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I know nothing about myself. Who can help me?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ayiko, Nov 24, 2023.

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  1. ayiko

    ayiko
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    I am a high school student. I was born male. When I was 13 years old, I fell in love with a girl, but she broke my heart. From then on, I gradually found that I liked men and longed to be a girl. During my adolescence, I had a great resistance to my beard and Adam's apple. My masculine characteristics made me feel inferior and self-loathing. I spent a lot of time every day imagining my life as a girl.I gradually think I am a transgender, but is it all because of that girl? Did that girl make me like this? When I was a child, I seldom showed my dissatisfaction with my gender, but I often showed some feminine characteristics, such as not being as active as other boys, often imagining myself as a female character in cartoons, and I had a strong masochistic tendency since I was a child, and I was very excited when I imagined myself being humiliated or hurt, when I was only a child of seven or eight years old.
    So I want to ask, am I a transgender, or am I just an ordinary man who just "escapes" because he has been hurt by a girl?
     
    #1 ayiko, Nov 24, 2023
  2. Saskia96

    Saskia96
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    Hey, welcome to EC!

    So, I am not an expert on this myself, but some of the things you said happened to me too during my childhood, without being hurt by a girl. I always imagined myself as the female character etc and thought about me as a girl alot, without even knowing that transgender was a thing. So while I can't say for sure if you are trans or not, I at least would say there are some signs that you might be.
    I am sure some of the other users of this site will give you a more detailed asnwer.

    Anyway, I'm sure you can get your answers here on EC and figure out your gender identity :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Saskia96, Nov 24, 2023
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  3. Tiago GA

    Tiago GA
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    I don't really know how I can help, but we sorta have the same story

    I was a child of like 9, 4 boys and the rest were girls and two of them were my twins. My parents wanted me to get married to this female (We lived in Korea at the time and arranged marriages were aloud) so I was like sure why not, so at the age of 5 she was like my best friend and at the age of 8 she was still my best friend but she grew to like me so at age 14 she walked up to me one day and was like "I think we should get married" and I froze I was like but... I don't really feel that way but me and her started dating, but in that relationship I found out that I was attracted to this guy and I found out that I was a femboy, I liked skirts, dressing up in dresses and all of the above, but then that girl found out and she broke up with me and it hurt so bad, but I gradually did not care as time passed because I loved being me

    I think you shouldn't worry about what is happening and like your true self and like you the way you are, and I mean you acting fem and everything could be a "side effect" because the girl hurt you.

    (I don't know if this makes sense but yeah) Your in the right place, empty closets is a good community, I'm sure they will be glad to help you and help you find your way
     
    #3 Tiago GA, Nov 24, 2023
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  4. wouldbeElliot

    wouldbeElliot
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    Hi and many warm hugs from here .

    You're not alone in this, and similarly to you, I've questioned and still do question my female feelings every other day. Some days it's perfectly clear where I feel and belong, and on others I frankly repel the idea, unsure if this is just a coping-fueled impulse originating from the repression. Now, I'm not qualified, but I don't think that your dysphoria could be stemming from your past relationship, as it's not how I imagine someone would react to/cope with a rejection. Many transgender individuals, including me, start to question their identities at that age, and the same could potentially be said for your case.

    I hope I helped a little. Everyone is welcomed here, and EC is filled to the brim with kind and supportive people and ever so many discussions for you to find the answers to your questions .:slight_smile:
     
    #4 wouldbeElliot, Nov 24, 2023
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  5. quebec

    quebec
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    ayiko.....Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_rolleyes: when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community.

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! :old_cool: Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives.

    *****In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. What you are asking is a complicated question. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this? I know that seeking out a therapist was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. He helped me in many ways and I am very grateful for his insight and help! You should check any therapist's CV or webpage to see if they list working with the LGBTQ Community before you make an appointment. They would not necessarily have to be LGBTQ themselves, but the fact that my therapist was gay really did help me. Because he had gone through so many of the issues that I was dealing with himself, it was easier for him to anticipate and help me when I faced those same problems. Please give this serious consideration. :old_smile:

    *****    I also have a question for you...you say that you are a high school student, yet you list your age as 22. This doesn't seem to make sense. Would you please let us know which is correct? Just make a quick post on the "Ask The Staff" forum with the correct information...thank you.

    Some info on how to navigate EC:
    When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. :old_big_grin: A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_wink: If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

    …..David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #5 quebec, Nov 24, 2023
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  6. ayiko

    ayiko
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    I feel very warm and moved. I love you.
     
    #6 ayiko, Nov 25, 2023
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  7. Crepy

    Crepy
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    Hey ayiko,

    That sounds though.

    In my oppinion. I don't think this is just about being rejected by a girl.

    Why? Because of once. When I felt rejected by a girl. I decided. To save myself from further hurt. I would just not be attracted to girls anymore. That lasted a whole 2 days. Before I felt so shit about it that I decided to just being my normal self again. I haven't felt like doing that again ever since.

    Feeling weird feelings or having weird thoughts because of hurt is normal. But they normally won't stick around this long unless there is some truth to them. As oit takes a lot of energy to put on a mask. Eventually you just won't be able to keep it up.

    Having said that. Only you can tell for sure who or what you are. Take your time. Don't force anything upon yourself. Just try to be okay with how you feel in the moment. You feel like a woman? Then that's okay. You feel like a guy? then that is okay. You are not force to feel, think or do anything you don't want to.
     
    #7 Crepy, Nov 29, 2023
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  8. ayiko

    ayiko
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    Thank you for your answer. This is very helpful to me.:blush:
     
    #8 ayiko, Nov 29, 2023
  9. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    Each one of us has a very unique sexuality that's like a set of fingerprints. I wish all people would look at it this way instead of putting people into boxes or giving them labels. They only work up to a point.

    I also look back and ruminate if things that happened to me, intimate interactions, and unreciprocated interests shaped my sexual identity and, even more than that, my overall personality.

    Don't spin your wheels, as they say. Let things flow. You can't change the past nor how you feel at the present. Let things take time and seek the support system you need - when you feel you need it. Keep in mind, that because of where some of our members live all across the globe, there might be some extra work involved in finding a SAFE support system ... when you think you need that.

    Be yourself and stay safe.
     
    #9 Tightrope, Nov 29, 2023
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  10. JT1999

    JT1999
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    I like this. Never heard it expressed that way before but it resonates with me.
     
    #10 JT1999, Nov 29, 2023
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