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61 and working through gender and sexuality issues?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JessNC, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. JessNC

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    I have identified as male (well, I fit the part mostly but have never been aggressively masculine) and been in a hetero marriage most of my adult life. I have had same sex and trans female sexual fantasies occasionally for most of that time while also being attracted to females and having ok sex life in my marriage. For a number of reasons sex in the marriage became rare over the past several years and crossdressing/gender identity and interest in sex with men have become significant matters for me. I am working with a helpful therapist and (in the last few days) started talking to my partner about these issues.

    It seems somehow odd to be wrestling with these things at 61. Any others have relevant experience to share?
     
  2. chicodeoro

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    Yes. As detailed in another thread, I'm 50 and have had a massive revelation about my own gender in the last few months. It's been hard, especially in the first few weeks when I was completely on my own with what felt like a massive secret.

    You're lucky you have therapy lined up - hopefully that will help. Three months on and I'm still waiting for talk to a professional about all of this. I don't feel as if I can make any plans, or even come out more fully, until I can access this.

    Beth
     
  3. JessNC

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    That sounds frustrating, Beth. My own path to meaningful therapy has been a series of stops and starts. And it seems even now I experience just moments of clarity or awareness around my gender and body. And, at times, my feelings overwhelm in either direction--euphoria or sadness.

    This forum feels helpful for me. Hope it can be for you as well. Jess
     
  4. SevnButton

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    Hi @JessNC -
    Oh, yeah! It seems there are a lot of us with similar circumstances. I'm in my early 60s, married, with 4 children. I'm very devoted to my family. Pretty much my whole life I've known that sexually I'm not totally straight. Who knows why, but that other part of myself has seen awakening over the last few years. It's been tremendously helpful for me to be able to open up here on Empty Closets and discover I'm not alone. I hope you too will find this site useful. Keep posting!

    =Sevn
     
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  5. JessNC

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    Thanks, Sevn. I suppose on some level I know that there must be others with similar experiences and situations but actually hearing from others on this site provides some reassurance. Now if that could make life simple.....
     
  6. Bastion

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    Aggressive masculinity is not always a good trait to have. it can can be even toxic for straight and lgbtq people. Just be yourself. and am sure there are people out there who will like you as you are with no judgment or anything.
     
  7. JessNC

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    Thank you, Bastion.
     
  8. Robyn mac

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    I started coming to terms with this at age 58. Started taking treatment have slight facial and shape changes. But most of all developed a nice b sized breasts. I found most older men perfer to be bi rather than gay. They perfer a femine male that crossdresses so they feel they are not gay.
    Coming to be the person I am was rather easy for me.
     
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  9. quebec

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    JessNC.....Believe me 61 is not too late to be yourself. I came out as gay in 2014 at the age of 64 and next month I turn 70. While I wish that I could have worked this all out many years ago, the important thing is that I have accepted myself. You're doing the right thing by talking to a therapist...my therapist helped me a great deal. Take things a step at a time and you will find that accepting who you are will make your life so much better.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  10. Lucky in Life

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    Yes, I'm 71, and it was only three years ago that I accepted I was bisexual. Like quebec, I wish I had been more self-aware and accepting of myself many years before but that doesn't make it any less exciting or meaningful. And the journey continues to evolve. I'm even more attracted to men than I was three years ago (particularly one straight friend I've had a crush on for years) definitely more attracted to men than women - something I wouldn't have thought possible for myself just a few years ago. But there it is.
     
  11. JessNC

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    Thank you, David. You are right on the therapist matter. It has been more liberating than I thought possible to find a therapeutic relationship in which I feel able to express all parts of myself. Still a trek in front of me but knowing that others have tread similar paths later in life is reassuring.
     
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  12. JessNC

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    Any thoughts on what tipped the balance for you regarding physical attraction to men? This has been a bit of a puzzle for me given that much of my development has not brought me to the place where you are--although I'm not sure why.
     
  13. Lucky in Life

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    Yes, it was the intensity of my attraction for the fellow I mentioned in the post, which were/are definitely physical but also tender and romantic. That was the first time I had experienced such a wide range feelings for a man.
     
  14. JessNC

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    Sounds quite powerful. Thanks for sharing.
     
  15. Findmepls

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    I will try not to ramble but I am trying to figure out my gender and sexuality also and I am reeling in on 50. My lifetime of struggles and failures matter none. I am who I am but really who am I? I am ready to accept myself whenever I find myself.
     
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  16. JessNC

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    It is quite a journey, isn't it? Here's to you finding you as you are!
     
  17. Findmepls

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    Thank you
     
  18. Beee

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    Yyp, thats why im here. Just had to take 1 for the team...now im sitting outside alone smoking a cigar deep in thoughts. Found this site becUse i am in need of clarity. Am i gay or not? I think a simple validation would help. I did what i was supposed to do. What was expected of me. Nuclear family. School, married, kids. Btw im female. Specifically born female, married a male, home, kids, career. Whole 9 yards. Am i miserable? No. Do i feel i need to come out of the closet? No. Im not even sure im gay. But my thoughts haunt me. I dream about being with women. I fantasize it. I watch lesbian porn. You can say I'm a boob girl. Always have been since i was a kid. But i never realized it then. I didnt pursue it. In my 30s, after i was done having babies, i started to realize it. But i was busy raising a family, growing a career, making home. Now as an empty nester, I'm left with my thoughts and a horny hubby. I think if the right woman came along i mihhtve taken it. But i was raised strictly. Catholic. And now frustrated. And dont get me wrong; its not just the sex part. Ive had plenty of girl crushes. I feel like i can relate to a female partner more than a male. But i havent proven that yet. Im also tomboyish. I taught my hubby to be a gentleman. Somehow i can relate to being a man. So im not sure what i am and its frustrating. I give it up to you for pursuing it now. Im definitely not brave enough. Mostly because i just dont know for certain.
     
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  19. Beee

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    Hey beth. Same boat. Female, 50 and haunted with my thoughts. See my reply here to jessnc.

    Beee
     
  20. Beee

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    Same here, findmepls, 50 and figuring it out