not just one.

    We have many types of labels and they can be similar to stereotypes which is part of how we see what is in each box we label.

    We are people first.
     
  11. NoName87

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    [/QUOTE] Point is, to anyone who's been questioning their gender and feels frustrated by trying to force themselves into one of two restrictive boxes, just keep in mind that the boxes really don't need to be there.[/QUOTE]

    Example. As a AMAB NB. It’s frustrating when I pull my hair back and then hear comments Like “man bun!” No mofo it’s a GD bun! Lol
     
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