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2020 what a year so far

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Contented, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. Contented

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    It has been months since I last posted. The year started with the loss of my mother rather suddenly. We were estranged due to my coming out but always believed we would eventually find a path forward. Of course life doesn’t work that way unfortunately. The passing of my mother pretty has ended whatever little connection I had with my sister. She never could come to terms with my homosexuality. If that wasn’t enough my relationship with my boyfriend ended as well over the issue of marriage. We had both agreed that we had no interest in marriage as we felt it was an outdated Heterosexual societal construct. Well he changed his mind and was trying to pressure me. I resisted and in March just before Covid we broke up. More to the point he broke up with me and moved out. I tried to mend fences to no avail.
    I want to be angry with him but I can’t. Because of him I was able to free myself the shackles of phony heterosexuality and start to live as a happy openly gay man. I feel I owe him for that liberation a debt I can never repay. Of course I am sad and lonely especially now during the pandemic.
    I am worried as a older gay man where do I begin to look for a new relationship. The bar scene is out not only because of the pandemic but I am not of the “bar scene” age.
    Even after all this I feel lucky as I know so many have suffered physically, mentally, and financially during this pandemic. My heart goes out to all those. My problems seem very small compared to others.
    I still remain happy that I was able to embrace my homosexuality finally and continue to love being a 100% gay man facing new challenges in a very bizarre 2020 world.
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    That’s a lot to process in a short space of time, @Contented. Well done to you for remaining positive.

    Do you think your sister might come around with time?
     
  3. Contented

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    I would like to hope she would but she is a ultra conservative Fundamentalist so I doubt it. Since closing my mother’s legal affairs after the funeral I haven’t heard from her and that was months ago now.
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    2020 has certainly been quite a year! And with everything you have gone through even more so than most. I am curious, do you think your are actually ready to try and find another relationship. Forget the bar scene or any other scene for that matter. Have you had enough time to have a relationship with yourself? Maybe consider starting there before worrying about a relationship with another guy?
     
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  5. Contented

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    OTH, very good point and over the last two and half months alone I have spent considerable time on reflection. Certainly my experiences this year have forced me to grow as a person. Like it or not I had no choice. Honestly I don’t know if I am ready for another relationship at this time. The hurt is still there for sure. For me I could only be intimate in a relationship so hook ups were never an option. Yet I would be reticent to jump into a relationship whiling still worrying about being alone indefinitely. My therapist thinks I am handling the trauma of this year as best as can be expected.I want to continue to grow as an individual and embrace the world around with joy and thanks. Frankly right now it’s hard to do so but I have more good than bad days now. I will continue to work on myself in hopes of being authentic to me first and foremost. There is nothing I can do to change the past my only option is moving forward.
     
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  6. OnTheHighway

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    Seems like you are being thoughtful and taking the proper steps. As you have said, first deal with your underlying fears of being alone, which you seem to be doing with the help of your therapist. Once you are waking up every day alone walking by the proverbial bathroom mirror and smiling at what you see then you will know your ready for the next relationship (I may be simplifying this a bit with what I just described, but I trust you get my point). Also, not sure what relevance "hook ups" have with the journey you are on. Casual sex is not for everyone and should not be viewed as some form of "milestone"; if you are not comfortable then your not comfortable and there is nothing wrong with that. I think casual sex should never replace the intimacy that one gets in a loving relationship. A stress release or a bit of fun for some as long as its done with a healthy mindset, sure; but a replacement for a true emotional connection it is not.

    BTW, everyone has good and bad days, thats human nature. And I love your comment on looking forward! I just said the same exactly thing to another member in a different thread.
     
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  7. Sundara

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    Condolences for you Contented for your mother. We have similar sadness, my mother passed away in April 2020. I cant go back home to my village due to Covid pandemic and I am living in different island in my country. It needs 2 hours flight from my island in Sulawesi to my village in West Java, Indonesia.
    Contented, always try to find your best guy, I support you Contented. One day you will the best guy for you. You are living in the free/liberal country for LGBT, you are not living like me who live in country where LGBT is sensitive issue and forbidden in real life. You have thousand opportunities to find your soulmate.
    Eventhought I live in a religious country and married to a woman. I enjoy myself being a gay. May be my wife knows, I don't care but I m careful with myself to my environment because of my job and collagues.
    I have a guy too who always meet regularly. He mature enough for me and romantic. I am not in BF scene but we keep our relationship in a good track. Honestly, other single guy wants me to be his BF but I refused him because i enjoy I have the first guy.
    Another things that makes me happy is my son. He was born last year. Since I have him, I feel so complete and perfect, I have two daughters and a son.
    I enjoy being gay in a religious country, of course you can do it more in your country, Contented. You can do it!
    Or if I were single in my future (who knows), will you propose me to be your life partner? LOL.. I dream to have someone (a guy) who old together or may be died together, in love.
     
  8. bingostring

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    There remains hope that you will reconcile with your sister. Blood is thicker than water. It may not be soon but plenty of time for your planets to align again.
     
  9. Contented

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    I guess my comment regarding a hook up had more to do with my need for a connection before I am comfortable with sexual intimacy more than anything else. I have absolutely no issue with hook ups if both parties are of the same mind. It’s not my thing but hey we are all different. I love gay intimacy including all aspects of sex except for me it is tied with a real connection to the other guy. Otherwise I like the person I have become, I am comfortable in my own skin however I do fear long term loneliness. I honestly need and love the connection to another man on more than simply a sexual level. Obviously I am still a work in progress.
     
  10. DecentOne

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    Hi Contented, good to see you back on the forum, but I’m so sad about the losses you’ve had to experience this year.
     
  11. Contented

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    Thanks, what it has taught me is that despite our best planning life happens and we can’t control it. Here’s to better days for all of us.
     
  12. Peterpangirl

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    I'm sad too for the losses you are suffering. My heart goes out to you.
     
  13. Contented

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    Thanks but I am surviving and trying not to feel sorry for myself. Life goes on and we all face new challenges.
     
  14. Contented

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    As I continue to self reflect on the events in my life so far in 2020 I still feel a sense of gratitude. It’s been a tough year so far however life is full of highs and lows. I don’t think we expect nor are we guaranteed a smooth uneventful always happy life. We are all presented challenges we must overcome or slip backwards. While I mourn the end of my relationship with my partner I continue to remember all the positives that came from being with him. I don’t regret for a minute embracing my homosexuality through him. It opened the door to finally being authentic to who I felt I was. I face the future fearful yet somehow confident I and everyone else will weather our personal storms and come out the other side better for it. For all of us whatever your situation there is no reason to give up hope of better days.
     
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  15. Peterpangirl

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    I needed to hear these words now. Thank you for sharing your story.