I'm 27, I recently came out as gay a few months ago, and am still a virgin. I never really dated women when I was in the closet, and even now, I don't know if I feel completely ready to start dating yet; I guess I'm still trying to find out more about myself and who I am before I jump into the dating world. However, my virginity is something I'm super insecure about...I constantly beat myself up about it. I know it's not really a huge issue, but I definitely do feel pressure from societal expectations. I really do hate feeling this way; I feel like something is wrong with me because of this, and that people will be turned off by the fact that I'm still a virgin at this age. (the new season of The Bachelor, and how big a deal they made of the guy's virginity didn't help at all lol). Not sure what I wanted to get out of posting this, but just wanted to get it off of my chest.
ATT.....Hello and just in no one else has said it...a very big welcome to empty closets! I think that sometimes losing your virginity is made more of an issue than it really is. OK...to some people it is really significant as it symbolizes a major landmark in their life. But the odds of losing your virginity to the person who will be your soul-mate for the rest of your life are likely to be low. I guess its importance is really up to you...but making it something that has a significant negative impact on your relationships is not going to be helpful. The person that you lose your virginity to is far more important than the act of losing it. .....David
First of all *hug* Take a deep breath. Relax. You're not alone. I'm a virgin too, who'll turn 29 next month. I never dated women all my life either. I was comfortable with the idea and the notion that I liked men and boys from an early age, so I never wanted to get into the whole heterosexual dating game, even to experiment. As for losing my virginity. Believe me when I say it is overrated. People are allowed to choose how comfortable they want to be. If you're not comfortable that's completely alright. Don't feel like you have to adhere to societal expectations. Yes, I agree it is difficult sometimes and you feel judged when people say it to your face maybe, but if they get turned off without understanding that you have a choice and it's your choice, then maybe they were never the "right" people for you to interact with in the first place. I meet guys personally and on dating apps occasionally. I make it extremely clear that while I don't particularly crave physical intimacy, anal sex and penetration is off the table. That way I don't have to outright say that I'm a virgin. Not that I mind or that it matters. It's my choice to be comfortable to what I want. Just like it is your choice to want what you want. No questions asked. Chin up!
