When I’m with her things are generally pretty great and I’m happy. That’s not to say the questioning totally stops but I’m more in the moment and present with her. Unfortunately she leaves a distance from me so we only see one another so often. During these times when I’m alone I’m a hot mess of confusion, questioning, and anxiety. I am currently exploring these things in therapy. But still, I can’t for the life of me figure out why on some level I’m convinced I’m gay but not aroused by men…
Someone who is "fully gay" would not be aroused by women in that way. It would be highly unlikey someone who is 100% gay would have that response. Basically, it is not. The important question is, do you have similar responses when you are with men / think about, fantasize about men? If not, you're a lot closer to straight than gay. If so, then you are probably bisexual.
The problem with Lisa Diamond's research is it has never been replicated, and a lot of her methodology is flawed. With methodological deficiencies and no replication, we really can't rely on that data. It's like the data that shows vaccines cause autism. The original research was steadfast that there was solid data to support this. Upon closer inspection, the data was utterly bogus; no one was able to replicate it and other data showed the opposite. The problem in the psychology field is there is a lot of just outright crap that gets published. I don't know how it makes it through peer review. What we do know is that sexual orientation isn't a binary or trinary; it is a spectrum, and near as we can tell, somewhere between 5 and 10% of people fall at one end or the other. Everyone else is somewhere on the spectrum. Where you are on that spectrum seems to be pretty well fixed, but your awareness of where you are doesn't always match the hard wiring because of the messages that society sends us. This is why people claim they used to be straight and now they are gay. They were never straight, just in deep denial because of fear of rejection.
Chip’s comment here is right on target. For a long time societal pressures convinced me I was straight. I was never straight but allowed those pressures to mask my homosexuality. It worked for awhile however eventually my true sexual nature could not be denied. Once I was able to break free of those pressures it was clear as day that I was gay.
I get erections from seeing or thinking of hot dudes if I'm in the mood for it. I think I would get one if a guy I liked was ever really close or touching me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and feeling his breath and tongue lol.
I forgot, this has happened with old friends eons ago, but it was more like me leaning or bumping into them, and liking the touch and being that close to them for a moment. I'd like their smell if they had one too. It's almost like my brain made some happy chemicals when I was close to those guys I liked
