1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

61 and working through gender and sexuality issues?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JessNC, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have identified as male (well, I fit the part mostly but have never been aggressively masculine) and been in a hetero marriage most of my adult life. I have had same sex and trans female sexual fantasies occasionally for most of that time while also being attracted to females and having ok sex life in my marriage. For a number of reasons sex in the marriage became rare over the past several years and crossdressing/gender identity and interest in sex with men have become significant matters for me. I am working with a helpful therapist and (in the last few days) started talking to my partner about these issues.

    It seems somehow odd to be wrestling with these things at 61. Any others have relevant experience to share?
     
  2. chicodeoro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    849
    Likes Received:
    946
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Yes. As detailed in another thread, I'm 50 and have had a massive revelation about my own gender in the last few months. It's been hard, especially in the first few weeks when I was completely on my own with what felt like a massive secret.

    You're lucky you have therapy lined up - hopefully that will help. Three months on and I'm still waiting for talk to a professional about all of this. I don't feel as if I can make any plans, or even come out more fully, until I can access this.

    Beth
     
  3. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That sounds frustrating, Beth. My own path to meaningful therapy has been a series of stops and starts. And it seems even now I experience just moments of clarity or awareness around my gender and body. And, at times, my feelings overwhelm in either direction--euphoria or sadness.

    This forum feels helpful for me. Hope it can be for you as well. Jess
     
  4. SevnButton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi @JessNC -
    Oh, yeah! It seems there are a lot of us with similar circumstances. I'm in my early 60s, married, with 4 children. I'm very devoted to my family. Pretty much my whole life I've known that sexually I'm not totally straight. Who knows why, but that other part of myself has seen awakening over the last few years. It's been tremendously helpful for me to be able to open up here on Empty Closets and discover I'm not alone. I hope you too will find this site useful. Keep posting!

    =Sevn
     
    Bastion likes this.
  5. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks, Sevn. I suppose on some level I know that there must be others with similar experiences and situations but actually hearing from others on this site provides some reassurance. Now if that could make life simple.....
     
  6. Bastion

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2020
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    221
    Location:
    North America
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Aggressive masculinity is not always a good trait to have. it can can be even toxic for straight and lgbtq people. Just be yourself. and am sure there are people out there who will like you as you are with no judgment or anything.
     
  7. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you, Bastion.
     
  8. Robyn mac

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2018
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    140
    Location:
    Long island ,ny
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I started coming to terms with this at age 58. Started taking treatment have slight facial and shape changes. But most of all developed a nice b sized breasts. I found most older men perfer to be bi rather than gay. They perfer a femine male that crossdresses so they feel they are not gay.
    Coming to be the person I am was rather easy for me.
     
    Beee likes this.
  9. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    2,348
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    JessNC.....Believe me 61 is not too late to be yourself. I came out as gay in 2014 at the age of 64 and next month I turn 70. While I wish that I could have worked this all out many years ago, the important thing is that I have accepted myself. You're doing the right thing by talking to a therapist...my therapist helped me a great deal. Take things a step at a time and you will find that accepting who you are will make your life so much better.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    Lucky in Life likes this.
  10. Lucky in Life

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2017
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes, I'm 71, and it was only three years ago that I accepted I was bisexual. Like quebec, I wish I had been more self-aware and accepting of myself many years before but that doesn't make it any less exciting or meaningful. And the journey continues to evolve. I'm even more attracted to men than I was three years ago (particularly one straight friend I've had a crush on for years) definitely more attracted to men than women - something I wouldn't have thought possible for myself just a few years ago. But there it is.
     
  11. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you, David. You are right on the therapist matter. It has been more liberating than I thought possible to find a therapeutic relationship in which I feel able to express all parts of myself. Still a trek in front of me but knowing that others have tread similar paths later in life is reassuring.
     
    Beee likes this.
  12. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Any thoughts on what tipped the balance for you regarding physical attraction to men? This has been a bit of a puzzle for me given that much of my development has not brought me to the place where you are--although I'm not sure why.
     
  13. Lucky in Life

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2017
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes, it was the intensity of my attraction for the fellow I mentioned in the post, which were/are definitely physical but also tender and romantic. That was the first time I had experienced such a wide range feelings for a man.
     
  14. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Sounds quite powerful. Thanks for sharing.
     
  15. Findmepls

    Findmepls New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I will try not to ramble but I am trying to figure out my gender and sexuality also and I am reeling in on 50. My lifetime of struggles and failures matter none. I am who I am but really who am I? I am ready to accept myself whenever I find myself.
     
    Frankie46 and Beee like this.
  16. JessNC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2020
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It is quite a journey, isn't it? Here's to you finding you as you are!
     
  17. Findmepls

    Findmepls New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you
     
  18. Beee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    california
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yyp, thats why im here. Just had to take 1 for the team...now im sitting outside alone smoking a cigar deep in thoughts. Found this site becUse i am in need of clarity. Am i gay or not? I think a simple validation would help. I did what i was supposed to do. What was expected of me. Nuclear family. School, married, kids. Btw im female. Specifically born female, married a male, home, kids, career. Whole 9 yards. Am i miserable? No. Do i feel i need to come out of the closet? No. Im not even sure im gay. But my thoughts haunt me. I dream about being with women. I fantasize it. I watch lesbian porn. You can say I'm a boob girl. Always have been since i was a kid. But i never realized it then. I didnt pursue it. In my 30s, after i was done having babies, i started to realize it. But i was busy raising a family, growing a career, making home. Now as an empty nester, I'm left with my thoughts and a horny hubby. I think if the right woman came along i mihhtve taken it. But i was raised strictly. Catholic. And now frustrated. And dont get me wrong; its not just the sex part. Ive had plenty of girl crushes. I feel like i can relate to a female partner more than a male. But i havent proven that yet. Im also tomboyish. I taught my hubby to be a gentleman. Somehow i can relate to being a man. So im not sure what i am and its frustrating. I give it up to you for pursuing it now. Im definitely not brave enough. Mostly because i just dont know for certain.
     
    JessNC likes this.
  19. Beee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    california
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey beth. Same boat. Female, 50 and haunted with my thoughts. See my reply here to jessnc.

    Beee
     
  20. Beee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    california
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Same here, findmepls, 50 and figuring it out