I've known that I am bisexual since I was about 14. I'm 18 now and while I do not feel any shame or confusion about my sexuality, I do feel a great amount of fear. My folks aren't very progressive, to put it lightly. My family is almost entirely Christian, and while they don't aggressively hate LGBT people, I would say that they really really don't like them. I've been home-schooled since I was 8, socially isolated and fairly sheltered by my anxious overprotective conspiracy theory enthusiast mother. My father has always been fairly emotionally distant, he's a bit of an egomaniac and is extremely insensitive. He handles emotional issues and communicates very poorly. They're both fairly oldschool in their world-views and attitudes, with a "tough it up and get over it" attitude and are both somewhat sexist with their concept of gender stereotypes and roles. I have a lot of issues. My closeted sexuality is one of my chief issues that also interlinks to and feeds many of my other problems. My sense is self is very divided and empty feeling, I really feel at times that I don't know who I am truly. I seem to most likely be fairly depressed and have anxiety issues. Also I seem to be developing symptoms of bipolar disorder similar to my mother. Being closeted has made me an extremely good liar. I spend almost all my waking time in close proximity to my parents, so I have developed an entire persona and fake self to please them. But it is so far disconnected and removed from my true self that it is beginning to feel extremely painful and distressing to maintain it. My parents are all I've ever had in my life and I love them deeply (In some ways I feel guilty for thinking about coming out because of how much pain it would cause them) but I also am beginning to harbor a lot of hatred and anger towards them for how much I have to lie and pretend, and my own deep insecurities and emotional issues which I have come to blame them for. Which brings me to now I suppose. The crux of it. I'm still dependent on them at the moment, but I am 18 now. It's time to start living and carving my own path out in life. Get a car, get a job, pursue my own hobbies and move on. I'm extremely tired of pretending to be someone I'm not, and it depresses me greatly to do so anymore. I feel to be able to pursue and achieve my goals and live the life I want to live, I have to be true to myself first. Otherwise I will never have the strength of will or character to face up to the challenges I face. I really cannot tell how my parents would react to be honest. They've spoken disdainfully of LGBT people in the past, but usually in a joking or mocking fashion and not so much in a vitriolic or intensely hateful way. They could brush it off in stride and not really care, or they could be greatly upset and disappointed. They are very difficult people to read, but I don't feel they would throw me out or hurt me. The most likely scenario I can think of would probably lead to them going through the five stages of grief in a way. Denial: (claiming I'm just confused or lying to hurt them) Anger: (Being disgusted and raging at me for their religious beliefs) Bargaining: (Trying to convince me to change or hide it) Depression: (shame and disappointment in me, and themselves for "raising me this way") and Acceptance. I don't know if they would ever come to acceptance, or if they would just repeat the first 4 stages in cycles. As you can probably tell, I've given this a lot of thought. I spend most my time in my room and I have had a lot of time for introspection. My bisexuality is pretty intrinsically related to my true self and how I would express myself if I could. If I was out I would be a much more open and emotionally in-tune person I think. I could dress the way I want and express myself much more genuinely and emphatically. I've always identified wholly and completely as male, but I have felt a desire to explore more feminine aspects of myself and my personality. I've wanted to experiment with dressing more androgynously for a long time, and I feel somewhat oppressed in my emotional expression. My family has always been somewhat macho in their ideas of what a man "should be" and how a man should act. Sensitivity and empathy are typically seen as weakness. But I have found in my own soul searching and introspection that I am a very emotionally charged person and I would like to explore and express that more. I'm considering making a plan and coming out sometime after Christmas, new years or thereabouts. What are your thoughts?
if you think your parents reaction would be accepting then I would consider doing it. My first priorities would be to try and get that job and the car you talked about. are you going to college? I may wait on telling them too. if you're not sure what there reaction is going to be. focus on being able to support yourself first maybe. Come out when your ready. there is no rush. Have a plan on what your personal goals are and how you will support yourself. That way you will have a plan if they don't accept your coming out.
If there is even the slightest chance that your parents will react in a destructive way (kicking you out, sending you to conversion therapy or hurting you in any other way), I would strongly recommend waiting until you’re out of their home and have some financial resources on your own. I know what it’s like to lead a double life in order to conform to your family’s demands, and it absolutely sucks, but if coming out could put you at risk in any way, I would wait. (Writing this as someone who grew up in a very similar family).
