Hi y'all. I've always been sexually attracted to men much older (30+ yrs) than myself (26yrs) that fit a certain criteria. Though, I've only been "romantic" on occasion during some hook ups (out of the 25+ I've had, I'd say 5-7 were like that. Been with 12-14 women) and there is making-out/heavy petting (all of which I enjoyed *thoroughly*). I've also been sexually/romantically attracted to women over the years too, but I've been able to appreciate a diverse pool of them as any heterosexual man would. I think anyone reading this would think I'm Bisexual. With that said, I don't go out of my way to meet women anymore. Haven't for a couple years. I find them good looking and get that feeling in my chest still (you know, the one you get when you like what you see) because I was straight for a large portion of my life (Until I discovered naked older men exist), but ultimately I don't follow through/self-sabotage the chances I get because I know they ultimately lack the male parts I absolutely prefer. I do, however, go out of my way to hookup with what I described above on certain apps/sites here and there and of course the only thing I see is their male parts/bodies (no face, mostly) before meeting them. Most of the time, I find they're attractive in those moments before/when I arrive and when I leave. Outside those moments? Basically nothing is felt toward any man. Do I watch Gay porn? Yes, but I wouldn't consider that a valid metric since even without porn I find myself always coming back to men in my fantasies eventually. I've accepted that even without porn I may not have Gay thoughts (that is, have heterosexual thoughts, strictly. As well as believe I am straight/maybe bi) at first, but I always find the Gay one's far better and more enjoyable to entertain when they do return. I don't like being on the fence with this whole thing. I know there's platitudes about sexuality being a spectrum (not tryna sound any type of way by saying it like that), but I'd like to know if anyone else has ever been in a somewhat similar position as this. Where in private you are unquestionably Gay internally and want to find the men you like to be attractive in public to actually start dating, but for some reason you just feel nothing in public and it's like you're "straight" again. Hope this makes sense.
Hi there, your story does resonate with me on the certain level. I’m 52 years old and I only recently came out as being bi. Where it resonates with me is the fact that over all those years I’ve always known that I’ve been attracted to guys, but I’ve never been in love with a guy. Nor have I ever really sought after that, not even now. I have however been in love with a few women. I picture it in my mind as this spectrum where on one side you are completely gay and on the other side, you are completely straight. And some of us are really at those extremes, but I think many of us are probably more centered and the more you get to the center the more confusing things can get at times.
What you are describing doesn't remotely sound like someone who is straight, nor, particularly, someone who is bi. It sounds like someone who knows he is gay, abd fantasizes, acts on it, talks about it... but only in certain circumstances. So when that is the case, what we are usually dealing with is not bisexuality or confusion, but homophobia directed at yourself. In other words, you are afraid of how others will react (perhaps even others that you don't know) and, perhaps at an unconscious level, fear judgment. Usually, if someone has considered and openly spoken about it as much as you have, it doesn't take that much to let go of the homophobia, once you have the chance to reflect on it. I'd advise you to think about it in those terms and see what comes up for you.
I tried to consider that for myself and it just doesnt' feel right. I get this feeling but I don't get sexually aroused. Yes, this sound familiar, but it just seems to come in waves and most of the time I feel straight and the idea of gay seems unappealing.
Can you explain this concept more or some resource about it. This idea I felt a strange 'click' in my head like it might be true, but I am not sure. What if someone hasn't considered it and openly spoken about it, can it be more repressed?
Chopped your post down into what I see as being the key points. Ultimately, you sound bisexual to me. Maybe sexually you have a preference for men, but romantically you have a preference for women? Does that sound like a fair description?
You seem bisexual to me. You can look for the type of man you like on social media these days..Your interest in women seems to be a visual attraction which fades quickly.
i think Chip might have a good point. i think the more intrusive parts of homophobia fly under the radar. i wonder at the fact that your only "romantic" time with men have all been during hook-ups? i think "romance" takes time to develop, whereas sexual attraction can happen as a one and done event- "hook-up." i've experienced the edges of romance in hook up situations, but where things get deeper is with repeated encounters with the same guy. When that happens, i find the romantic side of my heart coming out and wanting. i've found romance much harder to find as a gay guy, and i think it may have something to do with sex being so easy to get in the gay world, whereas the straight world almost demands romance as a prerequisite for sex.
