Hello! I’ve been out as gay to everyone for 7 years now. I’m 29 years old and I finally moved out of my parent’s house 2.5 years ago. I don’t have the best relationship with my parents and siblings, as they don’t approve of me being gay. We constantly argue, and it’s pretty rare when we don’t. My parents tell me they love me, but it’s incredibly hard for me to believe it because they are highly religious Christians who disapprove of the “gay lifestyle.” My mental health is deteriorating because I can never smile around them, and I never show them emotion. I’m never happy around them. I feel like if I show my true emotions of being happy and smiling around them, it will “flaunt my gayness in their faces,” if that makes any sense. Does this happen to anyone? When I’m at work or with friends I’m happy and cheery, and I’m full of emotions. But then the moment I’m in the presence of my parents, my emotions disappear.
Hello, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation with your family. It's not uncommon for LGBTQ+ individuals to face challenges with unsupportive family members, and the emotional toll it can take is very real. It's important to prioritize your mental health and well-being. If you haven't already, consider seeking support from friends, LGBTQ+ support groups, or a therapist who can help you navigate these complex family dynamics and provide you with coping strategies. Remember that it's okay to be true to yourself, and your happiness matters. Your emotional well-being should be a priority.
Sorry to hear your relationship with parents is like this. It's horrible when parents refuse to accept their children for who they are. At the least, they could have kept their disapproval to themselves, but from what I gather from your post, what they say is absurd. Please, think about your own self first. If communicating with them causes you to feel bad and is taking a toll on your well-being, perhaps it would be to the better to limit communications with them to a minimum and leave them to their prejudices. To love someone is to accept them; where there is no acceptance, there is no love. Best of luck to you!
TanMan.....I agree with everything that @Rayland said. I am a Christian and the Bible clearly states that "...You will know them by their love..." when referring to believers. ( we weren't called Christians until later) This kind of conduct is all too common and is just not what the Bible teaches. The old "hate the sin and love the sinner" is also a bunch of hogwash as it still comes across as a rejection of the person. I have three sons, all raised in church. Two continue to go to church, one is a pastor. However another one no longer goes to church and is not raising his sons in church. My wife and I do not treat this son any different than the other two. His is just as much my son as his brothers and always will be. If being around your parents causes you this much distress, then I would suggest minimizing your time around them. If they ask why you don't come around simply tell then that they have made it very clear to you that you are not welcome. If they ask why...be forthright and tell them that in rejecting your sexuality they have rejected you. Put the ball in their court. If they want you to be around them, then they need to treat you like a son and not like a pariah. It's really all up to them. You don't need this kind of negativity...so don't put yourself through it! Spend your time with your friends and be happy! .....David
You are not the cause of situational anxiety. It is the people you associated with that anxiety. Remember, the inner peace of your heart and soul depends on you being faithful to your true self. Realize that when people bring up a topic that you do not wish to discuss, since you already told them about it, they wish you to feel unloved. Limit these episodes of conflict by harboring within the peacefulness of your self worth.
They are trying to make you fit into the box they want, rather than help you blossom into yourself, to have high self-esteem and to self actualize. Doesn't sound like they will change since they think they are holy, so start avoiding them. If they ask at some point why, say how disrespectful they are and it kills you a little each time you hear their toxicity. They'll likely not take you seriously, which is more proof to stay away and they don't care about you being the real you, and want you to be back in your box. Read about cptsd, emotional neglect and a good book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Yours fit the bill, mine too and most people honestly, it's sad and why society is so dysfunctional as they damage each generation. You should feel as good or better with real family, like you do at work so I guess you have to make your own family that values you for you! Good luck, you deserve it!
