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12 years of depression has destroyed me

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Markness, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. Markness

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    I have suffered from clinical depression for 12 years now and it has destroyed me. I don't have any motivation in life, no special talents, and my future looks bleak. I don't have many friends because I have Aspergers and struggle with socializing in general. I also don't have a girlfriend and I fear that my age (Almost 30), introversion, and lack of an alpha male physique make ever having one impossible. I can only achieve any sexual stimulus through masturbation and I have so many fantasies that will probably never be fulfilled. I wish I was never born if I knew my life would turn out the way it has. :frowning2:
     
  2. quebec

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    Markness.....I also suffered from depression for a long time. I know how terrible it can be when the self-hate overwhelms you. I am hoping that you are talking to a therapist, if not, please do it. A combination of a great therapist and the right medication has made a world of difference for me...it can for you to. You do.not.have. to live like this.
    ....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. Markness

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    Thank you for replying. I technically do have a therapist but I've only had one appointment with him and I can't see him again until near the end of the month. I used to have a therapist for nearly 8 years but I lost her near the beginning of the year because the state refused to reimburse her for partly that reason.

    What depresses me the most is that I have no love life and I fear I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life. I live in a rough culture that pressures men to suppress their emotions and become robotic iron pumping jerks or else you are "gay" or a "serial killer in waiting" despite how football jocks are more prone to violence than introverts are. I am not against standing up for yourself and staying in shape but I dislike bullying. Women in my area also seem to only like aggressive men and they never make the first move so unless I initiate courtship, which induces anxiety and fear in me, I am locked out of anything remotely romantic or sexual. I've actually masturbated until my skin bleeds quite a few times because I am deprived of intimacy.
     
    #3 Markness, Jul 9, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  4. Markness

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    I feel like I am going from bad to worse. I can't even find enjoyment in my interests. :frowning2: I am pretty much just sitting on the couch.
     
  5. Mikey D

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    This sounds so much like me, that I'm am simply going to change a few things in your original post to describe me:

    I have suffered from clinical depression for 10 years now and it has destroyed me. I don't have any motivation in life, no special talents, and my future looks bleak. I don't have many friends because I have Aspergers and struggle with socializing in general. I also don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend and I fear that my age (37), introversion, and lack of an alpha male physique make ever having one impossible. I can only achieve any sexual stimulus through masturbation and I have so many fantasies that will probably never be fulfilled.

    I do suspect that your case might be slightly worse than mine, but I still suffer quite a bit. I've never been a big fan of doctors in general, with the exception of doctor visits related to a traffic accident I had last year, I have only seen a doctor one time in the past 12 years, but I have made the decision that I am going to see my doctor sometime in the next few weeks to talk to him about prescribing an anti-depressant.
     
  6. Markness

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    I am short on time but I want to say that our struggles should be taken seriously.
     
  7. Markness

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    I am going from bad to worse. I took a walk to see if it would clear my head but I felt even more depressed. :frowning2: I just hate how I am turning 30 and I still don't have a girlfriend nor will I get to celebrate my birthday with a special partner. I hate how an abusive jerk can have a girlfriend while I am told that I need to work on myself as if something is wrong with me and I am unfit for a relationship. :disappointed: