18 & 32

I think you should be really conscious of the age difference. The problem isn't so much the 14 years as it is that coupled with the fact that he's so young. If you were looking at someone 14 years older than you there would still be a host of concerns about the power dynamics and entering various stages of life on different schedules, but perhaps they could be worked through. Presumably you have a career, a home, a stable sense of self. An 18 year old generally speaking has none of that--and frankly I would think it a little sad if they didn't change in drastic ways over the next 5 years. If either of you is planning on this being more than a fling I think the results would be disastrous. You're setting yourself up to be the father figure that he sleeps with.

My husband is actually five years older than I am. We met when I was 26 and frankly my life was more stable than his was at the time. Had we met five years earlier I think it wouldn't have worked. We had a conversation the other day about retirement and we're talking about whether he should work an extra three years for me to retire two years early so we can retire together (early retirement costs more than late retirement gains you so it's going to tilt rather than be 50/50). Would you be willing to retire nine years late so that you could retire together? I know that's putting the cart way before the horse but it's the sort of thing that has to eventually be addressed in an age gap relationship. The other (and more serious) thing is the power dynamic. You're an adult and he's not and that's going to play out in the relationship. I've seen a few of these relationships and there's always a decidedly junior partner--it's not always the young one, I've seen a lot of older guys so besotted that they're pretty much lead around by the younger. At any rate you're not gong to be on equal footing so the power dynamic will find another level.

I know there will be people who come forward and say age is just a number and maybe once you reach a certain level of maturity that may be true but that level is way higher than 18. I think it's a bad idea.

 

Just my opinion, nothing more, but if you're feeling uneasy, there's probably a reason. The age difference would mean nothing if you were 30 and 44 or 50 and 64, but an 18 year old is still figuring the world out and finding his identity.

Studies have said that you are not an "adult" until you're 25. I've always said you're not an adult until you're 30. It's life experience that makes you an adult, matures you, forms you.

When I was 32 and freshly divorced, I dated a few young 20 somethings. I always felt like the adult, the one in the power position. Relationships are supposed to be equal, so it was not my cup of tea. I may be young at heart, but I still wanted somebody on my emotional, intellectual and experience level; someone I could relate to.

It was fun and always shortlived. You said you value the friendship. I did not remain friends with any of the young ones I dated.

Now, as a parent, I would steer my son away, if I could, from dating someone that much older at his young age. Mostly for the reasons I've already outlined.

 

I think this.

I see nothing wrong if you want to simply hang out with him, mess around, and have a friendship with him but going into a relationship is just a disaster waiting to happen.

Has it worked for other people before? I have seen it work well once, but I know way more people who have gotten seriously hurt over this type of arrangement. The power dynamic is just too much to be able to handle and have a healthy long-term relationship.

When I was 19 I started messing around with older guys, but we always kept it as friends. I got some really amazing mentors that way and some who I still talk to, but yeah the power dynamic is just too great to balance.

 

I think the problem isn't the age gap but the stage of life gap. Most 18 year olds are newly graduated highschool and getting their first taste of real freedom. They haven't had the chance to find where they wanna go in life, establish themselves, etc. like a 30 year old has. THAT is what i have an issue with. Thats why i cringed when i read that a guy in his mid-20's was interested in an 18 year old a while back. Like no, that's a totally different mindset and their brain literally hasn't finished growing and developing yet - that's in the early/mid 20's. Friends, mentors, uncle-nephew sort of relationships are all fine. But having a relationship with a stage of life gap like that....idk. it just doesn't sit right with me.

 

I agree with the above. Might make for a good fk buddy but other than that - forget it.

When I was in my mid 20's I dated a wealthy man in his 60's. He was good in bed - a good top. He had a Huge Mansion on the lake and wanted me to be his "kept boy" that he could show off. I could've moved into his guest house which came with the use of a BMW convertible, a spending account, no rent other than - the usual sexual favors.

Some younger gay men look for these Sugar Daddy living arrangements.

My problem was I had friends living in the area and I would be embarrassed by that situation. Plus I was / am career oriented. I couldn't see becoming a "kept boy." What would I tell Mom, I'm doing for a living?

 

It’s difficult to say, some 18 years olds have seen a lot and are already jaded and beaten down by life, but generally the above posters are correct. Most people at 18 aren’t completely equipped to deal with the world. I went away to get college at 18 and became very homesick. I was not ready for a real relationship with an older person. I barely knew what I was doing