So it kind of just happened. We were talking last night after a weekend of tension & conflict and he was asking me about why I don’t show affection towards him anymore and that he doesn’t ask for much(which is true) I now don’t know where we go from here. I feel so conflicted and devastated about the possibility of losing my family. I don’t want things to change but I know they have to. I don’t even know what the point of this post is but I feel sick to my stomach about everything
Maddy.....Coming out is almost always difficult...and under the circumstances that you were dealing with it was probably more difficult than normal. In spite of everything, honesty is always the best. Communication between spouses is something that is so very important and the lack of it has caused more breakups than the presence of it. I know that is scant reassurance right now. You and your husband will need some time to process what you have talked about and then there will be more discussion. Coming out to my wife was very difficult...but I had to be rid of the secret that had tortured me for many years. You have been able to avoid the multiple years of hiding your true self from your spouse and that is a very good thing. After I came out, we had several discussions about what this meant for our marriage...and that is what you and your husband will now need to do. There is no right or wrong solution...there is only your solution. I wish you all the best, and please keep us updated on how this continues to work out. Remember...you are apart of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! .....David
Wherever it goes from that point, rest assured that you were honest with him and your own self - and that in itself is worth much… And I certainly admire you for taking that step (or rather, a giant leap into the unknown). Now knowing the details, I can only say that if he didn’t immediately leave, there’s a chance you two will find a way to make it work, albeit there will be much talking to be done and questions to be answered… But yes, there is no right or wrong way to go about it, there’s only your way, which might feel like navigating a labyrinth in pitch black darkness, but sooner or later, it will lead you into the light. Best of luck to you and remember, you are not alone!
Hi, Maddy! Sorry it seemed so sudden ...? but I believe it's good it came out for you - I came out to my ex this afternoon - she remembered my having done so some time ago - and the way I do this is quite cautiously, cuz that's who I am, I think - Self-protective, and careful about what I say and to whom. She may not know the extent, but I am glad we were able to discuss it to some degree, at least! More to come, I hope, and with safety an positivity! I have found safety and welcome here! She and I have been recovering from years spent in a far too controlling religious environment, and are working at giving each otehr space to grow from that.
there will be more discussion. Coming out to my wife was very difficult...but I had to be rid of the secret that had tortured me for many years. You have been able to avoid the multiple years of hiding your true self from your spouse and that is a very good thing. After I came out, we had several discussions about what this meant for our marriage...and that is what you and your husband will now need to do. There is no right or wrong solution...there is only your solution. I wish you all the best, and please keep us updated on how this continues to work out. Remember...you are apart of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! .....David [/QUOTE] thanks for replying. I have previously spoken to him about 2 years ago but we never spoke about it again. So he kind of had an idea. I have been struggling with this for 4 years nearly. I have spoken to my therapist and also 2 close friends. I just felt like he needed to know what I am going through. We had a really good chat last night and obviously he is hurt. He just wants to understand but it’s so hard as I don’t really understand it either and what this means for us.
ya, right? It is a journey of exploration, with all that might involve - a new friend I met in an LGBT Outdoor Meetup Group via the Meetup app told me that all coming out stories are basically the same, but I believe he also said that there is a uniqueness to each one though - I have found these Meetup groups exciting and helpful - had to persevere like one must in pursuing anything worthwhile - started searching for queer groups in the app, then joined or asked permission to, depending on whether they're public or private - not sure whether this app is available in Australia? - if not, there may be similar ones - I believe gathering with folks in these sorts of groups will [and it already has!] help me along my way
He has taken it pretty well. We have started seeing a marriage therapist to try work through everything as even though I have realised I’m bisexual I’m not ready to give up my marriage. It’s hard as when I say things he automatically takes it that I am leaving him or he isn’t good enough. I’m still trying to work out how I really feel about everything. It’s so hard when you have young kids. I don’t want to put them through so much pain
Couple's therapy/marriage counseling is a great idea. Thinking things through may take some time... Be patient with yourself and your spouse. Both of you are trying to process all of this and it's not easy (I know this for a fact). Don't forget to breathe, okay? One day at a time. Offering hugs.
