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My religious friend is homophobic but acts very gay towards me and loves touching me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Adymoe, May 18, 2020.

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  1. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Sounds like he has internal homophobia and all the religious stuff he learned over the years is getting in his head and stopping from him and accepting himself.
     
    #21 Jakebusman, Sep 25, 2023
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  2. JT1999

    JT1999
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    Haha, yeah boi!

    I love this attitude in guys, far too many women are too serious about sex.
     
    #22 JT1999, Sep 25, 2023
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  3. Adymoe

    Adymoe
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    Absolutely. He doesnt really flirt with me anymore like he used to as he's a bit older now but he still gets pretty handsy with me. We get pretty affectionate with eachother in public. I'm surprised he's okay with it, he must not care to hide it. But at the same time that's when he's most comfortable with me. When the 2 of us are alone at his place you can feel tension between us. He's very reserved and quiet. The poor guy is battling so much depression, anxiety and anger issues still
     
    #23 Adymoe, Sep 25, 2023
  4. mlansing

    mlansing
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    Have you thought about making a move? Nothing forceful, just something that shows interest like putting your hand on his back or trying to hold his hand. I know there was a big discussion about verbal consent on this thread but I don’t personally see the harm in showing simple physical affection in that manner. With someone as deeply closeted as he is I don’t think you would be able to break through his barrier by talking about it.
     
    #24 mlansing, Sep 25, 2023
  5. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I can see a case being made for that also not being ok, in case anyone wants to dispute that point. I just remember back to when I was deeply closeted, and if someone asked me to do something physical it would have been an immediate no. If someone gently expressed physical affection with a hand on the back or something like that, that could have helped me open up.
     
    #25 mlansing, Sep 25, 2023
  6. Adymoe

    Adymoe
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    I think he is too deep in denial right now for any of that to happen. Its too risky. Next time I am alone with him I might try to cuddle with him and see where it goes but if he's anything like my other friend...he won't be open for anything until he accepts the fact he's not straight. It's hard to make moves on them when they are filled with homophobia as well. You can use their level of homophobia as a gauge to see whether or not they are ready to open up
     
    #26 Adymoe, Sep 25, 2023
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2023
  7. JT1999

    JT1999
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    Sounds like he needs some relief! Good luck. I've been knocked back before by girls who I'm sure were interested, just too scared or confused to go through with anything. There's not much you can do if he isn't willing to take a chance.
     
    #27 JT1999, Sep 25, 2023
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  8. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I think that’s probably for the best. It’s not your job to rescue him from himself.
     
    #28 mlansing, Sep 25, 2023
  9. Adymoe

    Adymoe
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    Exactly. You can't really pry someone out of the closet when they aren't ready. It's pretty clear he's struggling with his orientation but until he looks in the mirror and acknowledges himself I won't be any help. It sucks but that's the reality. I lost a friendship with another guy because I tried making a move on him and he got into a fist fight with me and we haven't spoken in 5+ years but he ended up coming out.
     
    #29 Adymoe, Sep 25, 2023
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