Hello everyone this is my first post. I am a male and have always thought im straight. But I started having same sex fantasies. And it is now basically all I think about. When I sleep with a girl I struggle, a lot of the time I imagine it is a guy to be able to preform. Is this an indication that I am gay? I would really appreciate some advice on this. Thanks to you all.
Not a question someone else can answer. In the end only you know for sure. No outside person, no on line test can determine if your gay, bi, or anything else only you. Based on your post there seems to be at least an indication that you might want to explore your sexuality a little more closely. Performance in the bedroom is simply only one possible indicator.
Maybe go test a little ? In my case I always was attracted to other guys, but went through live as a straigth guy. I started with going for massages with male masseurs. Felt really comfortable with those so took it up a knotch to massages with male masseur and a happy end. Still good with that too. Now I’m going for tantra gay massages which are more intimate with cuddles and full body contact, without being intimate. And that seems to be the sweet spot for me right now. Not looking for anything more right now, also don’t want to cheat on my wife, who’s supportive of the tantra massages, by the way. Maybe something you can explore too ?
i noticed the included survey, but didn't vote. If only life were that easy. Ditto @Contented: "not a question someone else can answer." Many believe that human sexuality is on a spectrum... and can be fluid as well. There are questionaries that can help give a better estimation of where you might land on that spectrum, but then what? i think you already have some information you need, i.e., you have fantasies of having sex with another guy and you need that in order to "...sleep with a girl", the question (to me) is: "What are you going to do with that information?" Too me, the question is backwards. Let's say you've never had chocolate and you go to an internet site where there are chocolatiers and post a survey: "Do i like chocolate" and the choices are "yes" or "no." Some bright chef is likely going to suggest you try chocolate and find out for your self. Of course, unwrapping a relationship with another human is a wee bit more involved than unwrapping a chocolate, and i'm not suggesting that sex is the only way to determine more about your attraction to guys. To me, there's a whole lot more to my being gay than sex, but that's me, not you. i had my first orgasm with a guy from a dream i had about Him, and the dream was 'only' a kiss.
Thanks for your reply. And yes I understand that no one can actually tell me if im gay or not expect for me. I just kond of want to know if these thoughts I have can serve as a good indicator. But anyway thank you very much for giving your view.
One of the keys is that you are fantasizing about men when you are with a woman. That is a pretty common experience with people who eventually figure out they are gay. One of our advisors, some years back, used to recommend an exercise to help people figure things out. And it's still a great one. Basically, you pick a day, and that day, you decide that you are going to treat the day as though you are gay, you know it and have known it for a while, and give yourself permission to walk in the world as a gay man. Look at guys, fantasize about being with guys, masturbate thinking about guys, maybe watch a gay movie, whatever comes into your mind. Usually, by the end of the day, you will have some sense... either "This feels completely natural and right" or "This doesn't feel right at all." Sometimes "this feels right" is combined with "Oh, shit what does this mean" and a whole bunch of anxiety... which doesn't mean you aren't gay, but more likely, that you are recognizing what you feel, and it scares you because now it's real. If you decide to try that, let us know what happens.
