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How Do We Let Someone Go, Even Though We Don't Want Too

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tiago GA, Nov 30, 2023.

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  1. Tiago GA

    Tiago GA
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    This is talking about the same person in my posting called "Relationships"

    (I don't know how to say this hopefully it makes sense)

    ———
    Lets just pretend, you literally found the person you wanna marry, you've known them for about a year, but... the relationship started off amazing, they made you so fucking happy, always brought a smile to your face, you talked to them every day, but.... the more they learned the real you, and you learned the real them... They started getting annoyed at you, wanting to take breaks all of the time, not wanting to talk about it, saying rude things to you, not messaging you that day, eventually unfriending you, blocking you... but when you notice they unblocked you, you crawl right back to them, and they let you crawl back to them.
    ———
    By this point, they make you feel that the reason the relationship is bad and fucked up is because you keep on fucking up with them....but are you really the ONE fucking up the relationship, or is it them. I mean they act like the fucken hate your guts but when you ask if they do they are always like "no, stop asking, or I am going to hate your guts" and at this point almost every time when you talk to them you end up crying, sobbing, screaming in your head, your heart feels like someone just grabbed a gun and shot you in the heart! You want to tell them so badly that they are making you feel worthless, but you don't want to hurt their feelings or make them hate you more. So you stay silent and pretend that they are not hurting you at all....
    ———
    By this time you KNOW you are addicted to them, wanting to talk to them everyday, wanting them to answer you everyday, not being able to go without a single day not talking to them, its like they are a drug to you.. but you mean literally nothing to them anymore.. and it fucken hurts because you literally want to marry them.
    ———
    So... by this point you know the relationship sucks, its so fucken toxic, but your still addicted to their chats, even if they hurt you, I mean at least they haven't left you right, you still get to talk to them. What about all of the good memories, how they made you feel, I mean you are not willing to let them go... Then you start thinking but are they even worth anything? I mean they act like your nothing to them
    ———
    Lets just pretend also, that your crying so hard right now typing this. I mean its obvious. You KNOW they don't want to talk to you. You KNOW you are addicted to them. You KNOW you should be the one to PERMANENTLY end this relationship this time but.... You are so scared, you don't want to leave them, you literally LOVE them...
    ———
    Sometimes, they act like they LOVE you too but... Do they REALLY!? Like my favorite sad song says "You are broken on the floor And you're crying, crying He has done this all before But you're lying, lying To yourself, that he'll find help That he will change to someone else But you're broken on the floor Still asking him for more" ... "Will you leave or will you carry on? Is your love from before still strong? If you leave, will you keep the memory That made night so long, that cut so deep?"
    ———
    I just don't know anymore... Should I END it all, start crying all night, miss them constantly... I mean will it heal, or should I just see what happens, not cry all night, stay a little while, maybe the relationship will get better?
    ———
    I know its a toxic relationship... but is it really... maybe I'm overreacting... How do we let someone go, when not willing to let them go...
    ———
    Please     I really need some help with this
     
    #1 Tiago GA, Nov 30, 2023
  2. Chillton

    Chillton
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    Whether it's a toxic relationship or not it sounds like you should both part ways regardless. Acknowledge you both made mistakes, and whatever has happened between you isn't working, despite your best efforts and move on. Sometimes good people don't mix well. I've butted heads with partners, friends, family, and coworkers before. We couldn't come to a compromise or an agreement. So we agreed on either, parting on good terms or staying out of each other's way concerning certain situations. Life is full of monkey wrenches and sometimes you have to take the hit in stride.

    Just because your relationship isn't working out doesn't mean it's a failure. You both tried your best, made some good memories, and learned from the experience. Maybe in 4-10 yrs after you both gain more life experience and perspective, then you guys can try to date again if you happen to both be single. I'm just throwing that out there. However, don't put all your eggs in one basket if you know what I mean.

    In your post you describe some of your feelings as an addiction to your partner, which by definition means it's unhealthy. So try to spend some time separating your true feelings of love from your feelings of short term gratification. I know that is easier said than done, and you have so much love to that give your bursting at the seams. Like I responded in your last post, In the past I ended up overwhelming the people in my life so much with love and kindness that it just pushed everyone away. Quality over quantity is key.
     
    #2 Chillton, Nov 30, 2023
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  3. Tiago GA

    Tiago GA
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    Yeah, I fully understand - I just talked to him a little while ago and we are going to do a meet up and if we still feel like its a good relationship and still feel like we have feelings toward each other then we will keep the relationship, if it completely fails we are gonna part ways for a while
     
    #3 Tiago GA, Nov 30, 2023
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  4. Spartan 117

    Spartan 117
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    This sounds like quite a chaotic relationship! It seems to me that you know already in your heart that you aren’t happy with the way things are.

    But to really cut to the chase and answer the question in your thread title: it’s okay to ask yourself if this is really the kind of relationship you want. They may be fantastic in a lot of ways, but do you want a relationship which makes you feel like you put in all the effort all the time? Or a relationship where it’s so emotionally up and down? If you look at it from that perspective, sometimes you can see things more clearly.
     
    #4 Spartan 117, Dec 1, 2023
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  5. Tiago GA

    Tiago GA
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    Yeah, thank you! That helped me alot with this relationship problem.
     
    #5 Tiago GA, Dec 10, 2023
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