Porn As An Indication Of Sexuality

Thanks Rayland, your earlier post about porn was helpful too. I think perhaps I phrased the question too broadly.

I can see how people can look at porn for entertainment value or simply because horny stuff on camera makes people horny regardless of orientation in many cases. I think the question really is, if you are looking at gay porn specifically because you like the activities depicted, you are turned on by the actors' genitalia and what it can do and you enjoy it specifically because you can envision yourself being an active participant in the scenes you view or you look at pictures and the pictures are of naked people of the same sex and that's a turn on because of how you would like to interact with what you see, is that not a pretty strong indicator of sexual preference? It seems like a rhetorical question, yet I still ask, haha.

Thanks for your latest reply too. It's really helpful to hear how others have grappled with this.

I do think that there are factors other than simply my sexuality at play. Of course there is the aspect of children, how I am perceived by others, possibly an uncomfortable shift in terms of how I see myself and I guess yes, a sense of loss.

There's a sense of potential excitement but I do fear throwing away what I have and getting nothing much in return. There is a lot to lose but possibly everything to gain if this would make me happier.

I do wish I had been ready to properly confront this when I first started dating and that the world had been a more accepting and supportive place to do so.

 

Thanks complicated, seems like we're in similar situations. It's certainly difficult to unpack and make sense of all this stuff when you love and care about your partner. It does seem strange that we're into gay porn but don't want the romance. Or perhaps it's perfectly reasonable. I guess we don't have to think or feel anything in particular. It would be nice if things just lined up and weren't so complicated though.

 

Thanks Rayland, you have a cool mind .

Look, there has certainly been a lot of porn over the years, haha. But I watched mtf trans porn for a long time and I dated a transwoman and enjoyed the sexual aspect every bit as much as I did the porn. It wasn't just that I liked to watch that kind of porn, it was that I wanted that and when I got it, it was great.

I now watch mostly gay porn and I think it's because I finally gave myself permission to do so. I think I avoided it in the past because it wasn't me or I didn't think it was me but once I started watching it, I enjoyed it and my perception of men started to change. I don't think I looked at men in that way previously.

Same sex relationships used to make me uncomfortable but I've known gay couples for years now so I was used to it already and I'm even more comfortable with it now that I'm questioning my own sexuality but I guess I'm not totally at ease with it.

It does feel a bit of a foreign concept to consider myself kissing a guy. A feminine guy, sure but a manly man. I don't know. Perhaps I've heard that concept mocked so much over the years that it's not something that I would want to think I'd desire.

At the same time though, while I know women and gay men want to kiss their male parters, I prefer the soft, pretty look look of a woman's face over a man's ruff, rubbery look, haha.

Also from a personality point of view, I'm used to a feminine energy which is why transwoman are so attractive and feminine gay men.

 

There is certainly a particular kind of freedom involved, that I appreciate. It could be that it's drawing out something that was forced out of sight when I was growing up that doesn't really get a chance to be encouraged or even considered.

 

Thanks mate, you've described the situation perfectly. Happy to chat about it with you as well. Seems like the best way of figuring things out, short of actually taking action.

 

Sorry mate, wasn't accusing anyone in particular of being a rubbery, dirty steak! I'm sure there are tops out there that prance around to classical bangers, I just haven't tended to see it in the wild. On the apps and in porn, the tops seem to be pretty universally unappealing and the bottoms seem to be more attractive to me. Maybe I just need to hit up a gay bar.

I've had some opportunities but have been too non-committal to follow through. There's a bit of a tug of war going on and the opposing forces are equating to inaction.

I'm strongly drawn to homosexuality for sure but I feel like I've missed the boat. I want to keep going down the path I'm on with my girlfriend. I want to get married and have a family because I do love her and those are things that I've always aspired to. I can't really have both things. I'm trying to avoid regret, to be honest and I'm no closer to figuring out which path is most likely to provide peace.

The path I'm on keeps feeling wrong but I'm still drawn to the theoretical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and if I jump ship to pursue a gay lifestyle, I envision really positive and negative realities.

I think you're right in that the person I want may not be what I expect from the body they come in. It seems like needle in a haystack type territory though. I did find love with a transwoman, so I know that it's possible to find something rare within rarity. I already have love with someone special though, who's one of a kind. I'm not sure I'm capable of parting with that again. In some sense, I'm locked into the path of least resistance because it's still a nice place to be but I'm tugged toward demolishing the status quo.

I want to be gay but I don't want to lose the straight perks and I don't want to end my relationship. I'm self-stuck I guess and I'm not sure what it will take to dislodge myself.