40 Years of Denial & Suppression

Yes. Do what you think is best for you and your wife. It's crucial.

 

I follow you on another thread and happened to find your full story on this one. As I have shared with you, your story is very similar to my own. I am going to look for a local counselor who sympathizes with the LGBTQ community. I live in Rochester. This is a very welcoming city for people like us. I need to figure out how to proceed. So thank you again for sharing your experience!

 

Everything will be fine. You'll see. I know that you think now that there are only empty words but It's true. It will be better. But only if you start living true life. Life contrary to your nature will not give happiness. Stop thinking about others. It's time to think about youself.

 

I’m not used to putting myself first. This will be a challenge for sure! Thank you very much for the advice!

 

The first step is difficult but every another one is easier. I remember that it was very hard for me to say that I am gay. I felt shame but now I do proud of being gay that I can scream in the middle of the street. I know It's fine, It's good and I'm so sure of that.

 

I admire you for finding the courage to take that first step! I am currently searching my soul to find that courage! Time will tell! But I don’t want to wait too long and let life inside of my true self slowly slip away. I don’t want my biggest regret in life to be that I was lying to myself my whole life!

 

Putting yourself first is an important step in your sexual evolution. For most of our lives we put other people’s feeling first and it prevented us from living authentically as gay men. I too at first had difficulty in believing my feelings and desires mattered. Remember we only have one life and if we don’t live it happily we are only cheating ourselves. I too am now so proud to be openly gay. The more the current societal trends seems to want to minimize us, the more I want to identify as a gay man.
Be true to how you really feel!

 

Only one life indeed! I enjoy looking at men! I don’t want to hide that anymore!

 

As Contented said we have only 1 life. It's our life and we should live own life not expectation of our life.

 

You are absolutely right! I have to start thinking of myself for once!

 

Hi @RejectedAt8 . I've just gotten back onto this forum after being away for a while. I just read some of your posts and, man, I can relate to so much of what you're going through.

I think we're around the same age. I've been married for 27 years and have 3 children. I, too, was living a lie for my entire adult life. I came out to my wife and kids over a year ago, and my wife was very supportive at first. But I couldn't handle my feelings and did a lot of stupid, ridiculous things, and I ultimately betrayed her trust. I'm still here a year later, but we are cordial roommates at best.
I wish I could offer some helpful advice, but the only thing I can really say is that you're not alone. There are plenty of smart and insightful people on here who can help you get through this.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm pulling for you! (us!)

 

First of all, It’s going to be ok. The scab was ripped off. Your chance to slowly exit the closet has come and gone. The pain you’re experiencing is extra intense right now because you were not ready for full disclosure (a process that has taken me 40 years). The ugliest and worst part of hiding/suppressing your sexuality is over. Your wife and your kids know that you are attracted to men. If your sexuality is leading you down a different path (a path that includes your gay self) then you must be able to examine the reasons behind your desire to act on your sexual cravings. Needing sexual male physicality is a real thing for some men. I am one of those men. It’s been a long road to acceptance. I’ve always have been attracted to men. I am only now (40 yrs later) willing to accept that. I still have trouble embracing myself as gay or homosexual. I know that is what I am though, so I have no choice but to except that I am gay. It’s a total mind f**k. Especially when it is something you are ashamed of, worried about people finding out, worried what people will say about you or your wife once everything comes out of the closet and the fact that it conflicts at times with your/our Christian beliefs. Please be true to yourself. Please listen to and accept good advice from the people here at EC. You will get over the pain and the shame. You will transform into your best self

 

Hang in there and try not to worry about what the others say or think. There is no correct timeline for accepting your sexuality or even acknowledging it. Right now you have the chance to write the script, on your terms at your pace. Congratulations on being out. Congrats on being gay

 

Bro!
So sorry for your trials!
Karen Keen is a Christian who takes a healthy view on homoeroticism - https://www.redwoodspiritualcare.com/library-on-sexuality/ - I reckon the "suddenness" of what's come about in your life is what is freaking everyone you love out - I think it's good tho that you're being honest with yourself about where you are - you may want to try local Meetup queer-related groups - it's helping me lately with support and exploring my way
( ' ,
praying for you in your dark valley rn