I was just harassed by a transphobe for the first time IRL a few hours ago. He came up to me aggressive as hell and asked if I was a bloke then went off shouting at me when I told him to mind his own business. He told me I couldn't wear a dress and that kids would see me and asked me 'what the fuck was wrong with me' Honestly I talked to some friends and vented on some social media so at least I'm not crying now but I was wondering if other people have had similar experiences. Was I just unlucky? Or is this more of a right of passage for those of us who don't pass?
I can't answer your question, but I can say I'm so sorry this has happened to you! Lots of hugs, you know you're you and jerks like that can remain behind in the last century.
I'm sorry he talked to you like that Sammy. Some people still choose to be unaccepting sacks and you can't do anything about it. Exactly jerks like tearingtherose said. I would bet they have some of their own problems up there if they can't bear seeing you in a dress not to mention setting a bad example for children contrary to what he wanted to achieve, shouting about as he was. Nothing is wrong with you doing that. Forget him as much as you can. He's in the wrong, had no right to do that to you. Take this with a grain of salt, but as far as I've seen these kind of people are something that nearly every trans person has to encounter to some extent. It's a sad truth that won't change until the people's attitude does. He might've complained because of you not passing, but what he complained about was exactly you on the road to actively doing it. You're getting there!
Thanks I guess I'm not especially happy that this'll probably happen again at some point but I guess I just have to bear in mind that the vast majority of people aren't like that. It's a lot easier to remember one transphobe than all the strangers who have treated me kindly.
Welcome to being trans! Yes, some level of personal abuse goes with the territory, I'm afraid. Also...welcome to the sisterhood. One thing you need to start thinking about as a woman is your own personal safety. Was this encounter late at night? If so, it could well have been worse. Be careful out there.. Personally, I've been lucky. In my three and a half years out, I've had abuse just once from some shot-away homeless guy in 2021. But then I live in a very liberal area of a world city. From what I hear in my support group, out and out transphobic abuse is pretty rare in London. It's a different matter where you are though, Sammy. Provincial towns - especially at chucking out time - can be genuinely scary places, even if you're a bloke. Like I said, be careful. Beth x
I have been gay bashed a lot in the past. I don't think it was a matter of bad luck or an inevitable fact of life. The simple truth was they just saw me as an easy target. Like a bully picking on the weak or a robber mugging you from behind. However after a time I gained a thick skin and stood my ground. They thought twice about continuing with their harassment because I wasn't as easy of a target as they thought I was, and ultimately gave up quickly. Most of these characters will bark and never back it up with any bite. They're mostly just hot garbage noise and lazy. If a victim fights back then they'll see it as too much trouble and move on to prey upon somebody else unfortunately. Try not to take it to personal and take pride in defending yourself. Don't give any credit to their terror. Only give credit to yourself.
It's ok it's something I'm going to have to deal with whether I like it or not but I guess I didn't expect it to be so painful. I feel like I've finally afforded myself room to be vulnerable and some people just see it as an opportunity to be abusive.
"That's the thing it was in broad daylight in the middle of town with a lot of other people walking past who just kept walking. Then yesterday multiple people were making horrible comments about me loudly while they knew I was in earshot. Maybe I went too hard into social transitioning when I don't pass or maybe I did a poor job with my make up because I'm still learning but it's just painful. I don't want to go back into boymode but I can see why a lot of people just lie and say they're cis until they don't draw as much attention." Sammy, it's not you. It's them. Small towns = small minds. It's a cliche because it's true. You need a support structure, LGTBQ+ friends who will have your back and will commiserate with you when this kind of thing happens. I feel certain that Plymouth will have a community of trans people, even if it is small. I'd implore you to seek them out. Also...girlfriends. Do you have any female friends who will be able to give you advice on make up, style etc? I know in the early days of coming out I'd invariably turn to one of my mates and nervously ask 'does my make up look ok'. Cis women understand because they've very often made the same mistakes as teenagers and remember what it's like to be self conscious. They know that becoming a woman is a process that takes years so it's not surprising that you might be making some rookie errors. Hope this helps. Hugs, Beth x
I have a trans support group that I go to once a week but honestly any female friends I had live in different counties miles away and I alienated when I was depressed and self destructive. I only have male two friends who still talk to me despite me giving them the same treatment in an attempt to cut myself off from anyone who would have helped me. I really hated myself, I would hold all my emotions inside and then have mental breakdowns lash out and refuse to apologise. I think I burned too many bridges, most cis woman wouldn't want to have anything to do with me and honestly I don't really blame them.
Great - that's a start. Also...looking at your screen name, I'm guessing you're 28, right? What sort of job do you have? Do you have work colleagues? How do you get on with them? Could they provide some support too...? Come on, that's not true at all. You must know now why you found life so difficult pre-gender revelation: you were a girl trying to live as a male in a transphobic world - that's f***ing hard. But you're a new person now. The sky has cleared and you have a great future ahead of you, as the person you were always born to be. And you're just weeks away from starting hormones - you have lots of things to be positive about! Beth x
I am 28 yes I'm looking for work soon but had to work on some mental health stuff I didn't have the motivation to sort out until I had euthoria after coming out. I'm seeing a counsellor who is sympathetic. I think maybe you're right with some cis women but I think a lot of people wouldn't be sympathetic, I don't think being trans or mentally ill excuses the way I treated people. I try to be positive as much as I can nowadays but some days are easier than others.
