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2/22 is THE Day

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Razorbacks, Feb 14, 2019.

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  1. Razorbacks

    Razorbacks
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    Good morning everyone! So, I told her last night at about 8:45. I kept losing my nerve. We were watching TV, so I made a deal with myself that I had to do it the next time a certain character appeared on the show. Silly, but it worked. This absolutely was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever had to do. It felt like I was jumping out of a plane.

    She took the news unbelievably well and with such grace. I was sobbing before I could even get the words out, and she just kept repeating that it’s ok and she loves me. She had a lot of questions, which I did my best to answer, and she’s going to therapy with me next week. We didn’t make any long term decisions and agreed to work through that. We both agreed that our son is the most important person in this and we will make sure the impact on him is as small as possible.

    I let it all out there, sobbing about being bullied growing up, the nightmare fundamentalist church I grew up in, and how I thought I was doing the right thing all these years.

    She just had such empathy and compsssion through all of this. She is an incredible person. We talked about how she will likely go through the stages of grief and acceptance and how we will work through this together to figure out what the future looks like for all of us.

    Thank you all for your support! I will continue to keep you updated.
     
    #21 Razorbacks, Feb 23, 2019
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  2. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Congrats coming out to your wife is a hard thing It was for me when I did glad she was so accepting !
     
    #22 Jakebusman, Feb 23, 2019
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  3. Nickw

    Nickw
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    I am so happy for you that you were able to find the courage to do this. This was such a difficult, but necessary, thing to do. There will be ups and downs as you move forward but now you can be yourself. Best to you!
     
    #23 Nickw, Feb 23, 2019
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  4. LaneyM

    LaneyM
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    @Razorbacks I'm so happy for you, I was thinking of you yesterday. I'm sure it's a huge weight off your shoulders. Take care of yourself in the coming days and be gentle with each other. You've still got a process ahead but it sounds like she is willing to be on your side at each step and that is great.
     
    #24 LaneyM, Feb 23, 2019
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  5. Dionysios

    Dionysios
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    So awesome! So proud of you! I am truly delighted that it went so well. It took a lot of courage to get this out in the open. Your wife is a compassionate and lovely woman. The times ahead will have their ups and downs, but you have begun the process. Show her gentleness my friend in the days and weeks ahead. It will be difficult for her as you both she and you let the reality of the news sink in. You have a lot to decide about but working with her with tenderness and love will help make the journey easier!
     
    #25 Dionysios, Feb 23, 2019
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  6. Razorbacks

    Razorbacks
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    Thank you all! I love this supportive community. I’m feeling a mix of emotions today. Exhilaration, relief, guilt, and sadness. I expected that. My wife is quiet and sad today, so I’m giving her some space. I’m just keeping myself busy by cleaning the house.
     
    #26 Razorbacks, Feb 23, 2019
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  7. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    So you did (do) love her for the right reasons. Congrats, and sympathy to both of you.
     
    #27 beenthrdonetht, Feb 23, 2019
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  8. I'mStillStanding

    I'mStillStanding
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    @Razorbacks this took a lot of courage and guts to do. You definitely did the right thing being open and honest with her! Sending nothing but positive vibes and support to you and your family!
     
    #28 I'mStillStanding, Feb 23, 2019
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  9. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    What you gonna do now ?
     
    #29 Jakebusman, Feb 23, 2019
  10. Razorbacks

    Razorbacks
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    Take things one day at a time. Ultimately we will start the process of separation but for now, we’re just allowing room for processing emotion.
     
    #30 Razorbacks, Feb 23, 2019
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  11. 1cgd

    1cgd
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    Congrats to you — raising a toast to your authenticity and sending love and light to you & your wife. Your story & mine are similar — she loves you enough to empathize but is human so she wonders what’s next. So do you. Periods of relief, silence and sadness are inevitable. It took us about a month to separate and while we’ve a long way to go, our healing has sped up now that we’re apart. Stay strong my fellow gay friend. Life will be good.
     
    #31 1cgd, Feb 23, 2019
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  12. Contented

    Contented
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    Congrats on a major step towards living the gay life you want and deserve. Your courage will allow both you and wife to deal with the issues that will now arise. Being honest will eventually allow your wife to find a man that can love her completely as you cannot and allow you to find a man that will permit to begin a true exploration of your homosexuality openly and honestly. Certainly there will be difficult days ahead and trying to make sure it has minimal impact on your child is paramount for both of you. That is the loving thing to do.
    I urge you as you begin your gay journey to the authentic you to keep
    Moving forward no matter how painful. Don’t compromise your truth to save either of you from the inevitable pain and issues you will face. Separation is not easy but in many cases it is the only way for both people to move on. It will also allow you to able to explore a gay lifestyle without fear, guilt or shame.
    You will find that in the end this is best decision you ever made and your reward will be to live the gay lifestyle you desire. Welcome and best of luck as you maneuver this chapter of your life.
     
    #32 Contented, Feb 24, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2019
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