My thought's on pride month

My thoughts on this video: I wish I could get that minute of my life back. Listen, if you don't need the validation then move on, this isn't about you. The fact of the matter is there are still people out there killing themselves because they can't see a way forward as a gay person. If they need or even would like a little validation, what's the problem with that?

This year for Pride my firm had a virtual fireside where they had people talk about the challenges and opportunities of being open as LGBT at work. My boss's boss spoke in a way I'd never heard before and it was interesting to get to know him in that way and for there to be a forum where he felt like he could do that. One of my coworkers asked about resources for parents with a child finding out they are in the community and was directed to a bunch of resources, including an in-firm support group for parents in exactly that situation.

Again, I really just don't understand this whole notion that if it doesn't serve my purposes it shouldn't exist. Some things just aren't about you.

 

Sorry but we do need Pride Month. There are so many of us still in the closest, due to the amount of bigotry we get from our families, friends, and others that we need to be reminded that there are others out there who accept us, think we are valid, and care about us and our well-being even if we cannot come out and say we are 2SLGBTAQI+.

I am still in the closet, and although it's been horrible with three friends dying and more, just seeing the Pride flags everywhere and talking to others in the community has been a huge help for me.

Pride month is like Indigenous People's month, or Black History month. It's a celebration of who we are, our history, our ups and downs, and being proud of who we are. To me, it's also a reminder I'm not alone, and that no matter how far I'm still in the closet, I *am* valid, no matter what society, my family, my friends, and so forth say.

This... I'm one of those people who need a bit of validation. Thank you for saying that.

 

Even if I don't participate in Pride events because none are close enough to me and I hate crowds, I feel that Pride Month is a necessity for our community. There are still kids and even people my age who feel they cannot be honest with themselves and others about who they are because of where they live and the people with whom they find themselves living their lives and they experience all kinds of emotions about that and it leads some of them to depression and suicide. Pride is about validation, as said before I got here, and showing the people who need it that yes, there are people who love and accept them. We don't stop being LGBT just because June ends, but I do believe one month out of the year to acknowledge and celebrate us and potentially give a bit of courage to those who need it is a good thing.

 

This. I don't like parades, events in stadiums, etc.

I think it's more about need and interest. Some type of celebration and affirmation is needed. Folks who want to go to it, or be a part of it, probably enjoy the festivities and events. For some LGBT+ folks who wouldn't enjoy it, or even feel that much a part of it, it might not be that interesting. They can and will choose to stay home or do something else that is on their to do list or that interests them.

It's also about what the Pride events have and don't have. Some Pride events showcase talent. I have a friend who has marched in a band when he lived closer to where the parade was organized and held. There are also some things I'm not too keen on and I'm not a prude. I was touching up some paint where I was living and had the TV on in the room and the Pride parade event came up on the evening news. There was a float with a giant paper mache or pale vegetation covered penis on it that was subtly bobbing up and down. Was that really necessary? Parts of the parade events are a little sexed up. I would not be offended, but it doesn't help general perceptions when people think G-B men are hyper-sexed compared to the general population as it is. In the photos of another parade, there were six sinewy ripped guys marching in briefs that were the colors of the rainbow flag. IIRC, the briefs sparkled or were shiny! Now this could be a little campy so I think I laughed. Some of it is slightly R rated when it's a parade for anyone in the general public.

I am not a content editor for the parade and events ... and wouldn't even be interested in that. However, Pride has helped in reducing marginalization and invisibility. This is just my opinion.

 

Do I feel like "pride month" has been used by corporations to pink-wash themselves ? yeah. Do I feel like pride being a huge platform for cheap communication used by corporations is wrong ? yeah. Do I feel like we should throw the whole pride thing away ? certainly not !

It's not about some mere "validation", it's a protest against systemic discrimination.
Even in "not overtly against queers" countries, it's a protest against :
- unequal access to lodging and employment
- unequal access to medical facilities, treatment and healthcare
- unequal consideration in front of the law
and so on...
The purpose IS to bother straight people into giving us more rights. It's about bettering material conditions. It's not about feeling warm and fuzzy in your tumtum.

someone who has ever felt the dread of worrying about their workplace finding out they're queer would never dare utter those words. people are dying, people are starving, people are being tortured, people are being killed.

if they genuinely think it's about validation, then their privileged ass ought to f- off.

Couldn't have said it better. Gosh, such a "pick me" vibe. Talking about privileges, not seeing their own.

