https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85 The above linked article is a list of gender dysphoric experiences that the transfemme auther had. None of them were recognized as gender dysphoria at the time, only in hindsight. I read this article a while ago while my egg was first cracking, but before I duct-taped it back together. It was true then, and is just as true now: every last item on the bullet-list is a shared experience for me. I feel ridiculous.
Why do you feel ridiculous, Static? For what it's worth I saw the same article during my initial phase of 'oh-my-God-I'm-trans-I-need-to-read-everything-I-can-about-it'. Some of it rings true, a lot of it doesn't. How are you doing though? Where are you at with all this? Hugs, Beth x
A friend here reccomended this site to me, maybe it's helpful: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en I haven't got around to reading it, but what I have seen, then it seems like a very good place to read about it. You know you can always talk to us. I also want to know why you feel ridiculous?
I'm not sure why ridiculous felt like the most appropriate word at the time. Absurd may be closer. Just plain old mismatched may be best.
I'm not so great at talking about how I'm doing with all of this, not lately. I've been clammed up about it for a while. Dysphoria is running hot, but I'm holding my tongue over it. I've figured out who and what I am, and now it's on to where I am, which is the closet. So I'm trying to make my closet as comfortable as possible, because it seems I've taken up permanent residence. I don't know how many people are out there who's gender journey has taken them to the point of realizing that they're trans but not a single step further. It's an easy place to freeze up, and a tough place to be frozen. But it seems this feminine soul will be piloting a testosterone fueled meat-mech for the forseeable future. My situation could be worse. I'm the captain of a healthy, strong, and attractive vessel. I have a lot of love for my trans-masc homies, because I feel like we got the shaft. This face, body, beard, and, um, modesty prevents me from continuing, are utterly wasted on me. There are so many people who would trade with me, which makes me feel ungrateful. I really wish it worked that way. "Gently used male body for sale, cheap! Only one previous owner. Near-sighted, depressed, with a history of minor substance abuse. Asking price: Female body OBO. Serious inquiries only."
If it were at all possible I’d gladly lend you mine for a while. I’ve never had feelings like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, but I do have serious male-capability envy. Plus a bit of practice using a real one might improve my strap-on technique
First of all hugs. It all don't make you ungrateful and transmasc is telling you this. I don't know, if it feels to you similar, but I feel like I'm trapped between two worlds. Just recently I hated myself, that I was born female and yet I can't enjoy female things and am missing out, while I'm also missing out on male experiences. Not to quote a cheesy line from a certain movie, but we are all in this together. I think it's good we get to experience the both sides, the masc and fem side. I feel like it makes us more emphatetic and understanding towards all genders.
Sorry if I didn't feel like I was taking you seriously, humour is my way of coping with life. I was in a fairly dark mood last night.
I enjoy hearing and sharing descriptions of the subjective experience of gender nonconformity. It's an entire self contained universe of experience that most people live unaware of (I assume?). I also feel the description of "trapped between two worlds," emphasis on "between." I'm not really present in either.
Me too. I like that I can relate and I can relate to a lot of what you're writing as well when it comes to struggles with gender. Being stuck between two worlds can be really frustrating at least it is to me and it makes me feel fragmented. Currently, I'm having one of those bad dysphoria days too, so I know the feelings, though our situations are different.
Well, there's knowing and there's knowing. Many many of us have, at various points in our lives and for whatever reasons, unwittingly practised denial. Fewer absolutely know but actively choose to deny themselves because of some sort of sense of...duty? To which I say: 'f*** duty'. You know, you could be happy, Static.. Hugs, Beth x
You're not ridicoulous staticinmyattic, Figuring all of this out can be so incredibly difficult. Yeterday I wrote a post and what I wrote down screamed "You are trans'. But if you ask me if I am sure? hell no. I keep going back and forth between sure and doubting. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is pretty normal to crawl back into your egg no matter how obvious something might be. because at the end of the day it is still a huge step(Denial, getting out of your comfort zone, possible discrimination awaiting). So Just take all the time you need to figure yourself out. There is nothing wrong with that.
