Hey guys, I've been lurking on this site for nearly 6 months. I've read a lot of posts in this forum and the coming out forum and been debating whether to post for a while. I kind of hit a new low today and realized that, perhaps, it isn't always better to try and figure things out on my own. I feel that if I'm honest enough about what I'm going through, maybe some of you will be able to relate and give me some guidance. I will start by saying that I'm currently feeling pretty lost and very anxious. I am 27, male, a virgin and have never had any intimate experiences. This might be unnecessary to mention, but I have a severe underbite and due to my fragility of my TMJ ligaments am not a good candidate for orthognathic surgery to have it corrected. Basically, I have pretty low self-esteem about my appearance, which probably lends to why I'm still a virgin. About 6 months ago, I started becoming really anxious about my sexuality. I can't remember what the exact trigger was, but I think all the time I spent at home under quarantine with so little to do really exacerbated it. I remember in the beginning, it wasn't too debilitating. I was able to ignore it or at least confirm to myself that I was straight "because I masturbate to girls" or "because penises are disgusting, etc." Over time, though, it became more prevalent in my mind. I started spending more time questioning and once I started doing research online about sexuality, I got hit with a wave of anxiety that set off a cascade of doubts that have led me here. I feel like I've reached a point where I need someone to be brutally honest with me so I can move on with my life. I used to watch porn daily prior to all these questions popping up and, typically, it was straight or solo girls, but, to be honest, I was usually pretty horny when I sat down to watch porn so I would typically just click on the first video that looked good on the homepage and get off pretty quick. I switched to masturbating to my fantasies when I read someone on this site say it was better for affirming your sexuality. When I masturbate to fantasies, I usually think about myself having sex with a girl. When I try to imagine myself having sex with a guy, I can't get an erection. I've tried imagining all types of sexual acts with different kinds of men, but I still can't really get or maintain an erection. I've noticed that when I daydream about girls, I like the girl making me feel like a man. Her needing me to protect her, or provide for her gives me an erection. I also sometime imagine myself as a better looking guy, or a better looking version of myself. I thought maybe that this meant I was attracted to my own manliness which means I'm gay, but I'm not sure if that even makes sense because when I try to daydream about me being the girl in the dream, I don't really get aroused or feel anything. Over time due to my constant questioning, I started testing myself with other stuff. I started looking at nude pics of guys and trying to masturbate to them. Usually when I look at naked pics of girls, I get turned on and erect by the idea of having sex with them or touching them, cuddling them, kissing them, etc. When I look at nude guys though I feel this wave of anxiety and I feel some weird horny sensation in my groin. It isn't an erection and I don't know how common it is, but its almost like the feeling you get right before you orgasm. I've tried to masturbate to it but I noticed my penis becomes even more flaccid. When I try to imagine myself having sex with the guy in the pictures the feeling goes away and I'm not able to get turned on. I know this sounds crazy like I'm overanalyzing everything, but the sensation feels like I'm turned on yet I don't have an erection. I've noticed that when I do this test and I'm not anxious I usually don't feel anything so perhaps its because I'm anxious about being turned on. About a month ago, I started watching gay porn and the same thing happened. Got super anxious while watching it. If I imagine myself as a participant, the feeling goes away; otherwise, I just get more flaccid. As I've tested myself to more types of porn, I've realized that there are certain things that can genuinely turn me on like BJs, but anytime I fantasize about me giving a BJ I get turned off, so I think I may just like the idea of receiving a BJ. When I fantasize about a guy giving me a BJ without porn, though, I can't get erect unless I solely imagine the sensations and try not to imagine too much of the guy giving it. Another issue is when I'm out and see other people. I live in a college town, so there are plenty of attractive people. Prior to 6 months ago, I never really paid attention to anyone unless I saw a girl or guy who was extremely attractive. I would occasionally check out girls (without looking like a creep) and I would definitely notice if a shirtless guy had a six pack, but not in a I wanna bang that dude kinda way. I would notice hot girls and sometimes daydream about them, but since my sexuality has gone to the forefront of my mind-- I feel like I'm noticing every evenly mildly attractive person like its my job. Every time I see a guy who looks like he could be good looking from 25 feet away (not joking), I get that weird anxiety horny feeling in my groin. I have no explanation for it. Today, I took my younger brother to my gym with a guest pass and he pointed out one of the guys who was working out in the corner. I'd seen him plenty of times before and knew he was the dude in the tight shorts who grunts every 5 seconds, but my brother was pointing out the guy's bulge and I immediately got that anxiety sensation in my groin. I kept thinking about it at work and testing myself to fantasies about him and then the other girls I saw at the gym and when I finally got home I immediately tried masturbating to a fantasy of him to test myself but I got no erection. I was still super anxious so I started testing myself to gay porn and I got so anxious and the horny sensation was so strong, I flipped over and started masturbating prone. I was flaccid for most of it until I started to hit the really sensitive underside of my penis and then became half erect for a split second and orgasmed. I've read here that the most people who are in denial feel anxious after they orgasm, but I genuinely felt relieved that I could close out of the porn and be done feeling anxious. About 15 minutes after, the questioning starting happening again and then I started to feel anxious again. Honestly, my main issue isn't really acceptance. I feel at this point I could accept being gay or bisexual. My younger brother has been openly gay since he could speak so I know my parents would probably be shocked that they 2/3 sons turned out not straight, but they and the rest of my family and friends would accept me, so I don't think that's the issue. I also want to say that I hope that what I've written doesn't offend anyone here. I spent the first few weeks of the year constantly asking my brother about his own attractions to see if it compared to mine and I know that I probably crossed some boundaries there. Please know and understand that it is absolutely not my intention to offend anybody. I've been dealing with this questioning phase for the better part of the year, and I feel like I've missed out on so much just because of it. Also, sorry for the wall of text. Reading all this back made me realize I probably need a shrink, but if anyone who discovered they were gay late in the game can relate to anything I've written please let me know.