 

- I liked pride events that I participated in this year, it did make me feel better, but it was the smaller events that I felt like I truly participate in
- I don't like going to parades, I don't like crowds, concerts etc.
- hanging ranbow flags in place of state flags seems inappropriate to me
- no, if you're in the closet and lack support a rainbow flag doesn't help, I'd rate Netflix shows with lots of gay characters higher, the flags are actually annoying for me, they're so shallow, it's like everyone supports you in theory and nobody in practice, it hurts even more, if you do need to not feel like an alien, nobody is really there for you
- I feel like there should be more real community support and I feel like even these Netflix shows helped me more, because there is more flesh to them than to a flag. There is a lack of support and understanding for being LGBT, this is true. Anything else is going on in your life - you can talk to people and you'll get reassurence. Sexual orientation was also quite easy for me (not saying it is easy for everyone). Gender identity - suddenly everyone questions you and minimizes everything you say under the coat of "feminism".
- I don't think the pride month is useless, just that it could be better and I don't think we should actually care about seeming one way or another to non-LGBT people, as long as we're being respectful towards them (this is where some controversies appear), and I don't think there is anything wrong eith being vulnerable and seeking validation as long as it's respectful

 

*Sighs* Yeah, I've been there. Even as someone who considers themselves as being out, it was a concern. I'm glad I'm out of that situation.

How I feel about Pride is complicated. I think we're always towing the line of advocating for our rights whilst bringing it back to a level that is safe. Which is terrifying really. The corporate / consumerism side can seem almost insulting but it's also downright inevitable.

I like it when I go to the city and I see various Pride flags and gay couples walking around. It makes me feel welcome when I see people wearing subtle pride pins and such. Which is not a sight that I ever thought I would see. I think that growing up gay was isolating at times for me. Which is why I think that community is so important (cliché as it may be).

I live quite rurally. Small town bigotry. Meeting others in the community in the city changed my life for the better. It made me feel less alone. It made me feel seen yet not judged. To simply exist. Although I am also acutely aware that nowhere is completely safe.

 

The fight for acceptance is still not over, even if there are very progress areas throughout the world. I'm very happy for everybody that has super accepting family, friends, and lives in accepting areas. But just because things are good FOR YOU, doesn't mean that it's good FOR EVERYONE.

Especially the last couple of years, I've really noticed the "Trump effect" outside of the US where a small group extremely vocal nutjobs hang out with other nutjobs and publicly spew hate, with a sad amount of countering by the general population.

Are pride parades my thing? No. Do I think a lot of corporate pride flags etc seems fake? Yes.

But I'd rather people get tired of seeing pride flags all over if there is the possibility that general "over support" means people don't spend decades hating themselves and/or killing themselves over it.

 

I missed the editing window:

Let's also acknowledge that nothing was just *given* to us. The straights/general population just didn't wake up one day feeling nicer lmao.

Also, since the video is from the US, it's been less than a decade since y'all could get married across the entire country. Feels like an incredibly short period of time to forget the gains the queer community have made, even if the specific gains don't directly benefit you.

 

Yea he hit the nail on the head but my view is that it's all bollocks now and the reason why I think that is when I keep seeing hate towards bisexuals from within the gay community I mostly can't be arsed with any of it from either side of the fence, I don't see pride anymore, I get the hate from straight people and to be honest, fuck'em but I wouldn't expect it from the gay community, all I see now is an abyss of bullshit. Maybe in a day or so when I'm not low maybe I'll see it in a different light.

 

I do see the point in pride and honestly when I was at work and there were pride flags, people wearing rainbow clothes and little rainbow pins being given out it made me feel accepted. For a while I was very anti pride but I think that was my own mental health issues making me see things in a much more negative light than I needed to.

To be honest I don't even mind the commercialisation of pride. I mean at least companies are making an effort even if there's the argument they're doing it for their own financial gain. If it increases visibility and acceptance then I don't really care what their motives are to be honest.

Maybe that's naive but I guess that's where my thinking is right now

 

Fully agree with all of this.

My neck of Canada has the "Trump Effect" running rampant through it. A few years ago, while her son and my son were in the same school together, an old school chum was making nasty remarks about Pride and how our 2SLGBTAQI+ community were "always going on about their rights"... "What about MY rights?" she said. Um, she's straight, white, cis and never had to worry about a dang thing. She has blue eyes and blond hair. No one crapped on her for being different.

Even though this was in the time before I realized I was part of the community, I still wanted to say something ultra nasty to her... The only thing that kept my mouth shut was that our boys were friends and I didn't want to take that from my kid, if she retaliated.

