Hi all. Been loving with this for a long time. Tonight I finally realized I just need to get it out. I need help. This is a long story and in the end I probably sound crazy. But mostly I just need to get this out. So as the subject says I am a 37 year old guy from Ohio. I knew since I was 12 that I was gay. I also went to private catholic all the way through highschool. I got the lessons school about gay being bad. I knew early on I wasn't accepted for who I am and this was a secret I had to live with. My entire life I have never verbally spoke the words I am Gay. Am I ashamed of who I am? No not at all. But is there a part of me who wish I wasn't of course.y family I have never told and what few friends I have had over the years I never told. I don't want to be outcast. I love in a Very conservative small town. Where I just know I want be accepted. Fast forward to present day. I'm now 37. Never having been in a relationship. No experience at all. I am tired of being alone. I want to have someone to love and love me back too. I'm not getting any younger here and I know I have wasted so much time. I don't even know how to approach another person I am interested in. Like how embarrassed I would be if they were not even gay. Last part to better explain what I am.... On twitter for example I can be me. I don't go by my real name and obviously family and friends don't see it. I have met an amazing guy on there. I have been talking to him for going on four months now. Got to know him very well. We have a special connection now. Sad thing we are thousands of miles apart. Today he was away and we didn't get to talk. It was my first time sitting back to think about this online relationship....then I started crying. I really feel like I am super close here. I love him so much. I don't think I should say anything because obviously it's never going to work being this far apart and secondly if I do and they don't feel the same way I lose what has been keeping me happy for the last four months. He's such a great guy and man what I would do for him to actually be here and local. These last four months has brought happiness to me just to have him to talk to. I don't want to lose that feeling. Thanks for reading my story here. And to be honest looking back on it now I don't even know what my question is. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'm tired of feeling useless, un loved and alone.