1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

25 and erection problems..?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Setti, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. Setti

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey everyone,

    I'm 25y/o, bisexual and I am still struggling a bit with my life.
    Recently I have met this amazing guy, who I am deeply in love with.
    I asked him to be my boyfriend and we have been together since. We have recently started to have sexual activity and he likes to be topped but also likes bottoming and I also like to be bottom, but I really wanna be able to ''top'' him as well. I have tried, but I can't seem to keep it erected for long and then me topping him doesn't turn out well... I really wanna top him and make him feel happy. It's just really weird I can't really keep it erected and I have to say he is sexy AF! I get erected fast, so I don't think I have issues, but It goes erected, goes back down, back to an erection, but the erection is not as hard for me to be able to top. and it makes me worried and feels a bit like I'm failing him.

    It's also the first time I have topped or ''tried'' to top someone, but do you guys have any tips to keep it erected longer, or have you guys tried supplements? :/

    I'm sorry, I just feel a bit overwhelmed.
    Thanks for the help!
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
    Community Facilitator Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,605
    Likes Received:
    222
    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't feel worried or overwhelmed! This happens commonly for young guys.

    In young men (your age and my age), this is rarely caused by a medical condition and doesn't usually need supplements. In my experience, anxiety/worrying is what causes this the most. You have a past experience of not being able to stay hard when trying to top, then you worry about it when you're trying to top because you're nervous, which then causes you to not be hard again.

    Try to remain focused on topping, and don't let thoughts or worries about underperformance pervade your mind. It also helps for both partners to be patient with each other. If you want to top, be willing to dedicate some time to the "session" and don't give up the first time you lose your erection. You can always take a couple minutes to stop, make out, and restart the foreplay to get turned back on. Cooperation from your partner is key in this regard.
     
  3. DangerAlex

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2014
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Winchester, VA
    I agree with TJ -- it's probably your nerves that's causing you to lose your erection. Or maybe you're just not a top, which is okay.

    Based on what you said in your original post, I get the impression that you're a bottom who's in a relationship with another bottom. If this is the case, then while it's not the ideal top-and-bottom pairing, it's certainly still doable. You may just need to get creative to find a way to make it work for both of you.

    Example: You could get a dildo or butt plug to use on him so that he gets the feeling he's looking while you're able to work around what could just be performance anxiety when it comes to topping. You could even get one for yourself (since you also expressed interest in bottoming) so that you're each getting what you want without having to top.

    And who knows how things may evolve or change for you over time? You could very well become more interested in topping or inspired to top after seeing how much your boyfriend enjoys being topped. The anticipation of wanting to use your own penis to give him the feeling that he gets from a dildo or some other toy might be enough to mitigate your nervousness. Or maybe you just stick to using the toys, and there's nothing wrong with that. Because sex can be different things for different people and couples. Maybe the sex that works for you and your boyfriend isn't penetrative, penis-in-anus sex, which tends to be the image we get when discussing "gay sex." However, sex can be perfectly satisfying despite neither party topping.

    Hopefully, this helps.