1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A beautiful gay guy, who is deeply troubled...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by The Falcon, Apr 12, 2019.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. The Falcon

    The Falcon
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    For some time now I fell for a very good-looking gay guy.

    He sings in a band, his face is like that of a sun god, his facial features are boyish as if drawn by a painter. He speaks several languages, sings well, wears plaid shirts, has a great smile. He is tender, gentle, soft-spoken and caring...

    However, he is (you guessed it) somewhat narcissistic, although covertly so. He is also deeply homophobic and has serious mental issues with his homosexuality.

    He is out to all of his family and all of his friends, and they all accept him. He has internalized homophobia, he is disgusted by gay sex, and has only tried the basic things in bed.

    Girls love him, boys as well. Yet he is single and deeply troubled. He is doing therapy, plus some other things... He has deep identity problems.

    The problem with all of this? I like him still. And I wanna save him and help him out, and hold his hand while he goes through these struggles...

    He told me however that he only goes for straight guys, as they are masculine enough, and not the gay ones as they are too gay for him I guess.

    I just wanna talk and talk to him and explain to him why he feels the way he feels, and fix him. Because he is too good to be true, and it is a pity if he wastes his youth to nothing...

    I know I am crazy myself, so please help me out here... Tell me to go away and stop thinking about him...
     
    #1 The Falcon, Apr 12, 2019
  2. Destin

    Destin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    715
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're falling into the trap that so many straight girls fall into. You're trying to "fix him" to your liking and then even if he does date you you'll be mad at him for not being the way you want him to be and not being able to fix him enough.

    So many girls do this. They date a "bad boy" trying to fix him, then end up giving up and leaving the relationship frustrated when they realize you can't fix someone just because you want to.
     
    #2 Destin, Apr 12, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
    Chiroptera likes this.
  3. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,559
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A therapist I know, when counseling clients in situations like this, says "Do you want a boyfriend, or a project". That's harsh, but it really describes it in a nutshell.

    Going into any relationship expecting the person will change, or expecting you can change or "help" them is textbook codependent and inherently unhealthy. It's also a recipe for disappointment. You'll be much better off if you just let it go.
     
    #3 Chip, Apr 12, 2019
    GayTurtle and Chiroptera like this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)