What sort of questions have you been asked?

I had an embarrassing conversation with my mum when I told her I was bisexual, I think I'd just turned 19. She's not the most worldly wise person and I think she has only ever been with my dad but she said something like "how do two girls even..." and then she just kinda drifted off. There was an awkward pause but she was looking at me as if she wanted an answer and I said something like "do you really want me to answer that?"

Even just remembering it weirds me out, like what was she hoping for me to say by asking that? My mum was so happy when I brought my boyfriend to meet them about a year later and we've never spoken about anything like this since.

 

Not my parents, but an ex-boyfriends mother....

Are you both having sex then? Have you had sex in this house? And.... just like @JT1999 experienced... How are you having sex?

It was the how question that was most awkward. My ex answered the other two questions pretty well and chose to ignore the how question, but she repeated it and actually wanted to know what we were both doing. At first I thought it was her way of asking about safe sex (a reasonable enquiry 25+ years ago), but no, she actually thought it was okay to ask what we were doing in bed.

A question that came from my husbands cousin, but is often asked by parents too: "Who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship?" This question is asked of gay men and lesbian women. It's a slightly more discreet way of asking about bedroom roles, but it's still pretty outrageous.

A few others that come up from time to time:

Are you both sure this isn't a phase?
Are neither of you worried that you may never have biological children?
(To the boyfriend/girlfriend) What do your parents/family think about all of this?

It's important to remember that questions are not always intended to be hurtful, but are asked in the moment with little or no forethought, so we should try to remain calm and answer without drama, while also setting boundaries, where necessary. It's not always easy, because most of the questions are only asked of same sex couples and even if they're not intended to be rude or hurtful, they actually can be. It's useful to have your answers prepared in advance to avoid any drama, although I never anticipated a parent asking about what I was doing in with her son in bed.

 

Not sure it's relevant to you, Vicki, as my father never met any of my partners. But I'll never forget his first question to me when he found out that at the age of 19 I had a girlfriend - 'what does her father do?'

Good luck to you though - hope it's not an overly excruciating experience!

Beth x

 

I have been asked two questions by my female friends.
Are you attractived to men or is it just sex. Well if I was attracted to him we would not be having sex.
The other is don'nt you miss fun bags meaning womans breasts. . I said I still have a fun bag its just in another location. She smiled and that was the end of it.

 

It's just embarrassing. I mean, do they actually want to know? Nobody asks a straight couple whether its missionary only or does he like it if she sits on his face? Surely everyone knows what boy/boy or girl/girl fun is all about?!

 

Unfortunately I fell out the closet. My little sister and I got into a big argument and she outed me. She was wanted to hurt me so bad ,she told my mom and everyone. I was devastated and so broken. My sister never apologized from lowkey it. I am still deeply angry at her because I didn’t get to do it myself. On the other hand she did the job for me I wish it could have been my way though. Outing people can be dangerous in most cases me .. I’m still traumatized but happy with who I am. I’m open and somewhat content with my sexuality.

 

Fortunately I haven't had anything too bad but they generally fall under either:

a. The 'but you can't be gay because' - "But you dated women"
b. "I knew it" (that I was gay) and saying it in a way as if they knew I had a 'flaw' all along. It was one old girlfriend who said this to me and she probably was just saying it to validate herself and blame sexual failings of our relationship on me. Which isn't far from the truth.

 

The worst I've been asked is, "Are you sexually confused?" I still don't know if it was in regards to being trans, pan, or both. It was from a homophobic parent of mine...