1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

41 and alone in my journey

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by FindingMe7, Nov 23, 2020.

  1. FindingMe7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2020
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I’ll try to condense this as much as possible. I feel on some level I have always been attracted to women, but I was raised in a very strict faith based family. All my friends are very strict faith based people. The area I live in is extremely conservative. Even the people I work with are not open to the ideas of same sex attraction. So this leaves me working through my thoughts and feelings alone. I am in therapy and it does help some but it would be nice to actually have a friend in the LGBTQ community or a friend that is at least open minded.

    I never really was interested in dating in high school and after high school I went out with a handful of guys because that was what I thought I was supposed to do. I hate the word virgin but that’s the best way to describe myself. I have never been penetrated by a guy and honestly it scares me. I look back at those moments with guys and cringe.

    I threw myself into college and my career and pushed all my feelings down especially my same sex feelings because I felt they were wrong. I have truly never experienced a real relationship before. Now I’m realizing I can’t do that anymore and want so bad to have a loving and gentle relationship with a woman. It’s all I can think about sometimes. I also feel like there is so much standing in the way as well.
     
    Lavonne likes this.
  2. SGee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2020
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    You are not alone! Lots of people have had or are experiencing the same feelings you have. It's a lot more common that you think - as I have learned. Funny but I just read a survey that reported women are more likely to try same sex relationships than men. Maybe it's because women bond differently than guys initially - more conversation and shared experiences - I don't know.

    Anyways I hope you give it a go - there's no time like the present.
     
  3. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,706
    Likes Received:
    1,154
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Welcome to EC. I am so sorry that you have had to live this way. As an aside I also dislike the whole concept of virginity as it only seems to apply to and be about controlling women and our sexuality. I like you grew up in an extremely conservative family, though not in a very conservative area. I have lived in conservative areas though and have spent much of my life in the closet. Would it be possible in any way for you to move to a more accepting area? Then you could find more accepting friends and possibly even a relationship.
     
    Kmermaid00 and FindingMe7 like this.
  4. FindingMe7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2020
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you so much and I’m trying to realize that, there’s no time like the present. Enjoy each day as it comes.
     
    SGee likes this.
  5. FindingMe7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2020
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I would love to be able to move, but I have some pretty heavy family ties right now. It’s complicated. For the last 10 years I have lived with my Mom and Dad because Dad is disabled and Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully mom is cancer free as of now but treatment has left her wrecked physically. To complicate things even more my grandparents live next door and grandpa died in July and I have moved in with my grandma to help with her. So between work, mom and dad and grandma I have no time for anything. I feel trapped in a lot of ways.
     
  6. lavalamp

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2020
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It's never too late to be who you really are, even if getting there takes a long time. During covid you can reach out and make friends online, dating apps often have a friendship option. At least you could meet / talk to other women and possibly get a sense of what if anything is happening in your town in ordinary times for women who date women.
     
    IneInLP and Kmermaid00 like this.
  7. FindingMe7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2020
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you for your kind words. I had thought about using a dating app to branch out and meet new people. I’m not really one to put myself out there so it will be a stretch for me. I’ve grown accustomed to my comfort zone. Lol!!!
     
  8. Mysteria

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    102
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Have you thought about searching online for some LGBTQ social groups? For example, I found out my area had a large women's social group that did restaurant meetups, book clubs, etc. I found it on Meetup. Of course, I live in a much more inclusive area. But it might be worth looking.
     
    Drizzle likes this.
  9. FindingMe7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2020
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Awesome!! I will check meetup out. Thank you for that.
     
  10. IneInLP

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2021
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Mx
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi, joined a few days ago and read your story. I just wanted to say that I recognize myself in a lot of the things you wrote about dating guys because that was what was expected from you and so on, and wanted to add that you are not alone. I started my journey towards realization and acceptance only very recently and it is scary and exciting, but also relieving in many ways because finally things got a lot clearer. I do not have anyone to talk to, blaming it on covid and living in a place where I am not sure where to reach out to LGBT+ people, but I am sure that things will pan out slowly but surely :slight_smile: you are not alone, we never really are!
     
    Drizzle and FindingMe7 like this.