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How do you keep going know you will lose everyone?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by cshadow, Jun 1, 2023.

  1. cshadow

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    I'm gay, and my family and friends would most definitely abandon me if they knew I was. How do I keep going without being reminded of this fact everyday?

    Does anyone else feel the same?
     
  2. quebec

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    cshadow.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. I am so sorry about your family situation. Unfortunately there are way too many people who have had the same problem that you have...a family that should love them, but would turn their back if they knew their real sexuality. You made a good first step by finding us here on Empty Closets! We will do our best to help out in any way that we can. You can always ask for advice and stop by to vent when you just need to! If you need to speak to someone in an emergency, you can call the Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. Please stay in touch with us...remember you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care!

    Some info on how to navigate EC:
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    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. Colm

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    Hi cshadow. You know for a fact that they would all abandon you? That must be incredibly distressing.

    I don't think there's a need to be absolutist in your thinking. It's easy to say that you should just be honest with everyone and not worry about the consequences, but it might be better and more realistic to take it in smaller steps.

    Could you get a geographical distance between yourself and your family / friends? You could then start to explore the possibility of a relationship (if you're not in one already), and you could try to establish a new network of friends.

    With a new support network in place, it could make you less reliant on your existing one. Realistically there's not much point in having friendships that are conditional on you lying about yourself. If they reject you for that reason, then that's their loss.

    The same thing with your family. It's bizarre and depressing that families reject their own children in this way. But although you can't choose your family, you get to choose your friends, and for many people, their friend group becomes a kind of surrogate family - one in which you can be yourself and not fear rejection.
     
  4. Jamez76

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    I am glad I found this thread! You are exploring the exact same thing I am at the moment! And the support I am getting here on EC is amazing!
     
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  5. quebec

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    Jamez.....We are so glad that you found us here on EC! :old_smile: And very glad that the support that your are getting from our members is helping! That's the whole purpose of Empty Closets...people who have been through the tough, dark times helping others who are going through the bad times.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  6. silverhalo

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    Hey I’m really sorry you are in that position. It would be easy for me to sit here and say you should just tell people, because it’s not me that would be at risk of losing anything. I think there are people in your position that hide the truth forever for the very reasons you have posted. Equally there are people that come out and tell the truth because they feel that if the people around them (regardless of whether they are family or friends) don’t accept the whole of them then they are not really truly there for them anyway. I guess those are the 2 ends of the scale and on paper things are often black and white but in real life not so straightforward.
    Is it all of your family and friends that you believe won’t accept it? Do you live in an area which is not accepting?
     
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  7. chicodeoro

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    Hi CShadow, I'm sorry to hear this. What makes you think that all your friends and family would abandon you? Is it because of the place you live? Or the kind of family background you have?

    Beth x
     
  8. Violet Rain

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    I do because I live in an extremely conservative part of my nation, and I know so many people will get upset if I come out to more than a few trusted people. My mother has odd ideas about how I should be, and I'm far from that imaginary person... She accepts other people are 2SLGBTAQI+ and thinks they're valid but if I came out as bisexual, she'd disown me. I'm supposed to be straight in her mind, and her ideals made me repress my true sexuality for my entire life till now.

    We hang out with others in the community for starters. I found EC not long after I admitted to myself that I'm bi, and I found a new chosen family here. There are still so many of us closeted, due to societal bigotry, our families, laws in some of our nations, and so much more.

    The road to just admitting your true sexuality to yourself is a huge one, but it can be a massive relief at the same time. Coming out is a lot scarier - I know this one from experience - but sometimes you just have to put your faith in someone and tell them the truth. Watch who is completely accepting of others no matter their sexuality or gender identity is a good way to get a feel on who is accepting and who may not be.

    Finding my tribe here and being open about my sexuality is a huge help to my mental health. I feel loved, accepted and valid. I hope you do too. EC is an amazing spot, and so warm and welcoming.

    May you find the right people to talk to about your sexuality and hopefully all goes well when you are finally ready to come out to someone else.
     
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  9. Violet Rain

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    You and me both! I feel like I have found a whole new, huge family to hang out with! I love EC.
     
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  10. Robyn mac

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    I lost a few friends but gained better friends that except so much more
     
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  11. Violet Rain

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    That's what I'm scared of, losing friends. I live in a really conservative part of the nation and it's insane how many people snark about the rainbow pride flag and other things related to the community.