I had another school chum misgender her child while asking me a few things about the community - and this woman does not know I'm bi, she only thinks I'm a supporter. No matter how many times I told her that the child identifies differently than the gender they were assigned at birth, she kept misgendering the kid, and I got ticked off. I finally told her where to shove her head and she won't talk to me now. (Oh well, no great loss, she's not too bright and is a science denier, and more).

We had someone driving through the larger town in the area on a bike, wearing a German flag from between 1938 and 1944... No one said much. They all thought it was grand. I just about fainted. The amount of hate here even in Canada is unreal.

So yeah, I'd rather be sick of the rainbow than see more of us die or be killed too. We have to keep fighting and if it means being sick of seeing our flags everywhere, so be it in my opinion.

 

It's a mixed bag for me. If it helps people feel "validated" then that's good, although I think the best validation is internal rather than external. I don't think people should need a whole month (often more than a month) every year to feel validated, and I think the more excessive it becomes, the more the general public will tire of it and react against it. (Actually, I see this occurring already.) Also, it has become a kind of family day out, but it's also often sexualised, which gives a weird message. Overtly sexual footage from Pride celebrations is often weaponised by right-wing media.

Decades ago it was more necessary and now it's more like a party. There's nothing huge to fight against anymore. If corporations want to take a brave moral stand, they should put up Pride flags in Afghanistan. Otherwise it's just empty posturing.

By the way, are we really supposed to use something as cumbersome as "2SLGBTAQI+" - or worse still, expect others to use it? Doesnt LGBT+ cover everything and also look less absurd?

 

All valid points with me especially noticing the shift over time from being something necessary to ensure visibility and acceptance whereas it's now more of a party. The people I hear talking about going these days demonstrate the same enthusiasm they do if going to Mardi Gras, Southern Decadence, and a few other things held in P-town, etc. People's levels of security and insecurity vary and it doesn't even have to come into play only if discussing sexuality. Some people are energized from within whereas some are energized by approval from others. I'm guessing that for most of us it's some sort of a mix - hopefully a healthy one.

 

Oh, well. I guess that's it, then. Pack it up, everybody. We don't need to keep struggling, cute smug boy says we're good! I mean, asking for basic human rights is awfully pushy when you just do it constantly, isn't it? Give us a break, right? ALL of June? Forget about it!

I mean, showing a flag that represents defiance as much as it represents acceptance right alongside a flag nobody ever pays attention to is just dreadfully obnoxious of us, even though we are not the ones who put it there, rather it was put up there by people trying to show us solidarity in acknowledgement of our fight. How crass of them, you know?

Nor - of course - are we the ones who asked every business in the US to steal the only universal symbol of our fight, which prior to it becoming popular they didn't give a flying-circus fuck about, and emblazon a bunch of their cheap crap with it to get social credibility in a time when corporations are increasingly seen as soulless and destructive.

But they are there, and they do technically represent us, so it's really our fault. So, I guess this is it. Nobody ever needs to remind anybody we exist or to be reminded that we're still absolutely struggling every single day. It's bothering the straights.

Anybody out there who gets beaten or raped or murdered or who commits suicide because everyone rejects them for their fundamental identity, our beautifully coiffed idea-man says you're not doing us any favors, so just... you know, do the rest of us the service of keeping it to yourself, please?

We are trying to figure out if we want cosmos or margaritas tonight, and your mortal screams are very distracting.

 

We need pride month, I disagree. I'm going to state some things here very bluntly, but please don't take that as anger- I'm not angry but I have very different thoughts on pride.

For context I am a trans man and also pansexual. I live in the rural south, and I have heard homophobia as long as I remember. People I know personally quit drinking Bud Light and shopping at Target. People say transphobic things in casual conversation and don't bat an eye- they all agree instead. People talk about the few openly gay people that exist here behind their backs. Lastly, I don't know how many people like me go through situations like mine- but my parents kidnapped and verbally abuse me, and attempt to manipulate me. I've considered suicide off and on for nearing four years because it seems like I'm never getting out of here. It's for people like me, others who experience similar things, and those who have been murdered or beaten or raped for who they are or who they loved- we're those who need pride month for hope that awareness and acceptance will grow.

 

Jack - what you've written is exactly why we need Pride.

Those who think we don't and all our battles have been 'won', have clearly not been paying attention to the news and the massive global backlash that there is against the entire LGTBQ+ community, but especially trans folk over the last 6/7 years or so. All orchestrated by the resurgent right.

It's the reason I'm still, partially, in the closet. I'd love to participate in a Pride event but that without going into tooo much detail that could lead to a situation where I could potentially end up losing my house. Yup, high stakes.

One day though...

Beth x