For context, my doctor has put me on 2 separate antidepressants in the past 3-4 months. First was fluoxetine, which went horribly so I had to stop, then Mirtazapine, which like a month in, is also going badly for me. I was prescribed them to fix my low mood. It didn’t help me at all, in fact the side effects made it worse. I have had nothing but negative experiences with antidepressants. The main negative side effect I hate is the emotional numbing. I loose my emotions. While I can’t have be THAT depressed while on them, I also find it even harder to be happy. I don’t want to live a life of no happiness, which is why I want to stop taking them altogether. Then the other side effect of Mirtazapine specifically is weight gain and increased appetite, which has caused me so much mental anxiety. The only positive is that I notice certain reoccurring distressing thoughts go away slightly when I’m on them. Interestingly, when double blind clinical trials on antidepressants take place, 80-90% placebo improve a similar amount to people taking antidepressants. (Source:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6584108/) Which shows that most of antidepressant action is actually placebo. My issue is that I don’t believe in them whatsoever, so maybe that’s why they’re ineffective with me? Anyway I’m stopping taking Mirtazapine now, and any other antidepressant for that matter. I don’t think the positives at all outweigh the negatives. I’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts/ experiences about antidepressants
Woah you better ask a doctor first, you're not supposed to quit cold turkey- that can cause issues. If you're feeling numb tell them that, they may change the dose
Obviously I'm not a doctor, but no-one has mental illness because of a lack of pharmaceuticals. There is a way for you to not be depressed without taking any drugs, you just have to find what works for you. Ideally with the help/guidance of a doctor or professional of some sort. I always feel good after a run or workout, even the ones I do where I really feel like I can't be bothered. Getting outside in nature is good, and the days are getting longer & sunnier too which should be a big help. Sun on your skin is great, make the most of it.
Hi Jasmine, I know Mirtazapine. My doctor prescribed them for me, briefly, in 2020. They made my head buzz. So I got back onto Citalopram. Have been on them for almost four years now, since my partner's death. I'd say overall they've been a good thing. They took the edge off things at a time when I absolutely needed it. I'd just had a breakdown and was on the brink of having to go into hospital. So they - together with the presence of friends - stopped that from happening. The downside is the slight numbing of emotion. I went from a state of crying every day to not being able to cry at all (although that's changed recently thanks to wonderful oestrogen!). Eventually when I'm fully out, I intend to gradually come off them. Hopefully later on this year. So it may be that you haven't been put on the right one for you. It depends what you want fixing, essentially. And there's a whole heap of difference between having a 'low mood' and being clinically depressed. I'd say go back to your doctor and have a proper chat with him. Hope this helps, Beth x
Danielle1.....I can only speak for myself in this matter, and I have never discussed the particular meds I take here on EC before but I guess I will now. I happen to take fluoxetine as well as other medications. I have had to handle a great deal of pain for quite a few years as the result of seven spinal/back surgeries as well as the period before the surgeries which was worse. With the exception of the top two vertebras, my entire back is fused. Many screws and four long rods, unfortunately three of the rods have snapped. Trying to survive that pain, most of which was while I was still working full time (except for time out for the surgeries and recovery) can lead to pretty severe depression. It's the constant, never-ending, always there, pain that just never stops that can push a person right to the edge. I have been at that edge and the anti-depression medications have made a huge difference for me. Perhaps I am the lucky one in that I have never had any side-effects. All I know for sure is that without the AD meds I think I would have been in a very bad place. I have to admit that for me the back pain & surgery pain were also tied up with my final acceptance of my sexuality. I was fighting a "war" on two fronts if you will and losing both of them badly. The AD meds helped in one way and finding Empty Closets and an incredible therapist helped in the other. The pain that I was trying to endure from my back and the pain that I was trying to endure from my rejection of my sexuality all seemed to come together at the same time and it was more than I could stand...I think more that anyone could bear. The night of December 25, 2014 I determined to take my own life to stop the pain forever. I had found EC only a few days prior and that night I had a full bottle of pain pills in front of me and EC on my computer in front of me. I decided to make one last post begging for help. I made a post on EC begging for help and gave it only five minutes for a response. I got that response from many people (thank you forever Great Whale). Those replies made me believe that there was hope and that there where people who would help me. From there on the wonderful people on Empty Closets, my Wonderful therapist and the medications that helped me with the pain, helped me through the tough times until today. Today I am a different person! I am almost completely pain free...with the help of medications that control the pain and other things and a wonderful wife who accepted me when I came out to her (with the help of that incredible therapist). That therapist still supports and guides me...his help and guidance is worth gold to me! Empty Closets is my "Home" every day. It is a place that where I can be the real me. I can share with others and I can do my best to also help others. It's a wonderful place!! Fluoxetine was a very important part of all of this. It helped me a great deal and I hope it can help you and others also. .....David
I know about withdrawal stuff, don’t worry. When I asked my gp eventually she said I wasn’t doing anything wrong, she didn’t even give me any guidance!!! Yeah but I’m not a fan of the side effects, and those still appear (maybe to a lesser extent) on any doses. I’ve started feeling happier and sometimes a littler sadder. I’m definitely getting my emotions back which is so much better than being an unemotional zombie. I’ve restarted running recently! So I guess more exercise like you said I hate not being able to cry, for whatever reason I always feel better after crying. But I also wouldn’t be able to get as happy which made me not see the point in living. There’s different antidepressants however I don’t think I can honestly take another after the 2 experiences. I don’t think any antidepressant doesn’t have emotional numbing, which is the main reason I hate them so much. So I’m staying away from them I think forever, I see nothing but emotional pain I’m a bit confused because SSRI’s (fluoxetine) aren’t really supposed to help with pain? I thought you would have taken Amitriptyline. However it would’ve helped massively with the homosexuality problem in your head (I know you struggled with ocd, and SSRI’s are good for them)
Sometimes I feel like one of those crazy religious nutjobs that you see in town centres, shouting to people walking past that Jesus will fix all their problems. Well, exercise & diet is my Jesus. Like religion, it ain’t possible to understand what difference it can make until you’ve felt it for yourself.
Danielle1.....The fluoxetine wasn't a medication for pain. It was to help with the depression that was a result of the years of pain. I guess I didn't really make that very clear in my post. What I was trying to get across was that when you have to endure so much pain for so many years, one of the results is a severe depression. When the pain just never stops. When it goes on and on and on, the depression can become intense. You can find yourself in the mindset of just wanting it to stop...willing to do almost anything to just get the pain to stop. That is when the thoughts of suicide start to appear. I know...because it happened to me. In my case that happened when I was fighting a war with myself over my sexuality at the same time. My family is a very conservative, Christian family. One of my sons is a minister. I am the "head" so to speak of this family and there I was realizing that I was gay, that I had always been gay. How could I come out to this conservative, church-going family that I was the head of. I was a deacon in our church, I was the leader of our worship (music) team for Sunday services, the right-hand man of the pastor of our church! The was just no way that I could come out...it seemed utterly impossible. At the same time I could no longer hide who I was. I had been keeping this secret for years and it was tearing me apart. All of that combined with the continual pain from the back surgeries and I felt that there was no way out. I felt I was trapped. I felt hopeless and that's why I decide to take my own life and end it all. At that point I wasn't able to think clearly about what my suicide would do to my family and friends. Perhaps if I could have seen past all of the pain and anguish, the hopelessness that I felt, then I would have realized that taking my own life would have been such a terrible thing to do to my loved ones. But I couldn't think very clearly at that point. I am so grateful that I had found Empty Closets shortly before this happened. I opened my computer to EC and decided to make that one post asking for help. Had I not received a response, I would have taken the pills. But I did get a reply and that was the most important response that I have ever had. It literally saved me that night. You might have noticed that I welcome every new member to Empty Closets. Some don't make their first post on The Welcome Lounge, so I send their welcome by Private Message...but I do welcome every new member. That's because the response to my first post was so important to me that I've decided that it's now part of my "pay-back" to reply to every new member's first post. I'm sorry to have gone on so long, but all of the story is intertwined and you sort of have to hear the whole thing for it to make sense. So what I started to say in the beginning is that there are some meds that are good and can be very helpful. Don't just refuse your doctor's advice without giving them a chance...those meds could be something that could really help you. .....David
Just to echo what JT mentioned about exercise. Great to hear that you've started that again, Jasmine. Running - like dreaming - is free. Beth x
Thanks for sharing that. I'm really glad you got that reply, its amazing what just a few words from a stranger on the internet can mean. I've never really experienced that myself, but I've never had that sense of hopelessness, and I hope I never do. No offence intended with my prior post by the way. I'm not religious but I do respect people that are.
